


Sleepovers

by LacrymosaDiesIlla



Series: The Inconvenience of Impermanence [1]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2020-09-28 16:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 46,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20428934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LacrymosaDiesIlla/pseuds/LacrymosaDiesIlla
Summary: Nancy and Robin had barely spoken until everything happened. In fact, Robin kind of thought Nancy was a bit of a priss. Then, she saw her shoot a gun and it was all over. She was smitten, head over heels, in love. Tammy Thompson, who? There was only Nancy Wheeler. Too bad she was straight.TW: eating disordersPlaylist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4pcRdtKoydkEhxphHFnlvS?si=7JgW_WMeTPq5llenQTGKuw





	1. Chapter 1

All was quiet and calm as the sun set outside Robin's window. She lay on her bed, belly down with her chest propped up by her elbows, peacefully reading out of a hardcover book. She was reading for class, not for pleasure, but that wasn't to say she wasn't enjoying it. She didn't get enough excuses to read, she was usually too busy with work or friends or other homework.  
  
She was about to turn the page when she suddenly stopped. Had that been a tap at her window? She twisted her body around to look behind her, getting a few good cracks out of her spine as an added bonus. Not having expected to actually see anything, she nearly jumped off the bed when she was met by a pale face just outside the glass. It took her a second to recognize the wide blue eyes that stared at her, mostly because they were the last pair of eyes she'd ever expect to show up outside her room.  
  
Getting to her feet, she hurried to the window and opened it. "Nancy?" she questioned, almost aggressive in her confusion. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
Robin and Nancy didn't know each other well. Before everything that had happened the previous year, Robin had been pretty sure that Nancy didn't know who she was at all. Of course, it hadn't mattered to her then. Nancy Wheeler was a priss, and that's all she had needed to know. But then they had fought a monster together, and maybe it had been the Russian drugs in her system, but the way that girl could shoot a gun? It was kind of hot. And since then, there had been a piece of her brain dedicated to only Nancy Wheeler. But her pining had to happen from afar, because they weren't really friends, just acquaintances with shared trauma. They had hung out a couple of times, sure, but it was never intimate, always a movie at the theatre or something else in public. And Steve was always there, because, again, they weren't really friends, so why would they hang out without a mutual friend in attendance?  
  
Suddenly, she realized just how long she had been staring. She had totally missed whatever Nancy had said.  
  
"Er- what?" she asked.  
  
"Can I come in?" Nancy repeated. She seemed upset, her eyes shining with moisture and her brow furrowed hard. It broke Robin's heart to look at her.  
  
"Oh- Yeah. Yeah, come in." Robin reached out a hand to help pull her through the window, stifling a shiver at her touch. Soon, Nancy Wheeler was in her room. She wished she had had some warning so she could have cleaned up, but Nancy didn't seem to mind. In fact, the longer she stood there, the more she seemed just too upset to care.  
  
Well, someone had to address it. "What's wrong?" Robin asked, far more gentle than she had been initially. Gentle wasn't usually her style, but this girl didn't seem like she could handle any sharpness at that moment, playful or not.  
  
"Don't make fun," Nancy pleaded quietly, and that made Robin's heart hurt more.  
  
"I'm not - I won't," she assured her quickly. "But if I'm going to 'not make fun' I need to know what happened first."  
  
Nancy was quiet for a second, then finally spoke. "Jonathan and I broke up."  
  
Now, that brought up a lot of emotions for Robin. She knew she should be sympathetic, sad for the girl. But a part of her was oddly... excited. Not that she should have been. No longer having a boyfriend wouldn't suddenly mean she wasn't straight.  
  
"Oh no," she managed through the tightness in her throat.  
  
"I knew it was coming," Nancy continued, wiping her eyes. "Ever since he moved away, we've been growing apart. But... he let me drive all the way out to see him, just to call things off."  
  
"Would you have rather he did it over the phone?" That appeared to have been the wrong thing to say, because she was suddenly crying full force. Awkwardly, Robin offered a hand and led her to sit down on the bed. God, she wasn't good at this.  
  
"I don't know," Nancy replied finally. "I wish he hadn't done it at all. I mean - I knew, and it's not like I was still in love with him, either, but..."  
  
"But?"  
  
Nancy let out a shaky breath. "I'm sorry... We barely know each other, it's weird that I'm here."  
  
"A little." Robin kicked herself mentally. Why would she say that? Quickly, she added, "It's okay, though. But why here?"  
  
"You're the closest thing I have to a female friend," Nancy admitted finally. "Ever since Barb..." Suddenly, she was crying harder. "Jonathan was the closest thing I had to a best friend, and now... I don't know. It was you or Steve, and I didn't think Steve would know what to do."  
  
_'Steve would be doing a better job than me,'_ Robin thought to herself. Slowly, uncertainly, she lifted an arm and put her hand on Nancy's back. She seemed to take that as some sort of invitation, because suddenly she was leaning towards Robin, putting her head on her shoulder. _'No, no, no.'_  
  
But she couldn't tell her to get off, what would she even say? 'You can't touch me because I like you and I don't wanna feel like I'm manipulating you into physical contact.' No, that didn't even begin to make sense. So, instead, she just let her sit there, leaned up against her, until her sobs slowly started coming more infrequently. "It's okay," she said, trying to hide the discomfort from her voice.  
  
"Can I stay here tonight?" Nancy asked suddenly. "I told my mom I was staying at a friend's so that I could go see Jonathan, but now... I don't wanna just go home and have her find out I was lying."  
  
_'Oh god, no.'_ "Sure," Robin replied. "You can take the bed, I'll grab a sleeping bag for the floor."  
  
Nancy sniffled. "You don't have to sleep on the floor in your own house," she said. "Besides, we're both girls. We can share a bed."  
  
That was exactly why they couldn't share a bed, but Robin didn't know how to argue without outing herself. So, she grabbed an extra pillow while Nancy went to change and got the bed set up to have an extra person in it. When Nancy came back, she was clad in a pair of soft gray shorts and a white tank top. The sight of her slender legs and bony shoulders nearly killed Robin on the spot, but she held herself together.   
  
She took her turn to change, then came back to find Nancy on the bed, flipping through the book Robin had been reading before she came in.  
  
"What language is this?" Nancy asked, not looking up from the pages. She wasn't crying anymore, and only her clumped lashes and red eye rims betrayed that she had been.  
  
"Italian," Robin replied, still standing in the doorway.  
  
"You can read Italian?"  
  
"Speak it, too. And Spanish and French. And sort of English." She cracked a smile at that last bit.  
  
Nancy was impressed. "I didn't know you were so cultured. Not that I thought you were uncultured, but-"  
  
"I get it," Robin saved her from having to explain herself. Usually she would have pretended to be offended, just to watch the girl squirm, but she seemed like she had had enough for one night. "Yeah, I just like languages."  
  
"You must be, like, crazy smart."  
  
"You are, too. Don't you have like a 3.9 GPA?"  
  
"Yeah, well..." Nancy shrugged, glancing back down at the book. "That just means I study and do my work. GPA isn't a good measure of real intelligence."  
  
"Yeah, but you're still smart," Robin argued, a little too passionately. "Steve says you're basically a detective when shit goes down."  
  
"Steve said that?"  
  
"Yeah. He thinks pretty highly of you." She paused for a second, then added, "He's not still in love with you, though, if that's what you think. So don't, like, shut him out or anything."  
  
"Why would I shut him out for being in love with me?" Nancy genuinely looked like she didn't understand, and that made Robin think for a second. It was a good question, why would that be a reason to shut someone out? Huh. She hadn't really thought about it.  
  
"I don't know," she admitted. "Let's go to bed."  
  
Nancy didn't look like she was done talking about it, but she nodded, set the book aside, and tucked herself under the blankets. Robin got in on the other side, then rolled over to turn her back to Nancy. She wasn't expecting to get much sleep either way, but she especially wouldn't if she had to look at her.  
  
Still, not seeing her didn't block out her other senses. As she pulled the cord to turn off her bedside lamp, she was overcome by the sound of her breathing and the smell of her perfume. She had to remind herself that she had chosen the latter for Jonathan, a _boy._ Not for some girl that she was only spending time with as a last resort. That hurt to think about. She was glad Nancy trusted her enough to come to her, but did it really mean all that much if it was just because she didn't have other friends?  
  
She'd just have to take it for what it was.


	2. Chapter 2

Robin barely slept, but she knew Nancy had managed a full nights rest by her slow, deep breaths. That's what had kept her awake, actually, just the sound of her breathing. It was incredibly distracting.  
  
As dawn broke, she got up, careful not to wake the girl she was sharing a bed with. God, she still couldn't get that thought through her head. She was sharing a bed with Nancy Wheeler. Nancy Wheeler, with the pretty blue eyes and the wavy chestnut hair that she had grown out to her shoulder blades. Nancy Wheeler with the delicate frame and the jawline that kept Robin's eyes locked on her face. Nancy Wheeler who could fight monsters and shoot a gun, but still cried over a boy she claimed she didn't even love anymore.  
  
Not that Robin was judging her for crying. She understood her pain. She hadn't just lost a boyfriend, she had lost a friend. And those weren't easily replaceable, not for people who had been through things like they had. There was something about trauma that made it hard to let people in, she had learned that in the past year. And she had only experienced that sort of trauma once, she couldn't imagine the damage Nancy had undergone from the ongoing nature of everything she'd been through.  
  
That hurt to think about. She didn't want Nancy to be hurting, she didn't deserve pain. No one did, really, except maybe those evil Russians. But especially not Nancy. Not Nancy, who would gladly put herself at risk for her friends. Robin had heard about everything she had done over the years, from entering the Upside Down to cutting her hand to lure the monster to herself. She was brave and caring, and it sucked that she might be suffering because of it.  
  
Robin had to remind herself that this was all in her head, that for all she knew, Nancy was fine, just sad over a breakup like anyone would be. She had no evidence to back up the idea that she was traumatized, except for the fact that Robin felt like she would be in her situation.  
  
Again, she found herself staring and shook her head, glad the chestnut-haired girl was still sleeping and unable to tell what she was thinking. Quietly, she left the room and went down the hall to the kitchen. It was Sunday, and her parents were probably at church. She used to go with them, but they had stopped forcing her once she had turned eighteen. Old enough to vote, old enough to pick your own religion, they had said. She appreciated the gesture, but she felt she had been old enough to do that for some time.  
  
Making use of having the kitchen to herself, she cracked two eggs into a pan and began frying them up, wanting to be able to offer her guest some breakfast before she inevitably decided not to be there anymore. She knew Nancy wasn't a big eater - Steve always complained that he could never manage to feed her when they were hanging out - but if she didn't want an egg, Robin would happily eat both herself. No food waste in her house.  
  
The eggs were almost done cooking when she heard a noise from the hallway and turned to see Nancy exiting the bedroom, still dressed in those goddamn shorts and that goddamn tank top, with far too much skin showing for Robin's comfort. Averting her eyes almost compulsively, she let the other girl get closer before she spoke.  
  
"I'm making breakfast," she announced as Nancy joined her in the kitchen.  
  
"I can see that," Nancy replied, looking into the pan. She seemed oddly uncomfortable as she stared at the eggs, then looked back up to Robin's face. "I think I'm actually going to head out, though. My parents will be expecting me."  
  
Robin did her best to not be disappointed. She had expected this. Of course Nancy didn't want to hang out with her through the day, she was probably already regretting spending the night. After all, they weren't even friends.  
  
She must have somehow betrayed her thoughts, because Nancy continued. "Thanks for letting me stay," she said. "It really means a lot to me. We should... hang out, sometime?" The pitch of her voice went up at the end of the suggestion, turning it to a question. She seemed insecure about having asked it, and Robin briefly wondered if she had the same itch to connect that she did. No, of course not. It was just polite to act like you were interested in friendship, especially after spending the night in someone's bed.  
  
"Oh, yeah," she said finally. "Yeah, maybe sometime. No worries. See you around."  
  
Nancy lingered for a second, but soon went back to the bedroom to change into real clothes - thank god - and soon returned with her backpack slung over her shoulder. She waved goodbye as she went out the door, then she was gone. Just as quickly as she had appeared.  
  
Robin took the eggs off the pan and put them on a plate, sitting at the kitchen island to eat them. She was trying not to be sad, trying not to miss a girl she barely knew, but it wasn't working. She dropped her fork on her plate in frustration, then went to her room. Shit, it still smelled like her damn perfume. She stood there for a second, just breathing in the scent before snapping herself out of it and going to get dressed. She couldn't stay in there, she needed out. So, once she was dressed, she went outside, got on her bike, and rode to Steve's. She could vent her frustration to him, because he had been there before. Not in her exact situation, but close enough. He had been in love with Nancy Wheeler while unable to have her.  
  
Soon, she arrived at his front door and knocked. His mom answered the door, which wasn't a problem. She was good with parents, and especially Steve's parents. "Hey, Mrs. Harrington," she greeted, putting on her polite face. "Is Steve home?"  
  
Letting her in, the woman called out for her son. "Steve, Robin's here!"  
  
Steve took a minute, probably having been woken up by his mother's voice, but he eventually made his way out into the living room. "Well, look who it is," he greeted playfully.  
  
"Whaddup, dingus," she replied, already feeling a little less tense in his presence. They started towards his room, and Mrs. Harrington called after them.   
  
"Leave the door open!"  
  
They did. It wasn't a huge hardship, given that they had no intention of doing anything that might require a closed door. If they needed to talk about anything they didn't want Steve's parents to hear - like Robin's sexuality - they'd just lower their voices and keep an eye out to make sure that Mrs. Harrington wasn't standing at the door. That's what they always did.  
  
She entered the room first and went straight to sit on the bed, making herself comfortable. She was over there enough that it was basically a second home to her, which might have explained why Steve's mom thought it was necessary to impose a door-open rule. They certainly acted like they were dating, sometimes.  
  
"What's up, Buckley?" Steve asked, sitting beside her.  
  
"Nancy stayed over at my place last night." She cut right to the chase. That brought a look of shock to Steve's face.  
  
"Nancy Wheeler?"  
  
"Do you know another Nancy?"  
  
He shrugged. "Well, that's cool. Didn't know you guys were really friends, usually you barely talk when we all hang out together."  
  
"That's the thing," Robin said. "I didn't think we were friends, either. I still don't, really. But she showed up at my window crying because she and Jonathan broke up-"  
  
"She and Jonathan broke up?"  
  
"Yeah - she drove all the way out to hang out with him, and when she got there he called it off."  
  
"Brutal."  
  
"She said she kind of knew it was coming, but she seemed pretty upset, anyways. Something about not having a lot of friends anymore." She was downplaying how much she actually remembered from their conversation, when in reality she knew she probably had it memorized.  
  
"That's depressing. She knows I'm still her friend, right?"  
  
"Yeah, but I don't think she wanted to go to you about a breakup, considering your history. And also the fact that you're a dingus and would probably say something to make it worse." She elbowed him at that last bit.  
  
"Hey! I could be comforting."  
  
"Yeah, well, apparently she didn't think so, because she chose me to get her through the night. Which is crazy, because I think I did just as bad a job as you would have. She left first thing in the morning."  
  
"Was she feeling better, do you think?"  
  
"I couldn't tell. But, god, Steve, it was weird having a girl in my bed."  
  
"Yeah, bet you're not used to that," he teased.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"You guys didn't, like, do anything though, right?"  
  
Robin nearly hit him. "Of course not. She's straight, remember?"  
  
"Sometimes girls experiment after breakups."  
  
Robin _did_ hit him. "It wasn't like that," she protested.  
  
"But you wish it was, don't you?" He raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
Robin paled. How did he know that? Was she really so obvious? "N-no," she stammered. "I barely know the girl, why would I want to do anything like that with her?"  
  
"Because you're gay and she's hot?" She hit him again. "What? It's objectively true that Nancy Wheeler is attractive, whether you're into her or not."  
  
"Yeah, well I'm _not,_" Robin insisted. She didn't know why she was lying to Steve, because she definitely was into Nancy, but it just felt wrong to admit it in the moment.  
  
"Then why are you telling me all this?"  
  
Now that was a good question. Why would she be talking to him about Nancy if she wasn't interested in her? "Because you guys are friends," she said after a while. "So I thought you'd wanna know what was going on with her."  
  
"Yeah, but she'd've told me herself, eventually."  
  
"Well maybe I'm just a huge gossip, then."  
  
"That's not like you, Buckley," Steve reminded her. "You don't care about other people's personal lives."  
  
Well, she cared about Nancy's. "Then I don't know," she said, shrugging. "Just thought it was interesting."  
  
The conversation eventually moved on without Robin ever admitting that she did, in fact, like Nancy Wheeler. They hung out for a while, talking about anything and everything, until Robin decided to go home for lunch. When she got home, her mom briefly chewed her out for leaving her half-eaten eggs on the island - something she'd forgotten she'd even done until that moment - then made her a sandwich and sent her off to finish her reading for Italian class.  
  
It was hard to focus on the book, not just because of the faint lingering of perfume on her sheets, but because she couldn't stop thinking about how Nancy had complimented her ability to even read the book. She knew that it shouldn't have meant so much to her, but god it did, and god it made it so hard to pay attention.  
  
She was a mess. A lovestruck mess.


	3. Chapter 3

The next time Robin saw or heard from Nancy was almost a week later. Steve had invited her to a party in the next town over, and she had accepted this invitation upon hearing that Nancy was going as well. The three would get ready together, then all drive over in Steve's car. Robin had offered to be the designated driver, because, cool as she may have been, she didn't like the idea of losing her composure in front of a bunch of strangers. Or worse, in front of Nancy. No, there was too much at stake. But it was cool. She already knew that Steve was fun when plastered, so she was looking forward to that. Of course, she had only seen him drunk in two places: her house and his house. She had never attended a party with him, so that would be a new experience.  
  
They were meeting at her house, because it was in between Nancy's and Steve's. Steve came already dressed, wearing a leather jacket over a tight white tee shirt and jeans with the knees ripped out. He surely thought he looked pretty cool, but Robin couldn't help but roll her eyes upon seeing him. "Looking good, dingus," she teased as he came in. "You didn't need to come so early if you weren't getting ready with us. Now you're just gonna be sitting around until it's time to leave."  
  
He shrugged. "Could always go fill up the tank while you girls are getting dressed."  
  
"You don't have gas in your car?"  
  
"I've got enough to get us there."  
  
"How about to get us back, dingus?"  
  
"As I said, I could go fill'er up."  
  
Nancy showed up a few minutes later, a backpack slung over her narrow shoulders. Evidently, she had told her parents she was going out to study. When she started unpacking the bag, however, it was full of clothes - multiple outfits. "I didn't know what I wanted to wear," she explained. "So I brought a few things, I thought you guys could help me pick. And-" Getting to the bottom of the bag, she reached in and pulled out a bottle of clear liquid. "I stole a bottle of my mom's vodka so we could pregame."  
  
"Nancy Wheeler; naughty, naughty," Steve said with a low whistle. "But I've gotta get us there, and Robin's gotta get us back, so I'm not sure who you're expecting to pregame with."  
  
"I guess I'll just have to do it alone, then," she replied. She pried the cap off the bottle and took a quick pull, and suddenly Robin wondered what she was getting herself into. She had never seen Nancy drink, not once, and now she was drinking vodka straight from the bottle before they even got to the party? This girl went harder than she thought.  
  
They went to Robin's room, and Robin showed her companions what she had been planning on wearing. She knew she wanted to wear her black leggings - but she hadn't decided whether or not to layer a high-waisted skirt over them. She explained that if she went no skirt, she wanted to wear her oversized, off-the-shoulder pink tee, but if the skirt was a go, she'd choose a white tank top and a cropped jacket instead.  
  
Nancy took another pull from her vodka bottle. Robin secretly wanted to ask her to slow down, she seemed like she was already getting a little more than tipsy. But they didn't know each other like that, so she kept her mouth shut.  
  
"I like the skirt," Steve announced. "Nancy?"  
  
"I like the big top," she disagreed. "Shows off your shoulders. You've got great shoulders."  
  
Robin didn't even know what it meant to have 'great shoulders', but if Nancy liked it, that's what she was going with. She pulled the shirt on over her tank top, then turned around so that the other two could get a 360 view of the outfit. "Good?" she checked in.  
  
"Good," Nancy approved. She got up, swaying just slightly. "My turn. I've got a lot more choices, though. You guys ready?"  
  
"I would be," Steve said, getting up. "But I need to go get gas. Robin, you got this one?"  
  
Robin froze. Was he going to leave her alone with Nancy? With _drunk_ Nancy? She stared blankly for a moment, her brain malfunctioning. Then she mentally shook herself out of it. "Uh, yeah," she said. "That's fine. We'll just... stay here."  
  
With that, Steve left and Nancy and Robin were alone. Almost immediately, Nancy was taking her top off.  
  
"Whoa, whoa!" Robin exclaimed, stepping back. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Changing," Nancy replied nonchalantly. By then, her shirt was all the way off, and she stood there clad only in her bra from the waist up, holding two potential shirts for Robin to pick from. Robin really wished she was able to see the shirts, or anything else other than Nancy's pale midriff.  
  
"Which one?" Nancy prompted after a moment, and Robin knew she had to pick one so that Nancy could get it on her body fast. "Um, left," she chose without really looking.  
  
But Nancy didn't put the left one on, she just put the right one down and materialized yet another shirt. "Okay, now which one?"  
  
God, it was torture worse than anything the Russians had done. "Still the left," she said, at least trying to actually look at the shirts this time.  
  
"I think I like the other one."  
  
"Then go with that one."  
  
"I don't know, if you like this one... Your opinion matters to me."  
  
Robin tore her gaze away from her slender body and looked at the shirts again. Nancy was right, the right one was better. "I changed my mind," she said. "Go with the one you like." Nancy nodded and put it on, ending Robin's torment. Luckily for her, Nancy already knew which skirt went with that particular shirt, so she only had to stare at her thighs for a moment while she got changed.  
  
"Alright, we ready?" Robin asked, trying not to let on that she was sweating.  
  
"Ready," Nancy agreed, putting the leftover clothes back in her backpack. By then, Steve had returned from the gas station and had let himself back in, completely unaware of what had gone on in his absence.  
  
"You two look nice," he said, then they were out the door. As the only one who knew where they were going, Steve drove, and as the one that had to get them back, Robin sat in the passenger's seat, leaving Nancy to sit in the back, leaned forward sloppily between the seats.  
  
Starting the car, Steve looked back at her. "Literally how are you already drunk?" he asked. "Have you been sneaking pulls while we weren't looking?"  
  
"The trick," Nancy began with a sly smile. "Is to save all your calories for booze. That way it doesn't take so much to get you hammered."  
  
Steve and Robin exchanged a glance, both equally alarmed. "Not sure that was your best move, Wheeler," Steve admonished, but he pulled out of the driveway, anyways. "We'll have to feed you when we get there."  
  
Robin sat back in her seat, looking at the ceiling. What had she gotten herself into?  
  
\----  
  
The drive was long, but they eventually got where to the house where the party was being held. Robin took one look at the place then turned back to Steve.  
  
"Is this a frat house?" she asked accusingly.  
  
"Yeah?" Steve replied, surprised by her tone. "Where did you think we were going? We're not in high school anymore, Buckley."  
  
Robin huffed. Great. She had been envisioning a little high school party - wild, but mostly harmless. Not a college party. Not with an already-drunk Nancy crawling out of the backseat. Was she going to be babysitting her friends all night?  
  
Without responding to Steve, she got out to steady Nancy on her way out of the car. Once firmly on her feet, the drunken girl led the way in, Steve and Robin following.  
  
Steve went off to find himself something to drink, while Nancy took Robin's hand and led her around, eventually finding the living room, where the furniture had been pushed aside to create a dance floor. At that point, Nancy's grip tightened, and soon they were mixed in with the crowd. Moving her hips to the music, she faced Robin, trying to entice the taller girl into dancing with her. Robin was tentative at first, but she soon loosened up, allowing herself to grin and start moving. To her surprise, she was actually having fun.  
  
At that point, Nancy turned around so that her back was to Robin and raised her arms, looping them behind the other girl's neck as she pressed up against her. Instinctively, Robin's hands made her way to Nancy's waist, holding her closer for a second before she realized what she was doing. God, she hadn't even had anything to drink and she felt intoxicated. Letting go of her, she stepped back, breaking contact between the two of them.  
  
"Let's go into the kitchen," she suggested, raising her voice to be heard over the music. "You need some food in your stomach."  
  
Nancy pouted. "I was having fun," she whined. "Come on, just one more song!"  
  
Robin shook her head and took her hand, leading her out of the living room. "No, come on. We can dance later, I promise."  
  
They found their way to the kitchen, where bowls of chips had been set out on the counter top. Robin glanced over the selection with a wrinkled nose, wishing that there was something more substantial to feed the girl. "Well, looks like we're just gonna have to make do," she said. "Take your pick. Nancy?"  
  
She glanced around, realizing that the smaller girl was no longer at her side. Quickly, she spotted her at the punch bowl, ladling red liquid into a cup. In a couple of strides, she was by her side again, gripping her wrist. "No, no," she chastised. "Do not drink the punch at a frat house. Bad idea. Come on, focus. Which chips do you want?"  
  
"I'm not hungry," Nancy replied, trying to pull her wrist free. "Let's just go dance."  
  
"No." Robin tightened her grip. "You said you didn't eat today, and that worries me. I just don't want you to get too fucked up and do something stupid."  
  
"I'm _fine_," Nancy insisted. "I'm not going to do anything stupid. All I wanna do is drink and dance."  
  
"Yeah, well, if you don't eat something you're going to get too drunk to dance," Robin explained. "And you're not gonna have fun when that happens."  
  
At that point, Steve found them, a beer in hand. "You girls having fun?" he asked as he approached.  
  
"I'm _trying_," Nancy replied. "But she won't let me go."  
  
Robin was beginning to get frustrated. "I can't get her to eat anything," she said. "And I really don't wanna carry her home, so."  
  
Steve sighed, the light buzz he had built up effectively ruined. "Nance, why don't you just have some chips so that we can all go back to having fun," he suggested.  
  
Suddenly, Nancy wrenched her wrist free of Robin's hand and crossed her arms. "I don't want any chips," she snapped, suddenly irritated. "I'm going to go dance, you two can join me or not, I really don't care." With that, she stormed out of the kitchen, both Steve and Robin staring after her.  
  
"You weren't kidding when you said she was hard to feed," Robin commented darkly. Steve shrugged.  
  
"She just doesn't get hungry, I guess."  
  
"Do you think she's actually out to have fun?"  
  
"Why else would she be here?"  
  
"I don't know, she just went through a breakup. I'm kinda worried that she's just trying to drown her feelings about that."  
  
"So, do you think we should go after her?"  
  
"Someone's gotta keep an eye on her."  
  
With that, Steve grabbed a handful of chips for himself and they both went out to the living room. Nancy had found some guy to dance with in Robin's absence, and Robin tried not to let that make her jealous. Through the night, Steve continued drinking, though he never got quite to Nancy's level. Robin, as promised, stayed sober and kept an eye on both of them, not really allowing herself to have any fun in the process. It was about 1 in the morning before they convinced Nancy it was time to leave and got her into the car. Steve took the passenger seat this time, while Robin got in on the driver's side.  
  
She started the car and took directions from Steve, navigating them home.


	4. Chapter 4

As Robin pulled Steve's car into her driveway, she looked into the rear view mirror to see Nancy fast asleep in the back. The combination of copious alcohol and physical exertion in the form of dancing had worn her out, from the looks of it. Robin couldn't help but stare for a second, just watching the steady rise and fall of her chest, the way her messy hair fell into her face. Fuck.  
  
She tore her eyes away and looked to Steve. "I don't have the heart to wake her up," she commented. "You do it."  
  
"You don't have the heart? I thought if anyone was harsh enough to do that, it'd be you." He was kidding, obviously. Robin may have acted cold and sharp sometimes, but he knew best of anyone that she cared deeply about people. Getting a signature look of annoyance as a response, he unbuckled himself and leaned into the back seat, taking Nancy by the shoulder. "Hey Nance, wake up, we've gotta get you in the house."  
  
Nancy stirred, but only to push Steve's hand off her shoulder and settle deeper in her seat. Steve looked at Robin, a hint of amusement in his eye. He got out of the car and opened the back door, leaning in to grab the sleeping girl by both shoulders this time, pulling her back away from the seat. "Come on," he said. "You don't even need to be all the way awake, you just gotta stand, okay?"  
  
Seeming to accept that compromise, Nancy allowed Steve to pull her out of the car and to her feet. He then put an arm around her shoulders in an attempt to keep her upright, then started walking towards Robin's front door.  
  
It suddenly occurred to Robin for the first time that Steve and Nancy intended to stay over at her house. Of course they did, it's not like they were going to drive home now that they had been drinking. Shit, why hadn't she thought of that before she agreed to have her house be the meeting place? It was a good thing her parents were out for the night.  
  
Sighing, she followed Nancy and Steve into the house to find them in the kitchen, Nancy slumped in a chair at the island and Steve going through the fridge. "What are you doing?" Robin asked, standing in the doorway.  
  
"She never ate at the party," Steve explained. "So if we let her go to bed now, she'll have gone without eating for a whole day. Just trying to make sure she gets something in her system."  
  
Robin nodded, she wasn't going to argue with that. Soon, Steve pulled out a tub of yogurt and showed it to Nancy. "Yogurt?" he offered. She shook her head, tightening her lips as if to prevent anything from entering her mouth.  
  
Steve tried again. "Yogurt," he said, decisively. He opened the tub and rummaged around for spoon, finally finding one and presenting it to the drunken girl. "Come on, either you're gonna feed yourself or I'm gonna feed you, because we're not letting you go to bed with a stomach full of nothing but alcohol. Right, Robin?"  
  
Robin crossed her arms and nodded. Nancy, a little more awake by then, looked between the two to judge how serious they were. Upon finding that she had no say in the matter, she reached for the spoon, opting to feed herself. A few bites later, though, she set it back down, a glassy look in her eyes that Robin didn't recognize.  
  
Steve did, though. "You gonna throw up?" he asked, putting a hand on her back. She nodded, and he swiftly grabbed the nearest trash can and got it under her just in time. "Okay," he said, patting her back as she finished. "Okay, so the yogurt was a bad idea. We'll just get you to bed and worry about it in the morning, okay?" He looked to Robin, who had yet to move from the doorway. "Wanna help her get ready for bed? I'm just gonna crash on the couch."  
  
Robin nodded tentatively, looking to Nancy and going to help her up. She led her to her bedroom and let her lay down on her bed. Shit, for the second time, she was going to be sharing her bed with Nancy Wheeler.  
  
"Do you - uh - wanna get changed into pajamas or something?"  
  
There was no response, and Robin quickly realized that she had fallen back asleep. "Okay, then," she breathed to herself, then went to change out of her own clothes. It occurred to her that she could have changed in her room, Nancy wouldn't have even known, but something about being even close to naked anywhere near a girl she liked while she was drunk just felt... predatory, and that's not a feeling she was looking for. So she went to the bathroom, instead. When she came back, she couldn't help but just stand in the doorway for a moment, just watching her. She supposed she'd better roll her onto her side, just to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit or something horrible like that during the night. As she was performing this task, however, Nancy briefly opened her eyes, glanced up at Robin, and gave what had to be the warmest, most charming smile she had ever seen. She almost jumped back from the impact of that expression, but quickly enough Nancy's eyelids and mouth fell and it was gone. Heart pounding, she finished rolling her onto her side and went to lay on the other side of the bed.  
  
Again, she was in bed with Nancy Wheeler, this time a wildly drunk Nancy Wheeler. She was expecting another sleepless night, but the next thing she knew, she woke up rested. The first thing she did was turn her gaze to Nancy, checking on her on the off chance that she had stopped breathing during the night. She hadn't, and her sides rose and fell evenly. Good, now to go check on Steve. He hadn't been nearly as far gone as Nancy but still, he might need an advil or a glass of water, if he was awake.  
  
He wasn't, in fact, awake, and Robin stood by the couch for a moment, wondering how to spend her time as the only waking member of the household. Eggs. She'd make eggs again. Maybe this time Nancy would eat her eggs, she knew Steve would.  
  
She went to the kitchen and cracked four eggs into a pan - one for her, one for Nancy, two for Steve. Briefly, she thought about making a second one for Nancy, too, since she had apparently not eaten the previous day, but she decided to just not push it. If Nancy wanted more food, she'd make her more food.  
  
Once the eggs were fried, she portioned them onto plates, then took Steve's plate into the living room, waving it under his nose until he snorted awake. "Huh?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "Oh - rad. Thanks." His voice was raspy, and Robin took that to mean he could use some water, so she went to get some. She filled a glass for Nancy, too, assuming she'd be dehydrated after the night she'd had.  
  
Walking into her bedroom with an egg and a water glass, she found Nancy still asleep. She didn't think the eggs-under-nose trick would be appropriate for her, so instead she just lightly touched her shoulder, bringing her gently into wakefulness.  
  
"I made you an egg," she offered. "Again."  
  
"Hrm..." Nancy rubbed her temples and squeezed her eyes shut. "Ugh. My head."  
  
"Yeah, that's what happens when you get plastered on an empty stomach, Wheeler," Robin admonished. "You're probably hungry and dehydrated. Here - have some water."  
  
Nancy accepted the glass and drank thirstily until it was empty. Robin took it and placed the plate in her hands. "Good, now eat," she commanded.  
  
"Mmph. Not yet, I just woke up," Nancy replied. "I'm not hungry yet."  
  
"How are you not hungry? You literally ate like three bites of yogurt all of yesterday, and you threw that up." Robin was exasperated. How could anyone be this hard to feed?  
  
"My stomach hasn't woken up yet," Nancy replied. "I swear I'll eat something in a minute. I just... do you have any asprin? Or something?"  
  
"I've got advil," Robin said, a little more sympathetic. She could imagine the kind of hangover Nancy must have had at that moment. "You wanna stay here, or do you wanna move out to the living room? You and Steve can be miserable together."  
  
"I'll go to the living room."  
  
Robin offered a hand to help her to her feet, then went to the bathroom to raid the medicine cabinet while Nancy found herself a seat on the recliner. Steve was lying on his back on the couch, eating eggs off of his chest. He greeted Nancy with a half-wave.  
  
"Good to see you alive, Nance," he said. "Wasn't totally sure you were gonna make it through the night."  
  
"Yeah, well," she grumbled. "I feel like I didn't."  
  
Robin returned with a dose of advil for each of them, handing over the pills before going to refill their glasses. She felt like a nurse caring for patients that morning. Steve and Nancy mimed clinking glasses before downing their pills and water, then Nancy nestled back in her chair. "I don't remember, like, any of last night," she admitted. "I don't think I could even pick out the house we were in."  
  
"Yeah," Robin said, finally beginning to eat her egg. "That's because you got shitfaced before we even left the house. You ever heard of 'crafting your buzz', Wheeler?"  
  
She flinched. "I'm usually not that bad," she swore. "I guess I was just on a mission to get drunk fast last night."  
  
Steve snorted. "Yeah, no shit. At least you had fun, even if you can't remember it. Never seen you dance that much."  
  
Robin cut in again. "You ready to eat yet?" she asked. "Your egg's gonna get cold."  
  
"No," Nancy replied with a shake of her head. "One of you can have it. My stomach hurts."  
  
"Always got an excuse," Steve commented. "You want it, Buckley?"  
  
"No," Robin replied, trying to hide her frustration. "I want _her_ to have it. What's wrong, Wheeler? Why aren't you eating?"  
  
Nancy hesitated at the edge in Robin's voice, evidently deciding whether to shrink away or swell back at her. In the end, she remained level. "I just told you. My stomach hurts," she insisted.  
  
"Do you not like eggs? I'll make you something else."  
  
"No, eggs are fine. I just don't feel good."  
  
Steve could see tensions rising, so he sat up on the couch and cut in. "You probably feel sick because you haven't eaten," he suggested. "Maybe just try a couple bites and see how it makes you feel?"  
  
Nancy looked at Steve, then back at Robin, her jaw tense. "Fine," she relented. "But if I end up puking my guts out, it's your fault."  
  
Taking that as a win, Robin fetched her plate and handed it to her. Nancy scowled down at it, then slowly took a forkful and put it in her mouth. After swallowing, she looked up. "You don't need to stare at me," she complained. "It's not a spectacle."  
  
They each averted their gazes, and she took another forkful. In all, she ate about half the egg before she went to hand the plate back to Robin. "I still feel sick," she explained. "I think I need to go home. I'll see you guys later."  
  
Robin felt a familiar disappointment, and suddenly worried that she had been too pushy. She had just been concerned for her, she hadn't meant to drive her off. "Oh, okay," she replied, doing her best to hide the concern from her voice. "Yeah, see you later." By then, Nancy was in the bedroom retrieving her backpack, then she was on her way out the door.  
  
"You good to drive?" Steve called after her, but she was gone. "Ah- she's probably fine."  
  
Robin knew he meant fine to drive, but she couldn't force back other concerns from her mind. "Yeah," she said absently. "I hope so."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: fainting, eating disorder implications

The next time Robin heard from Nancy was three days after the party. Really, she wasn't expecting to hear from her at all, ever again, so when her mom informed her that her friend was on the phone, she assumed it was Steve.  
  
"'Sup, dingus?" she greeted as she picked up the phone from her room.  
  
"What?"  
  
Her heart nearly stopped. Had she not just nearly force fed this girl until she left not three days before? She felt absolutely blessed just to hear her voice. And she had just called her a dingus. "Oh- Nancy. Sorry, I thought you were - uh - Steve. Sorry. What's up?"  
  
There was silence on the other end for what felt like hours, but was probably only a second. "I was just wondering if you wanted to... hang out?"  
  
"With you?"  
  
"That's kinda what I had in mind, yeah."  
  
Shit, what a dumb thing to say. Stupid, stupid.  
  
"Oh- cool. What did you have in mind?"  
  
"Well, since I've slept over at your house twice now, I thought maybe you could come sleep over at mine? If you come now, we can just hang out until it gets dark and then have a fire, maybe?"  
  
That sounded like a dream. There was just one question on Robin's mind. "Is Steve coming?"  
  
"I mean - he can, I guess. I wasn't planning on inviting him. I thought we could have more of a girls night?"  
  
Perfect. Horrible. Fabulous. Terrifying. They had only hung out without Steve once, and even that had been unplanned. Now Nancy Wheeler was inviting her, specifically her, over to her house? She couldn't even remember if she had ever been in Nancy's house. She had seen the outside while with Steve, picking her up for various things, but had she ever gone in? Probably not.  
  
Her silence was beginning to get weird, she realized, so she quickly choked out an answer. "Yeah," she said. "That sounds good. Should I pick up some takeout for lunch on the way over?"  
  
Nancy paused. "I'm good," she said after a second. "Get yourself something if you're hungry, though. Do you know where I live?"  
  
She did, but she wasn't sure she could conjure a memory if she tried at that moment. So, she took Nancy's directions and wrote them down, mumbled a goodbye, then hung up the phone. Deciding against the takeout if Nancy wasn't having any, she quickly made a sandwich for the road, then headed out, unable to believe what she was doing. She was going to Nancy Wheeler's house. Alone.  
  
Her sandwich was eaten by the time she got there, and she absently hoped that Nancy's denial of takeout meant that she had already eaten, too. Getting out of the car, she rang the doorbell and waited until Nancy appeared in the doorway.  
  
"Hey," the smaller girl greeted. "Come in."  
  
Robin obeyed, looking around the house as she followed Nancy into the living room. It was large; She knew Nancy's family had money, but she hadn't realized just how much money until that moment. Their TV especially caught her eye, it seemed massive compared to hers.  
  
Nancy led her to her bedroom, and they sat down on the bed. Robin couldn't help but look around, the room was so pastel and, well, _Nancy._ If it had been anyone else, she would have judged.  
  
Her eyes landed on the desk, covered in photos in frames. She recognized Barbara Holland in some of them. Well, most of them, actually. Some of her and Nancy together, some of just her. She couldn't help but think about just how much it must have sucked for Nancy, losing her. Robin had lost friends to drama and growing apart, but she'd never had one die. She did't know what to say. Maybe it would be weird to say anything.  
  
Other than the pictures of Barb, she had one of Steve - the same senior picture Robin had on her desk - then the rest were of her and Jonathan. Nancy followed her gaze then looked down, embarrassed. "I haven't gotten rid them yet," she explained. "I'm going to, I promise."  
  
"We could do that now?" Robin suggested. "That seems like a girls day activity to me; getting rid of pictures of your ex. Hell, if we're having a fire like you suggested, we could even burn them."  
  
Nancy seemed unsure of that. She was silent for a long while and Robin started to worry that she was pushing too hard. Maybe she just wasn't ready to let go of a relationship that had meant so much to her. But eventually, she nodded. "Yeah. Let's do that."  
  
Robin grinned and got up, walking to the desk and taking a picture of the formerly happy couple. Nancy followed her and stood beside her, watching as she took the picture out of the frame and set it aside. "Here's the pile," Robin declared. "Just set all the photos here and tonight we'll burn them."  
  
They worked at that for a little bit before Nancy suddenly stopped. "I don't feel well," she announced.  
  
"Too emotional for you, Wheeler?"  
  
"No, I mean physically. I think I need to sit down..." Robin's brow creased as the girl turned and took a step towards the bed. Before she could make it, though, she swayed and reached out a hand, grasping at nothing. Alarmed, Robin watched as she crumpled towards the ground.  
  
"Whoa-" She reached for her and caught her just before she hit the floor, then gently lowered her the rest of the way down. Kneeling down, she looked into her face, taking in her closed eyes and slightly parted lips. She swiftly grabbed a couple pillows from the bed and used them to prop her legs up, hoping that getting blood to her head would revive the poor girl. It did, but it took a few moments.  
  
"Nancy?" she said tentatively as her eyelids began to flutter. "You okay?"  
  
She merely groaned in response, squeezing her eyes tightly shut against the light. Robin shut off the lamp. "That better?"  
  
A quiet "Mm" was all she got, but it was better than silence. Nancy opened her eyes again, glancing around slowly. She was obviously confused and, judging by the pallor of her skin, still not feeling very well. Robin slowly reached out, putting a hand on her shoulder to ground her.  
  
"I think you fainted," she explained gently. "You should stay down for a minute - you don't look so good."  
  
Nancy nodded languidly, but still didn't reply verbally. Slowly, her eyelids began to droop and, in a sudden panic, Robin shook her shoulder to keep her awake.  
  
"Nance? Can you talk to me? Tell me how you're feeling."  
  
"Tired." Robin was relieved to hear her voice, even if it was just a single word.  
  
"Okay, well - no sleeping right now, okay? Just wanna be able make sure you're still good. Okay?"  
  
She nodded again. Robin frowned, concerned for the girl. She looked so frail and weak laying on the floor like that, and the fact that she wasn't talking seemed worrying.  
  
"Do you want me to move you to the bed?" she asked, brow knitted. Receiving another nod as an answer, she slipped her hands under her and hoisted her up into her arms. She was very light, and carrying her the two steps to the bed wasn't nearly the challenge Robin had expected. She lay her among the pillows, then put her feet back up before sitting down beside her.  
  
"Talk to me," she said for the second time. "I'd feel better if I could hear your voice."  
  
"I don't feel good," Nancy mumbled.  
  
"What doesn't feel good?" Robin asked, brushing some of her hair back and putting a hand on her forehead to feel for a temperature. She didn't feel particularly warm. In fact, she may have been running a little cold.  
  
"Dizzy," was all she said as her eyes slipped shut again. Nearly panicking now, Robin gently shook her, but there was no response. She reached for the phone by her bedside, not completely sure who she was going to call until she found herself dialing Steve's number. When her friend finally picked up, she didn't bother saying 'Hello'.  
  
"Steve? I'm at Nancy's house and she just fainted."  
  
"Oh, shit. Is she okay?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Well, she's done it before, if that makes you feel any better. Her blood pressure gets low. Or blood sugar? I don't remember, one of the two. Sometimes she feels better if she drinks some juice or something."  
  
Weirdly, knowing that it had happened before did make her feel a little less anxious about the situation. And knowing that there was a simple fix was even better.  
  
"Okay, I think I saw some apple juice in the fridge? Is it okay to leave her to get it while she's still passed out?"  
  
"Wait, she's not awake yet?"  
  
The tone of Steve's voice brought the anxiety back to Robin's chest. "She was awake for a little bit, then she went back out."  
  
"Well, that doesn't sound good."  
  
That made Robin's heart lurch. "Should I call 911 or something?" she asked, suddenly way more freaked out than she had been.  
  
"How long has she been down?"  
  
"Only like a minute."  
  
"I'm gonna come over. If she's not awake by the time I get there, then I think we should be worried and call someone. But as I said, it's happened before, so..."  
  
Robin was a little relieved to hear that Steve was on his way. Even if she didn't trust his ability to actually help, at least she'd have some moral support if they had to go to the hospital. God, she hated doctors, even if they weren't for her.  
  
She hung up the phone and looked back to Nancy. God. It hadn't been the floor that had made her look so frail, she still looked incredibly tiny and fragile on the bed. Looking at her, she realized for the first time just how _thin_ she was. How could her legs even hold her up when it looked like Robin could get her hand completely around her thigh? She wondered with a sick feeling in her stomach if her weight was at all related to her present state.  
  
She sat silently for a couple of moments, then sighed. "If you wanna wake up, that'd be great, Wheeler." She didn't know if talking to her would help, but she didn't think it'd hurt. "At least before Steve gets here. I really don't wanna go to the hospital today. Can't stand doctors, did I tell you that?"  
  
After a moment, she continued. "Listen, Wheeler, I'm scared for you. I know it's only been, like, two minutes, but god it feels like longer. And I know it's probably weird to say, but I care about you. A lot. And I'm really kinda freaking out about the fact that something's wrong with you, so... Nance?"  
  
She leaned over her face, listening hard. She could have sworn she had heard her mumble, or at least seen her lips move. But now she didn't hear anything. She was about to sit back up, giving up, when Nancy let out a quiet groan. Her eyes flickered open, and, without thinking, Robin pulled her into a hug. "God, Wheeler, you scared me," she breathed into her hair. Realizing what she was doing, she gently laid her back down. "How're you feeling?"  
  
"Mm. Like shit," Nancy replied. Robin was just glad it was more than one word. She stood up beside the bed and started for the door.  
  
"Stay there," she commanded. "I'm gonna get you some juice. Steve said it'll make you feel better."  
  
"Steve's here?"  
  
"Not yet. But I called him, he'll be here soon. Until then, just... stay where you are, and don't try to sit up, okay?" With that, she pushed her way out the door and went down the stairs to the kitchen. At first she thought of just pouring a glass of apple juice, but then she decided to bring up the whole bottle, just in case she wanted more. Glass and juice in hand, she returned to find Nancy exactly where she had left her.  
  
Robin placed the glass on the bedside table and poured juice into it, then looked back to Nancy. "Okay, we're gonna get you sitting up so you can drink," she explained. "You're not gonna pass out on me, right?"  
  
Nancy nodded, and Robin helped her into a sitting position. Once they had managed that, she passed her the glass and watched as she drank shakily.  
  
"Any better?" Robin queried.  
  
"A little," Nancy replied.  
  
At that moment, there was a knock on the door, then it opened and a hurried Steve entered. "Oh, great," he said, standing in the doorway. "She's awake. Problem solved."  
  
Robin gave a tight smile, but she didn't quite agree. The problem may have been solved for the moment, but there was still the underlying cause of why she had fainted in the first place. Steve might have been satisfied with 'low blood pressure or sugar', but she wanted to know how to _fix_ it so it didn't happen again.  
  
Then again, she didn't want to start bombarding Nancy with questions while she was still recovering. So, instead, she just sat back down beside her and watched her finish off the juice.  
  
"How you feeling, Nancy?" Steve asked, approaching the bed.  
  
"Weak. Worn out. Kind of nauseous." Despite the negativity of the words, Robin could have done a little dance of excitement that she was cognizant enough to describe how she was feeling. It was an improvement, to say the least.  
  
"Well, try to keep that juice down," Steve instructed, pointing at her. "A little sugar will do you good. What have you eaten today?"  
  
Nancy didn't answer right away, and Robin's gaze immediately snapped to her face to make sure she wasn't losing consciousness again. While bleary eyed, she seemed pretty firmly awake, much to Robin's delight.  
  
"I haven't," Nancy finally admitted. "I guess I forgot."  
  
"Nance," Steve said, almost pleading. "You can't forget food, your body doesn't have any reserves to run on. What do you want? I'll go make you something."  
  
"Just the juice is fine," she replied quietly. Then, after a second, "I'm too nauseous to eat right now. Maybe in a little bit."  
  
Steve seemed to accept that, but Robin was suspicious. She had forgotten to eat? When she had explicitly offered to pick up lunch on her way over? Just days after the last time she had fasted for a whole day? It didn't add up. But she didn't want to call her out on it at that moment, didn't want to stress her out. So she just quietly refilled her glass and passed it back to her.  
  
She drank a little more, then set the mostly-full glass back on the table, putting her head back. Steve approached and sat on the foot of the bed. "What do you think?" he asked. "You gonna survive?"  
  
Nancy nodded. "Yeah, I think so." Her voice was a little stronger then, and Robin could practically see her brain starting to work again. "Hey," she started. "Don't tell my mom what happened, okay? She'd worry."  
  
Steve nodded, but Robin folded her arms. "She should worry," she responded, a little more harshly than she had intended. "I'm worried. Steve's worried. You've passed out twice in the last fifteen minutes, once while already laying down. I don't think that's a thing that happens to healthy people." Whoops. So much for not stressing her out. Nancy's brow furrowed more and more as Robin talked.  
  
"I'm fine," Nancy said finally, a certain darkness in her voice. "Really, I'm okay. I forgot to eat today, and that's it."  
  
Unable to swallow her own words, Robin retorted. "I offered to bring you lunch."  
  
Steve turned his attention from Nancy to Robin at that point, surprised. Nancy cringed, avoiding eye contact with either of them. "I wasn't hungry."  
  
"Okay, but don't tell me you 'forgot' to eat when you blatantly chose not to," Robin said sternly. "Okay?"  
  
Nancy's voice was barely a whisper as she replied. "Okay. I'm sorry."  
  
Robin sighed. She hadn't meant to be so harsh towards her. "It's okay," she said, closing her eyes for a second. "Like I said, I'm just worried. You scared me."  
  
"I think we all need to just relax," Steve suggested. "Nancy, I know you don't feel good, but I think both Robin and I would feel a lot better if you ate. Who knows, it might actually settle your stomach. Can I get you, like, some saltines, at least?"  
  
Nancy finally relented, shoulders sagging. "Okay," she agreed. "I can probably keep down a few saltines. Do you know where they are?"  
  
Steve got to his feet, heading for the door. "I remember."  
  
As soon as they were alone, Robin looked to Nancy and frowned. "Why didn't you let me get you lunch?" she asked quietly. "If you hadn't eaten, you should have let me feed you."  
  
"I wasn't hungry," Nancy repeated. Robin sighed.  
  
"That's bullshit," she said, as gently as those specific words could be said. "You know I know what's going on, right?" She waited for a response, but got none. "Nancy, you're beautiful. You don't need to diet or starve yourself or whatever it is you're trying to do."  
  
She couldn't have possibly been ready for Nancy's response. "It's not about beauty," she whispered, effectively breaking Robin's heart.  
  
Robin leaned in close, absolutely hating that they were having this conversation. "Then what is it about?"  
  
Before Nancy could answer, Steve walked back in with a box of crackers and stopped in the doorway. "Am I interrupting something?" he asked uncertainly, eyeing their odd closeness before Robin could pull away.  
  
Robin almost said 'yes', but Nancy was quicker. "No," she said. "Thank you, Steve." She took the box as it was offered to her, opening it and pulling out a sleeve of crackers. She took the first cracker from the sleeve and began nibbling on it daintily. Robin got up and went to the window, just to have her back turned to the other two for a second while she got her thoughts together. Nancy had just basically admitted to starving herself, and that thought made it hurt to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the abrupt ending, I just didn't want this chapter to get too much longer than the other ones!


	6. Chapter 6

When Robin turned back around, Nancy was starting in on a second cracker, still eating slowly and meticulously. She had never seen a person take more than two bites to eat a damn saltine, but somehow this girl was stretching it into a meal. As she stared at her, she started to piece things together. All the times she had said that she wasn't hungry, or that she had felt sick... The fact that she had fasted all day so that she could drink less and still get drunk. Nancy really was on a mission to starve her body. But the thing that really bothered Robin, the thing she couldn't get out of her head, was what she had said just moments before.  
  
It's not about beauty.  
  
That didn't make any sense. Why would anyone hurt themselves like that if it wasn't for aesthetics? Was she trying to die?  
  
Robin felt even sicker at that thought, and briefly she wondered if she might end up on the floor next. But she managed to pull herself together and walk around the bed, sitting on the side opposite Nancy. "Those crackers bringing you around at all?" she questioned, pretending not to be as worried as she was. Not that she had eaten nearly enough to fix the damage she had already done to herself. God, looking at her with a more critical eye, all she could see were the signs of starvation. Not only was she so very thin, but her eyes were sunken, her fingernails bluish. How long had this been going on without anyone doing anything about it? What _could_ be done about it?  
  
"Yeah," Nancy replied. "I'm starting to feel better now, thanks." She took a third cracker from the sleeve, then set the box aside. Robin wanted to put the box back in her hands, make her eat more, but she also didn't want to get kicked out of her house. She had finally started recognizing her pattern of pushing people away when asked to eat.  
  
Steve, apparently satisfied with that, got to his feet and went to the desk. "Why are all these pictures of Jonathan out?" he questioned.  
  
Robin hadn't even remembered what they had been doing until that moment. "We were getting rid of them," she explained. "We _were_ gonna have a bonfire."  
  
"We still can," Nancy piped up. "Really, I'll be feeling better in a few minutes, then we can go back to our girls day." Robin raised her brow. She knew that Nancy was 'monster fighting' tough, but she didn't know she was 'pass out from starvation for a couple minutes and go right back to her day' tough. As stressed as she was in that moment, she had to admit to herself that that type of strength was part of the reason she was so attracted to her.  
  
"Girls day," Steve repeated back, looking to Robin with a sly look on his face. "Sorry to interrupt something so important."  
  
"Well, it was kinda a necessary interruption," Robin replied. "I wouldn't have known what to do without you."  
  
"Yeah well, it's not my first rodeo." He returned to Nancy's side and patted her shoulder. "Like I said, I've seen this one fall on the floor more than once."  
  
Previously comforted by that statement, Robin found herself suddenly worried by it. If Nancy's fainting had to do with her not eating, and it had happened enough times that Steve was used to it, just how long had she not been eating? "How often does it happen?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant.  
  
"Not often," Nancy insisted, at the same time that Steve replied, "More often than I'd like." They looked at each other, Nancy's expression sharp, Steve's confused.  
  
Steve continued. "I feel like it's, like, once a month. That's a lot for most people."  
  
Nancy shook her head. "It's not nearly that often," she argued. "And it's not that big a deal, either. My blood pressure just gets low."  
  
Steve shrugged. "Still scary."  
  
"Haven't you been beaten up by evil Russians? Isn't that way scarier?"  
  
"It's a different type of scary."  
  
"Alright, alright," Robin cut in. "I was just curious. You wanna stay for the fire, Harrington? That okay with you, Wheeler?"  
  
"Nah," Steve replied before Nancy could respond. "I'll get out of here and let you two have your 'girls day'. Feel better, Nance."  
  
With a couple goodbyes, he was gone, and the girls were alone again. Robin was quiet for a long time, not sure exactly what her next move should be. Should she just pretend to ignore what Nancy had said before, just let it go? No, that wasn't her style. Robin Buckley wasn't afraid of confrontation. Well, maybe a little in this case, but only because she desperately didn't want Nancy to shut her out. Still, she wanted to try.  
  
"Earlier," she began. "You said that it wasn't about beauty. Elaborate."  
  
"Elaborate how?" Nancy had her guard up, her whole body was tense. She looked like she was ready to defend against a physical attack.  
  
"What exactly is 'it'?" Robin asked, trying to keep her voice calm. She didn't want to give her any reason to not trust her, and being too harsh would break any friendship they already had. "And if it's not about beauty, what is it about?"  
  
Nancy was quiet, and Robin could see her brain working overtime to try to get out of the conversation. Finally, though, she seemed to decide that she had to answer. "It's nothing," she proclaimed, partially to herself. "It's nothing, I'm fine. I just - I don't know."  
  
"Well, I just watched you pass out after only standing for like five minutes, so I wouldn't say that 'fine' is the right word." Shit, too sharp. She had to dial it back. "I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, I just want to understand so that I can help you."  
  
"I don't need help, though."  
  
Robin felt a familiar urge to snark at her, but this time managed to suppress it. Instead, she spoke evenly. "Okay. Just... know you can come to me if you change your mind. I know I can seem unwelcoming, but..."  
  
"But you care about me?"  
  
Robin suddenly felt embarrassed. "You were awake for that?"  
  
"I was in and out."  
  
"Well, shit." Robin looked up as a way to avoid eye contact. "Sorry."  
  
"Why are you sorry? It was nice to hear. Means a lot, because I kinda got the sense you didn't like me for awhile there."  
  
Now, Robin couldn't help but look at her. Was she being serious? "What made you think that?"  
  
"Well, we never hang out without Steve, and you always seem really uncomfortable when I'm around, especially when I came over after Jonathan. Then when I was at your house after the party the other day, you were mad at me for not eating, and I don't know. I guess I mostly invited you over today to try and make up for whatever I might have done to annoy you."  
  
Robin was stunned. "I wasn't mad at you," she insisted. "I was worried, because I knew you hadn't eaten. And you've never done anything to annoy me, we don't hang out without Steve because... I don't know, I guess I didn't know if you liked me much, either."  
  
They looked at each other for a long time, marveling in their new revelations, until Nancy laughed and shook her head. "So, we've spent a year barely talking because we both assumed we weren't liked?"  
  
"And it took you falling on the floor to get us to actually realize that that wasn't true." Robin shook her head, feeling lighter than she had in a while. "I don't know, Wheeler. People say we're smart, and I don't know about you, but I'm not feeling all that bright right now."  
  
"Me neither," Nancy agreed. "But hey. At least it's cleared up now. Glad to know I have a friend."  
  
Robin's heart leaped at the word 'friend'. If she couldn't have her in the way she wanted, that was the next best thing. "Yeah," she agreed, trying to keep her cool. "Me too."  
  
They sat in silence a little longer, each separately mulling over the conversation. Robin couldn't help but feel stupid, just assuming Nancy didn't want to be around her like she had. She had wasted so much time just wishing that they were hanging out when they could have been doing it for real.  
  
It was Nancy that broke the silence, though. "Whatever's going on with me," she began uncertainly. "The food thing. I know you want to fix it, but it's really not that simple."  
  
Robin was just glad she was opening up about it, admitting it was a problem. "Can you at least explain it to me?" she asked, as gently as she could.  
  
"I don't know if I can," Nancy replied, her voice wavering ever so slightly. "I don't totally understand it myself. It's just, like, a compulsion."  
  
"A compulsion to do what?"  
  
Silence. Robin could see Nancy untangling her answer from what must have been a whole mess of thoughts in her head. "To just... eat less, to be thinner." She looked almost pained, saying that out loud. Robin realized that she probably had never had to explain it to anyone before. "I thought it would go away once I hit my goal weight, but then I did and I just set a lower goal weight. I don't know. Maybe it's not going to go away at all."  
  
"It's not," Robin said, and that made Nancy's head jerk up to look at her. "Not on its own, that is. It's a sickness, like anything physical. It needs treatment. You should talk to a doctor."  
  
Nancy folded her arms over her chest, folding into herself. "I don't know if I'm ready for all that," she said quietly.  
  
Robin could see that she was regretting having opened up about it. She was shutting down. "Well, things are obviously pretty serious," she said, her voice low. "If it's gotten to the point where you're passing out from it, I really think that, ready or not, something needs to be done. You could be doing really bad damage to your body."  
  
Sighing, Nancy put her head back against the pillows. "I don't know," she said again. "I just don't know."  
  
Robin hesitated for a second, then slowly scooted over from her spot on the edge of the bed to the middle, so close they were almost touching. God, just the smell of her was so overpowering that she almost forgot what they were talking about. But she kept herself focused and placed a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. "I'm not going to force you to do anything," she said. "But I will be around for anything you might need, okay? I don't want to see you hurting."  
  
Unexpectedly, Nancy slowly leaned to the side, pressing into Robin and turning her head to touch her forehead to her shoulder. That sent jolts through Robin's entire body, and she instinctively held her breath for a moment until she heard Nancy mumble into her, "Thank you. I just... I can't believe someone cares."  
  
Forcing herself to breathe normally, Robin wrapped an arm around her and gave her a little squeeze. "You have plenty of people that care," she insisted quietly. "Steve cares. Your mom, your brother... No one wants to see you hurt."  
  
"Then why are you the first to even notice that something was wrong?"  
  
"I'm probably not. I'm just the first to have the balls to say anything." She chuckled a little at that. "No one else wants to call out a badass like Nancy Wheeler. Too dangerous."  
  
Nancy let out a short laugh, then turned her head so that it was her cheek against Robin's shoulder, not her forehead. "I don't feel like a badass," she commented.  
  
"Then what do you feel like?"  
  
"Scared. Always scared. For three years now, it's just been nonstop fear."  
  
Robin frowned a bit at that, looking down at the top of her head. "Well, that just proves how much of a badass you are," she said finally. "You might be scared, but you push through it. That's the bravest thing you can do."  
  
"Maybe." Nancy shrugged, nestling closer to her at the same time. Neither of them spoke for a long time, just laying there pressed into each other with their separate thoughts. Robin couldn't help but lament just how _right_ she felt, holding Nancy Wheeler against her. Her _friend_, Nancy Wheeler. Not her acquaintance, not Steve's friend, but her friend. And of course, maybe she wanted her to be more than just her friend, but god, she'd take friendship and she'd damn well like it, because it was so much better than being strangers.  
  
Finally, after whole minutes of silence, Nancy spoke. "Let's go burn some pictures."


	7. Chapter 7

After taking the rest of the Jonathan pictures out of their frames, Nancy and Robin went out to the backyard to build their fire. At first, Robin found herself watching Nancy's every move, worried that she might crumple to the floor again at any second, but she slowly relaxed with time and began to get excited about their plans. Bonfires were fun, she'd had many of them with her band friends and they had always ended with gossip and deep conversations. And while she and Nancy had already gotten their deep conversations out of the way in the bedroom, she was sure they could find something to gossip about. Or, given the theme of the fire, maybe they could just shit-talk Jonathan. That'd be fun.  
  
Soon, the fire was built and roaring, and the two girls pulled up their chairs and sat next to each other, staring into it.  
  
"You ready?" Robin asked, glancing at the photographs that sat between them.  
  
Nancy let out a breath. "Yeah, I guess so." She took the top photo and looked at it. It was the two of them, sitting on a bench at the park, leaned into each other and smiling at the camera. "It was our six month anniversary," Nancy explained. "Which, looking back, wasn't a big deal. Six months is nothing. But when you're in love, sometimes you look for any reason to celebrate it." She stared at the photo a little longer, and briefly Robin worried that she might start crying. But soon enough, she tore her gaze away and tossed it into the fire. It burned quickly and easily, and Robin couldn't help but smile.  
  
They went through each picture like that - Nancy explaining why it was special, what it made her feel, then burning those feelings away. Once they were through the stack, they each sat back in their chairs.  
  
"He sucks," Robin declared.  
  
Nancy didn't seem so sure. "I don't know," she said. "I mean, we may not be in love anymore, but we had a lot of good times. And he always treated me well, for the most part."  
  
Robin frowned. "I guess I don't know him like you did," she admitted. "But from the outside, he always seemed... Whiny. Like he thought he was cool because he was sad, but really that was his whole personality."  
  
"He's sweet, though," Nancy protested. "And creative. And he loves his family so much; It's endearing."  
  
"You really don't sound like you're 'not in love with him'." Robin knew she was being hard on Jonathan, but it was hard not to. She had spent the past year hating him for having something she couldn't, so she was quite practiced at picking on his flaws.  
  
"I'm not, I promise. It's just... I wish we could still be friends or something, because we really did go through a lot together."  
  
That was understandable. "Why can't you be friends?"  
  
"He said that he wanted a 'clean break'. He doesn't want there to be any confusion over what we are, because that would hurt both of us too much."  
  
"Oh my god." Robin couldn't stop herself. "He sucks."  
  
This time, Nancy laughed, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. "Okay, maybe a little," she relented. "You know, last summer before everything went down, my boss at the paper was treating me like shit. And when I told Jonathan, you know what he said?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"He said that that's just how things were and that I'd have to deal with it. Then he started talking about how his family had no money and mine did? I don't know, it was weird."  
  
Robin snorted. "God, you sure know how to pick 'em, Wheeler," she said. "From Steve Harrington to Jonathan Byers."  
  
Nancy looked surprised. "What's wrong with Steve?"  
  
"Nothing, Steve's great. Steve's my best friend. It's just that he has two braincells _max_ and you're too smart to ever be satisfied by someone like that."  
  
Laughing, Nancy shook her head. "I'm telling him you said that," she warned.  
  
"Good, do it. I'll say it to his face, I don't care."  
  
"Well," Nancy began, pulling her legs up onto her chair. "Who do you think would be right for me, then?"  
  
Robin's heart lurched. She could have pulled her into a kiss right then and there, to show her exactly the answer to that question. She almost did, but stopped herself. Nancy was straight, she knew that, and she didn't want to scare her away. Not when they were just becoming friends. "I don't know," she said instead. "I think that you should just work on loving yourself before you go around loving anyone else, Miss Self-Imposed-Starvation."  
  
Nancy's eyes widened at those last words, and for a second Robin worried that it had been too dark a joke. But she laughed and shook her head, seemingly glad that they were destigmatizing the issue, at least between the two of them. "That's smart," she said. "You're smart. I'll do that, just... Not date anyone until I can get myself under control."  
  
Robin wondered to herself if she had ulterior motives behind that suggestion, if she just wanted Nancy to be single so that she could pretend to have a chance with her. No, she decided. She really did just want what was best for her friend, and Nancy did not need to be worrying about a relationship at that point in her life.  
  
They were quiet for a little bit, staring into the flames, when Robin finally looked to Nancy and spoke up. "Do you have marshmallows?" she asked. "You don't have to eat any, but it's not a fire if nobody roasts marshmallows."  
  
"I think we do," Nancy replied. "And probably chocolate, too. But I don't think we have graham crackers, so no s'mores."  
  
"Here's a secret for you, Wheeler," Robin said, leaning in conspiratorially. "S'mores are better with saltine crackers. Since you opened a new sleeve and only ate three, I know you have those."  
  
Nancy laughed. "I've never heard of using saltines," she said. "Makes sense though, the sweet and salty combination is popular. I'll have to try it sometime."  
  
"Well, like I said, I'm not going to force you to do anything," Robin replied. "But if you wanna try it tonight, I can promise you that you're not going to gain any weight off of two glasses of juice, three saltine crackers, and a s'more. Hell, you could even have dinner, too, and still probably be lighter in the morning." She didn't know if she was doing the right thing, validating Nancy's fears about her weight, but she hoped a little reasoning might get her to put something into her body.  
  
Nancy merely shrugged. "We'll see," she replied, in what Robin would have described as a cryptic manner. Either way, she got up and went into the house to get the food, leaving Robin alone to tend the fire. Soon, she came back with the marshmallows, chocolate, and crackers in hand. "Did you find sticks to put them on?"  
  
"Oh - no, was I supposed to?"  
  
"I mean, unless you want to stick your bare hand into the fire," Nancy laughed. Robin got out of her seat and helped her scour the yard for suitable sticks.  
  
Once they found a couple, they sat back at the fire and stuck the ends into the flames in an attempt to sterilize them, then Robin put a marshmallow on hers. Nancy sat back, just holding her stick and watching, until Robin spoke up. "If you wanna just roast one for fun, you're not, like, locked into eating it," she pointed out. "I'll eat it for you, if you want. Or, if you finish making it and you decide you want it, that's fine too."  
  
Nancy visibly relaxed and sat forwards, grabbing a marshmallow out of the bag and impaling it on the stick. "How do you like your marshmallows?" she questioned. "You strike me as the 'set-it-on-fire-and-blow-it-out' type."  
  
Robin couldn't help but laugh at that assessment. "Kinda," she agreed. "It's faster, I'll give you that. But really, I'll even eat a microwave s'more, so I'm not picky."  
  
"You can make s'mores in the microwave?" As she spoke, Nancy reached out her stick and held her marshmallow near the fire, keeping a close, perfectionist's eye on it.  
  
"Yeah, you just, like, set it up and stick it in there and then the marshmallow expands and the chocolate gets melty. It's pretty good, but nothing like a fire-roasted one."  
  
"Interesting."  
  
"You ever put Peeps in the microwave?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Peeps, like the marshmallow Easter candies. If you put them in the microwave, they get huge. My brother and I used to play this game where you stick a toothpick in each of them, then the first one to stab the other while they're expanding wins."  
  
Nancy chuckled at that. "I didn't know you had a brother," she commented. "Younger or older?"  
  
"Three years older."  
  
"What's his- Oh!" She pulled her marshmallow back as it caught on fire, swiftly blowing it out. "Shit, I was actually thinking of maybe eating that one."  
  
"Don't like them burned?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Well, if you still want one we can trade," Robin suggested, pulling her perfectly browned marshmallow away from the flames. "I don't mind them burned."  
  
Nancy seemed to think about that for a moment. "Yeah, sure," she replied finally. Robin stifled a grin. She didn't want to make a huge deal about it in fear of making her uncomfortable, but she was overjoyed by the prospect of Nancy eating without being forced. They each set up some crackers with chocolate, then took each other's marshmallows off the sticks.  
  
Holding her hand under her mouth to catch any crumbs, Nancy took a bite. "Mm," she mumbled. "It is better with saltines."  
  
"Told you," Robin replied, trying not to watch her eat. "Sweet and salty all the way."  
  
They spent the rest of the night tending the fire and talking about this, that, and everything in between. They were still out there when Nancy's parents came home, and remained there for some time after. Finally, they put out the fire and went into the house to get ready for bed. When Robin excused herself to the bathroom to change, she was relieved to come back to the bedroom to see that Nancy had already done the same. She wouldn't have to be tortured by watching her strip a second time, or hopefully ever again.   
  
Soon, they were laying in Nancy's bed, side by side, facing each other, and just talking like they had in front of the fire. Robin got on a rant about band, and Nancy was genuinely interested at first, but drifted off into sleep about halfway through. Robin didn't even notice at first, and talked for awhile longer before she realized that she wasn't responding. The realization that she was asleep drew a soft smile to her lips, and she let herself just watch her sleep for some time before drifting off herself.


	8. Chapter 8

When Robin woke in the morning, Nancy was at her desk, the morning sunlight filtering through the windows and highlighting her hair in a way that made Robin grin with endearment. At first, she couldn't tell what she was doing, but soon deciphered that she was replacing the empty frames that had previously held photos of her and Jonathan with different photos from a drawer. She noticed with a clenched heart that most of the new photos were just more of her and Barb.  
  
She got up and walked up beside her, doing her best not to startle her. "I bet you miss her a lot," she said softly, tentatively putting a hand on her shoulder.  
  
Nancy looked up at her touch, and Robin noted a shine in her eye, one that told that she was right on the verge of tears. "Yeah," she admitted. "Sorry, this is probably a bad time to do this. I just thought that I had time to kill while you were sleeping, and the frames were empty, so..."  
  
"It's alright," Robin assured her, giving her shoulder a little squeeze. "It must suck. I can't imagine that it gets any easier, even after all these years."  
  
Nancy avoided eye contact, looking at the ceiling to avoid letting tears fall. "It would be easier if it wasn't my fault," she rasped. "If I could look at her picture without feeling guilty..."  
  
Robin furrowed her brow. "Your fault?" Steve had filled her in on the circumstances of Barb's death, but hadn't mentioned it being Nancy's fault. "What do you mean?"  
  
"The night it took her," Nancy started to explain. "I was such a bad friend to her. I made her go to the party, I made her try to shotgun the beer that cut her hand, and I left her alone to go sleep with Steve." She let out a shaky breath. "If I had just listened to her, just once that night, she'd still be alive."  
  
Frowning, Robin moved her hand from her shoulder to her upper back. "I know I'm not the first person to say this," she said. "But it's not your fault. There was no way you could have known what was going to happen, and acting like a dumb teenager doesn't make you a murderer."  
  
Nancy nodded, but didn't seem to actually accept that. Instead, she just sighed. "It's too early in the morning for all this. You just woke up, I'm sorry."  
  
"It's cool," Robin assured her. "I know that this shit doesn't come up when it's convenient. I know it's not the same, but all that shit with the Russians... I think about it a lot, sometimes so much that I feel like I'm drowning in it. And it's not just when there's no one around; I think about it at work, when I'm hanging out with Steve, all the time. So yeah, I know that you can't pick and choose when to be affected."  
  
Nancy finally made eye contact with her, the shine in her eyes even more apparent. "Thanks," she said softly. There was a pause, a moment where it looked like she wanted to say or do something more, but she didn't, just remained silently staring up at her face.  
  
"No problem," Robin replied, equally as softly.  
  
There was another moment of silence, then Nancy spoke slowly. "Barbara and I were close," she explained. "I guess everyone knew that, but I think we were closer even than people knew." Again, it looked like there was something more she wanted to say, but she just couldn't get it out.  
  
"What do you mean?" Robin asked, trying to prompt out whatever she wanted to say.  
  
But she just shook her head. "I don't know."  
  
Seeing that she wasn't going to get anywhere, Robin just patted her back a couple of times, then broke physical contact. "Well, I want breakfast," she announced. "Is there any chance of me convincing you that you do, too?"  
  
Nancy pursed her lips and avoided eye contact. "Thinking about Barb has me feeling like shit," she said. "I don't think I could eat if I tried."  
  
Robin at least appreciated her honesty. "Like I said, I'm not going to force you into anything," she said. She knew that she had nearly forced her into eating eggs just days before, but now that she knew more about what was going on, she had decided to try a new tactic. "But it would put my mind at ease for the day if I saw you have, like, an actual meal."  
  
Nancy thought about that for a long time, her lips still tightly pressed together. Finally, she sighed and shook her head. "I can't," she said. "Maybe I'll be feeling up to it by lunch, but right now..."  
  
"Okay," Robin put her hands up in defeat. "Just thought I'd try. Will you at least join me while _I_ have breakfast?"  
  
Nancy nodded, and they went down the stairs. After Nancy listed off a few options from the refrigerator and cabinets, Robin decided on cereal and poured herself a bowl with milk. The two sat at the kitchen counter while she ate, but Robin could tell that Nancy was only physically present, her mind was elsewhere.  
  
"Where you at, Wheeler?" she questioned through a mouthful of Cheerios. "You're distant."  
  
Nancy shook her head and rolled her shoulders. "Sorry," she said, and she truly did seem apologetic. "I'm still stuck on Barb."  
  
Pursing her lips, Robin nodded. "Tell me about her," she suggested. "I knew her a little bit, but not like you did."  
  
Nancy glanced at her, trying to see if she seriously wanted to hear her talk about Barb, or if she was being nice. Evidently, she decided the request was serious, because she nodded and began. "She was always so kind. Always put me first, like that night at the party. She didn't want to go, but she didn't want me to go alone, so she came with anyways."  
  
"Why didn't she want to go?" Robin asked. It wasn't that unbelievable that a girl wouldn't want to go to a party - hell, Robin herself wasn't huge into parties. But she was still curious.  
  
"She was kind of... cautious," Nancy explained. "Especially about Steve. You know how he could be back in high school, she didn't fully trust him."  
  
"Yeah, Steve used to be a jerk," Robin agreed with a laugh. "Do you wanna know my theory?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"I think he's just easily influenced. Like I said, two brain cells. So when he was friends with those assholes, he was an asshole. But now that he's friends with cool people, like yours truly, he's actually kind of cool."  
  
Nancy nodded. "You could be right about that," she agreed. "But I don't think he's as dumb as you give him credit for. He's got... emotional intelligence."  
  
"Oh, I know," Robin replied quickly. "I just like to give him shit. I don't actually think he's an idiot."  
  
"Good," Nancy replied.  
  
Robin, now finished with her cereal, sat back a little bit. "You're a little protective of him," she observed. "Of Jonathan, too. You won't let me shit talk anyone."  
  
Nancy shrugged, perhaps realizing that for the first time herself. "I guess it's a habit now," she said. "I lost Barb because I was a bad friend to her, now I'm just more... careful with the people I care about."  
  
That was an interesting thought to Robin. It made sense, but it wasn't something she would have thought of herself. Maybe because she had never lost anyone like that. "Introspective," she commented. "That's a really smart thought. But I still think you're being to hard on yourself. You weren't a 'bad friend', you were just acting like a 16 year old, because that's what you were."  
  
Again, Nancy shrugged. "Maybe," she said quietly. Robin could tell that there was nothing she could say to get her to forgive herself. At least not in that moment. They were both quiet for a bit, then Nancy continued. "I always used to try to get her to grow her hair out," she commented. Robin wasn't exactly sure how that was related, but she listened anyways. "Her hair was so nice, such a great color, but she always kept it so short. She said it was more practical, easier to deal with, but I always thought she'd be so pretty with it long. Not that she wasn't pretty with it short, she was, but..." She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I was just worried about what people thought. Kids used to call her a 'dyke'."  
  
Robin couldn't help but cringe at that last word. "Is that really such a bad thing?" she asked, trying not to be too obvious. "Being thought of as gay?"  
  
"I don't think it's a bad thing," Nancy replied, shaking her head. "But people can be mean when they think you're different. I was worried that she'd get beat up or something."  
  
"Yeah, I guess that's a real concern," Robin replied, slightly absently. It was true, it wasn't always safe to be gay. Hell, that's why she wasn't out to most people. She might not have even come out to Steve if she hadn't been high on Russian truth serum. Still, it was nice to hear that Nancy didn't think it was a bad thing, or at least she said she didn't. Briefly, she wondered if she should say something, just tell her then and there. But the time didn't feel right, and part of her was still scared that she might immediately shut her out if she knew. So she remained silent.  
  
Eventually, Nancy got to her feet and took Robin's empty cereal bowl to the sink. Robin couldn't help but be anxious as she noted the way she swayed. "You sure you can't eat anything?" she asked gently. "You seem... unsteady, and I really don't want you to hit the floor again."  
  
Nancy looked back to her, and Robin put on her best pleading face - partially because she really was begging, partially just for comic relief. Nancy sighed and grabbed an orange from the fruit basket by the fridge. Robin nearly fist bumped the air, but somehow kept her composure. "Thank you," she said as Nancy began peeling the fruit. "That makes me feel much better."  
  
Nancy nodded and ate her orange quietly. Robin averted her gaze, remembering that she didn't like to be watched while she was eating. "When do you want me out of here?" she asked, venturing to glance at her. "I have work at noon, but I can leave earlier if you want."  
  
Nancy merely shrugged. "You can stay as long as you want," she said. "Or you can leave, if that's what you'd rather do."  
  
"I'll stay awhile longer, then," she said.  
  
"Cool," Nancy replied.  
  
Eventually, she finished eating her orange and the two went back up to Nancy's room, where they mostly sat on the bed and talked until Robin had to leave to get ready for work. At that point, Nancy walked her to the door and waved goodbye as she drove off.  
  
In the car, Robin thought back on all that had happened in the nearly 24 hours she had spent at the Wheeler house. From Nancy fainting, to the two of them finding out they were friends, to long conversations about Jonathan and Barb, it certainly felt like longer than a day. Still, she was looking forward to doing it again. The more she got to know Nancy, the more enthralled she became with her.  
  
If only she felt the same way.


	9. Chapter 9

Steve was on time to work, but Robin still beat him there. She sat behind the counter as he came in, raising her brow at him.  
  
"Hey," he greeted. "How were things with Nancy last night? She recover okay?"  
  
"Oh, things were interesting," Robin replied. "Wait until the store clears out a little and I'll fill you in." She hadn't decided exactly how much she was going to tell him, but she wasn't going to leave her best friend completely in the dark. "Yeah, she was okay by the time I left, though."  
  
Steve seemed interested, but didn't push for information. Instead, they both busied themselves with their job until the store was nearly empty. Then, Robin perched on the counter and leaned forward conspiratorially. "So, get this. It turns out that all this time I thought Wheeler didn't like me, she thought I didn't like her, either," she explained.  
  
"Wait, you thought Nancy didn't like you?"  
  
"I just assumed, since we never hung out without you."  
  
"Well I could have told you differently. She always asks about you when you're not around."  
  
That made Robin's heart leap. "Well, why didn't you say so, dingus?"  
  
"I dunno." Steve shrugged. "Didn't think it was worth mentioning. You never told me that you thought she didn't like you."  
  
"Well, anyways," she said, shaking her head. "We talked about that, and that got her to open up a bit and tell me about some of the stuff that's been bothering her."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
Robin paused for a second, wondering just how much she was allowed to tell Steve. She decided to be vague. "She's pretty messed up from everything that's happened, I think," she said. "Especially Barb. She feels like her death was her fault."  
  
"It wasn't, though."  
  
"I know, and I told her that. But I don't think she believed me. I'm worried that that guilt is just going to keep eating at her, I wish there was a way to get her to see that she couldn't have known what was going to happen."  
  
"Right." Steve paused for a second. "Did she mention the eating thing?"  
  
Robin was surprised, she hadn't known that Steve had recognized her eating as a problem. He always seemed so lax about it, so willing to let her skip meals. "She did," she said slowly. She didn't know if she wanted to reveal Nancy's struggles without her permission. Eventually, though, she decided to at least give him some information. "She admitted it was a problem, but she said she's not ready to deal with it yet."  
  
Steve frowned. "But she's gotten so thin," he commented. Again, Robin was surprised. She hadn't known that he had noticed. Nancy was right, he wasn't as dumb as she thought he was. "She's gonna start fucking up her body if she doesn't get her eating on track soon."  
  
Robin sighed. "I know, I know," she said. "I'm doing my best to help her. I got her to eat a s'more last night and an orange this morning, so that's a start, I guess? But I really want her to see a doctor, and I don't know how to convince her to go."  
  
"If passing out on the floor isn't enough to get her to realize that something's wrong, I don't know what is," Steve sighed. "She's tough, she probably thinks she can handle it. But I'm not sure she can."  
  
"Yeah, me neither." Robin suddenly felt dragged down, not shining nearly as brightly as she had been. "I don't know. I want to give her her independence and let her decide how to treat her own body, but I also really don't want her to die."  
  
"There's gotta be a compromise between force feeding her and letting her starve herself," Steve said. "We just need to find it."  
  
"Yeah," Robin sighed. She wished things didn't have to be so complicated. Actually, she wished she was with Nancy in that moment, coaxing her into eating something for lunch so she wouldn't have to worry about her skipping it. Not wanting to think about it anymore, she moved on. "She talked a bit about Barb's hair, too, which was a little weird. She said she wanted her to grow it out, but that she wouldn't. I feel like there was a deeper meaning there, but I haven't figured out what it was."  
  
Steve's brow creased. "I don't know what that could have been about," he admitted.  
  
"She also said that people used to call Barb a dyke."  
  
Steve cringed at that. "What'd you think of that?" he asked.  
  
"Nancy said that she didn't think being gay was a bad thing, but I don't know if she'd change her tune if I actually came out to her, so I kept quiet," she replied. "I don't know. Should I have told her?"  
  
"I don't know," Steve said, shrugging. "I think that's gotta be your decision, whatever you're comfortable with."  
  
"Ugh." Robin threw her head back. "I don't want it to be my decision." She stared at the ceiling for a second, then back at Steve. "Will you tell her?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Tell her I'm a lesbian and gauge her reaction, then say it was a joke if she reacts badly," Robin said, nearly pleading. "That way I could find out what she thinks without actually having to tell her."  
  
"Robin, I don't think that's-"  
  
"Please, Steve?" She never called him Steve, always Dingus or Harrington. The use of his first name meant that she was serious. "Seriously, I'd owe you my life."  
  
Steve sighed, sitting back in his seat. "Fine," he agreed. "I'll do it next time she and I hang out. But you owe me, 'kay, Buckley?"  
  
"For sure," Robin replied, relieved. "You're the greatest, Harrington, you know that?"  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
For the rest of the day, Robin was a mixture of excited and nervous. Coming out through a friend seemed like a safer option, but still incredibly scary. She just hoped Nancy wouldn't be turned off of hanging out with her once she knew.  
  
\----  
  
Hours later, back at the Wheeler house, Nancy was in her room, changing out of her comfy clothes and into athletic clothing. As she donned her shorts and tee shirt, she looked in her mirror, observing her own figure and allowing herself to pass judgement on it. She didn't see what Robin and Steve saw - a too-thin girl who needed to nourish herself. She just saw imperfections, a little bit of fat on the backs of her arms, a slight swell under her chin... Things that she could fix, with enough work. She had told Robin that it wasn't about beauty, and she stood by that. But, even if she wasn't trying to be beautiful, she was trying to be _thin._ And as long as she could see anything but bone, she wasn't thin enough.  
  
Changed into her clothes, she went down the stairs and through the living room before her mom stopped her. "Where are you headed dressed like that?" she asked, looking over her thin, bare legs and bony arms.  
  
"I'm just going for a jog," she replied, crossing her arms over her chest in discomfort. Her mom's gaze was appraising and judgmental, but opposite from her own. She didn't like it.  
  
"A jog?" Karen Wheeler replied. "Since when do you go running?"  
  
Nancy's face reddened slightly. "I started a while ago," she mumbled. "Just trying to get in shape."  
  
Karen didn't stop staring at her, but nodded. "Okay," she said. "Be safe, don't go into any bad neighborhoods." With that, she backed off, allowing Nancy to hurry out the door.  
  
Out in the warm summer air, she stretched and prepared herself for the ordeal ahead of her. Running was difficult for her, she really didn't have enough muscle to fuel such an activity, but she continued on anyways. It just made her feel better, made her feel like she was accomplishing something. Of course, it also brought up a lot of negative memories - feelings of being chased and the like - but she believed that the positives outweighed the negatives.  
  
Once she was finished stretching, she got moving, starting out at a slow jog and slowly picking up speed. She crossed blocks, becoming quickly fatigued, but pushing through it. Soon, however, a chocolate colored BMW pulled up beside her.  
  
"Hey Nance, chasing something?" Steve asked, leaning over as far as he could to be seen through the passenger side window. "Or is something chasing you?"  
  
She came to a stop, doubling over to catch her breath. "What do you want?" she asked between gasps.  
  
"Just saw you and wanted to stop and say hi," he replied. That said, he returned to a neutral, non-leaning position and opened the door getting out and walking around the car to come steady her. "Damn, Nance, looks like you were running hard. You good?"  
  
She nodded. "I'm fine," she assured him, waving him off so that she could straighten up. "Might have overdone it a little. But I'm okay."  
  
He led her to his car and opened the passenger side door before sitting her down on the seat. "Why don't you rest for a second?" he suggested. "You're looking kinda pale."  
  
She obeyed, but didn't look happy about it. "I'm not fragile," she insisted. "You and Robin keep treating me like I'm gonna keel over dead, but I'm not."  
  
"Promise?" Steve asked, kneeling down to her level. "Because I'm not positive I believe you. Robin told me that you're not eating, and that can kill a person."  
  
Nancy looked at him, her eyes fiery. "That was between me and Robin," she said darkly.  
  
"Yeah, well, it's not anymore," he said. "But I promise I only have good intentions. I wanna help you, same as Robin."  
  
She leaned her head back and closed her eyes in exasperation, only to find Steve desperately shaking her shoulder. "Oh my god," she snapped, blinking her eyes open. "Just because I close my eyes, it doesn't mean that I'm passing out." She shot him a look that caused him to shrink back a little. "I'd just appreciate if I wasn't getting so much unsolicited help."  
  
"I'm sorry, I just thought, since you were letting Robin in, maybe you'd let me help, too."  
  
Nancy sighed, shaking her head. "I know you're trying to be a good friend," she said softly. "But I'd really prefer if you just treated me normally. Not like I'm sick or breakable. That's how you can help."  
  
Steve blinked, looking at her. "Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to act like you were, like, not normal or whatever. I'll try to do better." He paused for a second. "Don't be mad at Robin for telling me, okay?"  
  
She pursed her lips. "I'm not mad at her," she sighed after a moment. "I don't know how I could be. I'm not really in the position to be pushing people away right now."  
  
Steve stopped for a second, wondering if that was the right time to reveal what Robin had wanted him to say. He just couldn't think of the right way to phrase it. Then, before he knew it, Nancy was getting up.  
  
"I'm gonna finish my run," she explained once on her feet. "I'll see you later, Steve." And with that, she was gone. Steve got back in his car and thought about following her, pulling her back into conversation so that he could tell her. But he decided to just let her be, she didn't seem like she was in the mood. It could wait.


	10. Chapter 10

Mid afternoon sunlight poured in through Robin's window, illuminating the room enough that she didn't even bother with the lamp as she read. She had been distracted since the day Nancy had first appeared at her window, and therefore was not as far in her book as she'd have liked to be by that point. She needed to finish it by the end of the summer in order to be able to do the homework that would be assigned once school started. But even in that moment, alone in her room, she felt her mind wandering away from the words on the page.  
  
Had Steve gotten a chance to talk to Nancy yet? Had he told her? How had she reacted? If she reacted badly, would she believe him when he said it was a joke? If he hadn't talked to her yet, what was she doing right at that moment? Was she thinking about Robin, too? How was she feeling? Had she eaten?  
  
She sighed and turned back a page, knowing that she hadn't absorbed a word of what she had just read. She just couldn't get her mind off of her. She wanted to call Steve, to see if they had talked yet. It was unlikely, since so little time had elapsed since she had asked him to, but maybe he would have gone over that morning?  
  
As if on cue, she heard the front door open and a familiar voice call out, "Honey, I'm home!" Given that her actual father would never enter so loudly, there was only one person it could be. She closed her book and exited her room, walked down the hall, and arrived in the living room to see Steve standing there with a goofy grin on his face.  
  
"You realize things like that are the reason our parents think we're dating, right dingus?" she pointed out as she approached.  
  
He shrugged. "Yeah, well, whatever," he said. "Hey, I ran into Nancy on my way home from work."  
  
Robin's chest tightened. "Yeah? Did you tell her?"  
  
"Nah, she was kinda pissy," he said, frowning slightly. "She was out running, so I think she was really exhausted."  
  
Now it was Robin's turn to frown. She didn't like hearing that Nancy was running, burning calories she hadn't eaten. And she _really_ didn't like hearing that she was running to the point of exhaustion. "What was she pissy about?" she asked warily.  
  
"I guess I was treating her like she was 'fragile'," he said, making air quotes with his fingers around the word 'fragile'. "She didn't love that you told me about her food issues, either. But she said she's not mad at you, I asked."  
  
_'She is fragile, though'_ Robin thought, but didn't say it out loud. Maybe she was wrong, but from her perspective, Nancy felt very breakable at that point, very much physically but also somewhat mentally. She quickly moved on from that thought, however, as she heard what Steve said next. "You weren't supposed to tell her I told you," she said, exasperated. "Shit, now's she's gonna be mad at me."  
  
"She said she wasn't, though."  
  
"Yeah, well, girls lie about stuff like that." She let out a frustrated breath. "I'll talk to her about it later, I guess. If she'll talk to me."  
  
"She said that she didn't wanna push people away right now, if that makes you feel any better," Steve offered.  
  
It did, a little bit. "I guess," Robin said. She was quiet for a moment, thinking about that, then decided to move on. "You hungry, Harrington?" she asked. "It'd be nice to cook for someone who actually wants it."  
  
Steve brightened. "I could eat," he said. "Whatcha making?"  
  
Robin shrugged. "BLTs?" she suggested.  
  
This earned an enthusiastic nod from Steve, so she went to the refrigerator to get out some bacon to fry. After putting it on, she went to chop some tomatoes, Steve watching dutifully. Soon, they had assembled sandwiches and were sitting at the kitchen island eating them.  
  
"So, other than all the Nancy drama, what else has been going on?"  
  
Robin thought about that for a moment, not really knowing how to answer. For the past few days, maybe longer, she had lived and breathed nothing but Nancy Wheeler. "Well, um..." She couldn't think of anything to say. "I don't know. Guess I've been mostly focused on Nancy."  
  
"And we're still pretending you're not in love with her, right?"  
  
Her face reddening, Robin stared down at her plate. "You keep saying that," she lamented. "I swear I'm not in love with her. We're just friends, and she's hurting right now so I need to give her more of my attention."  
  
"Uh huh. Why, on top of everything, have you decided that now's the time to come out to her, exactly?" Steve asked through a mouthful of sandwich.  
  
Robin pursed her lips. "I just think that if she's going to share her secrets with me, I should do the same for her," she said unconvincingly.  
  
"Alright, well. If you are in love with her, just know that I get it. I've been there. But if you aren't, that's great, makes things a lot simpler."  
  
"I'm not."  
  
"Whatever you say, Buckley. Hey, this sandwich is great, by the way."  
  
Robin marveled at how quickly he could move on from a topic that so consumed her. She still didn't know why she was lying to Steve - she was most definitely in love with Nancy - but maybe keeping it a secret just made it a little less real. And there was a part of her that didn't want it to be real. It would be so much easier if she _didn't_ love Nancy, if her feelings were as platonic as she was pretending they were.  
  
She pulled her mind away from her thoughts. "Yeah," she replied finally. "I love BLTs. Though I am judging you for using mayo; My BLTs are good enough to not need it."  
  
Steve wrinkled his nose at that. "The whole point of a BLT is to get mayo into your mouth," he argued. "Just like the whole point of fries is the ketchup."  
  
"I vehemently disagree on both fronts," Robin said passionately, but with a hint of laughter in her voice. They argued about that for awhile, and Robin found herself relaxing again. As much as she loved the topic of Nancy, it was nice to think of something other than her concerns about her for the moment.  
  
After lunch, the pair went outside and got in Steve's car, just to drive around for awhile. They talked about insane hypotheticals and sang along to the radio, and Robin started thinking of Nancy less and less. That is, until she saw her. She was out running again, and judging by the distance from her house, had been for some time. Her pace was slow and her posture sagging; She was obviously worn out, and that brought all of Robin's concerns right back to the surface. She rolled down her window.  
  
"Hey, Wheeler," she called out, trying to sound chipper. "Get in, we're going for a ride." Steve pulled the car over to give the girl a chance to obey. Nancy seemed uncertain at first, but Robin's silent prayers must have been heard, because she approached the car and opened the door to the backseat.  
  
"Where are we going?" she asked breathlessly as she pulled herself into her spot in the middle of the backseat, leaning heavily against the backrest.  
  
Steve shrugged. "Around," he said vaguely. "We've just been driving in circles and listening to the radio."  
  
Nancy considered that for a moment, and Robin secretly hoped that she wouldn't immediately get out of the car to do something more productive. Eventually, though, she nodded. "Cool," she said, her voice still laden with exhaustion. She lay her head back, and Steve and Robin exchanged a glance.  
  
"You good, Wheeler?" Robin asked tentatively, looking at her in the rearview mirror.  
  
"Yeah," she responded, but she did not pick her head up. "Just... really tired. I ran a lot."  
  
"Yeah, I can see that," Robin replied, still appraising her. "Do you want us to stop at a gas station and get you some Gatorade?"  
  
"Just water, please."  
  
Robin looked at Steve, who pulled back onto the road and started towards the nearest gas station. Then, she turned around in her seat to return her gaze to Nancy. "Gatorade will make you feel better faster," she explained. "Electrolytes and shit like that."  
  
Nancy wasn't in the mood to argue, apparently, because she quickly gave in. "Alright, Gatorade, then." She sighed and let her shoulders relax, looking at the ceiling. After a moment, she finally started to catch her breath and leaned forwards a bit. "What song is this?"  
  
"Papa Don't Preach," Steve replied. "Madonna."  
  
"I like it," Nancy replied, then leaned back again. Robin snorted at that, and soon they were locked in a friendly debate over the quality of Madonna's music. This lasted until they arrived at the gas station, where Steve got out and went to go fetch the drink. Once they were alone in the car, Robin turned back to Nancy again.  
  
"Hey," she started. "I don't wanna lecture you, but I do wanna tell you that running yourself to the point of exhaustion is just as bad as starving yourself, worse if you're doing both at the same time." She raised an eyebrow sternly.  
  
Nancy, avoiding eye contact, nodded. "I know," she replied quietly.  
  
"Okay, that's all I'm gonna say. Sorry to darken the mood." She returned to facing forwards until Steve returned, carrying not only the Gatorade, but a menagerie of other items. As he got back in the car, he passed the Gatorade and a little package of nuts back to Nancy, then showed his other snack options to Robin.  
  
"Take your pick, I'll eat whatever," he offered. Robin looked incredulous.  
  
"We just had lunch, dingus," she reminded him. He shrugged.  
  
"Then I'll eat it all, if you don't want anything."  
  
"No, no, give me the Fruit Roll-Up," she said, taking the snack and unwrapping it. Steve nodded, opening a little bag of Doritos for himself.  
  
In the backseat, Nancy opened her Gatorade and drank some of it down while Robin pretended not to watch. Once she had downed a good portion of the drink, she opened the bag of nuts, too, and took a few into her hand. Robin was a little surprised to see her eating without a fight, but she wasn't about to say anything and ruin it. They sat in the parking lot for a moment, each enjoying their snacks, until Steve finished his Doritos and wiped his hands on his pants.  
  
"Hey Robin," he started. "Don't you have to work today?"  
  
Alarm crossed her face. "Shit, I forgot. What time is it?" She looked at her watch. "Take me home, I can still get there on time."  
  
Steve nodded and pulled out of the parking lot, driving back towards Robin's house. "Nancy, I'll take you home after. Unless you were planning on running home." She looked thoughtful at that, causing him to quickly correct himself. "I was kidding. You've run plenty, let me drive you home."  
  
A couple of minutes later, they dropped Robin off, and Nancy moved to the front seat for the short ride home. Both were quiet at first, until Steve suddenly broke the silence.  
  
"Hey, so did you know that Robin's gay?"


	11. Chapter 11

"What?" Nancy's ears rang, and she wasn't sure if it was exhaustion from her run or the words she had just heard. "Are you kidding?"  
  
Steve paused, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel nervously. "That depends," he said. "What do you think?"  
  
Nancy leaned back against her seat, angling her head towards Steve so that she could search his face for clues. "I mean, that's fine if she is," she said slowly. "Of course it's fine. I'm just... confused."  
  
"Confused about what?"  
  
"Why are you telling me this?"  
  
Steve shrugged. "I don't know," he replied. "I guess, like, she might have... told me to."  
  
"Why wouldn't she just tell me herself?" Nancy was only growing more confused and suspicious that he might have been joking.  
  
"She was scared about how you might react, so she wanted me to break the news." By then, they had reached Nancy's house and were just sitting in the driveway. "She said that if you reacted badly, I should play it off as a joke. But you asked if it was a joke right away, so..."  
  
Nancy's eyebrows knit together. "Why would she be scared of how I would react?" she asked, sounding almost sad. "I told her I was cool with Barb being gay - er - if she was gay."  
  
Steve's eyes widened and he ran a hand through his hair. "Wait, was Barb gay?" he asked, hushed.  
  
Nancy silently swore at herself. She hadn't meant to out her best friend ever, not without her permission, and especially not after her death. She was just so exhausted, it had slipped out. "No - I mean - yeah. But don't tell anyone, because she didn't want anyone to know, especially not her parents. She was... really private about stuff like that."  
  
"Yeah, totally," Steve replied, his hand still in his hair. "But I think you should tell Robin, at the very least. Because it'd make her feel more comfortable to know that this isn't new to you."  
  
Nancy frowned. She didn't want to posthumously out Barb to anyone else, but Steve was right. Maybe it would be good for Robin to know that. "I don't know," she said quietly. "Maybe."  
  
They were both quiet for a little bit, then Nancy put her hand on the door handle. "I'll see you later, Steve," she said, though her voice was far away. "Thanks."  
  
"Thanks for what?"  
  
"I don't know. The ride, I guess." With that, she got out of the car and shut the door behind her. She walked up to the front door of the house and let herself in, only to be immediately accosted by her mother.  
  
"You and Steve were talking for an awful long time out there," she said, a hint of judgement in her tone.  
  
"Yeah?" Nancy replied, guarded. She wasn't feeling well; There was too much on her mind at once, and she was still fatigued from her run.  
  
Karen sighed, then asked point blank. "Are you two back together again?"  
  
Nancy was surprised by the question. Perhaps it had been obvious from the setup, but her brain was too foggy to have seen it coming. "No," she replied quickly. "God no, Steve and I are just friends."  
  
"Well, make sure he knows that," she warned, thoroughly annoying her. Of course Steve knew they were just friends, she didn't need to be told that, she wasn't an idiot.  
  
"He knows. Why are you asking about my relationships, anyways? I'm an adult now, I can handle myself."  
  
"You're still my daughter, and you're still living in my house," Karen said, her tone implying a certain warning.  
  
Wanting to withdraw from the conversation before it turned into a fight she couldn't handle, Nancy turned and headed for the stairs, mumbling under her breath as she went. "Maybe I'll just move out then."  
  
"What did you just say?"  
  
Nancy didn't reply, just continued her way up the stairs and to her room. She didn't slam the door; She really wasn't that upset, just exhausted and not in the mood for her mother to be prying into her social life. Heading for the bed, she let her thoughts move from her mother to her conversation with Steve. She was mostly done processing what she had learned about Robin, but she was still thinking of Barb. Barb with the pretty dark red hair and freckles and, God, the collared shirts. She had meant everything to Nancy - she still did - and she had betrayed the one secret she had been asked to keep.  
  
Worse, she had only betrayed one half of the secret.  
  
She got up from her bed and went to her desk, now almost entirely covered in pictures of Barb - aside from the single one of Steve. Picking one up, she gazed at it. It was of the two of them at the beach, each wearing sunglasses, both laughing. The picture was cut off at their waists, but Nancy remembered the moment it was taken, their hands entwined beneath where the camera could see. If anyone had asked, they'd have just said they were really close friends, but that was a lie.  
  
Nancy put the picture down and started back towards her bed. She had loved Barbara as a friend, but far more than that, too. And Barb had loved her. But they had kept it a secret between the two of them, because Barb didn't want to be kicked out of her house, and Nancy didn't want the social backlash. So they had never kissed in the light, never put a name to what they were. And then Steve Harrington came along, and Nancy had been enticed by the prospect of something that didn't have to be stifled in public. Barb had been sad, of course, but she had cared about Nancy's feelings more than her own. That's what made memories of her so difficult - she had been a better friend to Nancy than Nancy had ever been to her, and now she would never have the chance to make it up to her.  
  
She wished she could go back. She wished she could have kissed her in public and been jeered at, because she didn't care about the social ramifications anymore, and maybe if she had been with her _girlfriend_ instead of Steve, Barb would still be alive.  
  
As she lay back down on her bed, her thoughts wandered back to Robin. Robin, who also had pretty hair and freckles. Robin, who comforted her when she was crying over Jonathan, and who had been the first person who cared enough to confront her about her eating. Robin, who made her feel just a little less broken when they were together.  
  
She wanted to call her, to tell her that she would always accept her, to ask her if she would accept her in return, but she stopped herself from reaching for the phone. She was at work, she couldn't talk at that moment. And even if she could, was Nancy really ready to out herself for the first time since she had been with Barb?  
  
There were certain feelings she had towards Robin, she couldn't deny that. Feelings that had caused her to go straight to her house after breaking up with Jonathan, that caused her to ask to see her again, and that had allowed her to be open enough with her to share the extent of her issues for the first time. But she doubted that Robin felt the same way about her. Hell, they were only just becoming real friends, they didn't even know each other that well.  
  
And even if Robin did feel the same way about her, was she even ready to be with another girl, or anyone for that matter? She had only just gotten out of a relationship with Jonathan, and before that she had been with Steve, and before that, Barb. She hadn't been single in a very long time, and maybe Robin had been right when they talked around the fire. Maybe it was in her best interest to just focus on herself for awhile.  
  
And there was so much to focus on. She had eaten the nuts offered in the car only because she hadn't eaten anything else that day, and could therefore spare the calories. The previous day, she'd eaten the orange at breakfast, then had a small dinner with her family. The day before that, it had been only the crackers and the s'more. She knew she was slowly killing herself, but she was just too exhausted to care. Maybe she deserved it, after what had happened to Barb.  
  
As she thought, the fog in her brain grew denser, and she slowly began to lapse into sleep. She drifted in and out for the next few hours, fitfully when her eyes were closed and disoriented when they were open. Eventually, she was woken completely by the sound of her mother's voice calling from downstairs.  
  
"Nancy, Mike, dinner!"  
  
She sighed and got to her feet, going to the mirror to straighten out her hair before heading downstairs. Dinner with the family wasn't easy, but she could manage it that night. Hopefully.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: this chapter contains a moment of self harm

The next morning, Robin awoke to a ringing phone. Hair a mess and eyes half closed, she reached for the device and put it to her ear. "Hello?" she mumbled, a slight rasp in her voice.  
  
"Buckley? It's Steve."  
  
At first, Robin didn't realize the implications of him calling her so early in the morning. She was about to tell him off and go back to bed, when she remembered the task she had given him. He had been alone with Nancy after dropping her off, had he told her?  
  
Steve took her silence as an invitation to continue. "I talked to Nancy," he said. Her heartrate increased tenfold. "About... you know. She was cool, she said she wasn't bothered by it. But I think you should talk to her yourself."  
  
"Yeah, I will," Robin said, almost mumbling. She was distracted, but in a good way. Nancy had reacted well, they could still be friends. That was good, that was so _good._ She could have hung up the phone and started jumping on the bed, but she contained herself. "Thanks so much, Harrington," she said instead. "Did she say anything else?"  
  
On the other end of the phone, Steve paused. "Like I said, I think you should talk to her yourself," he repeated after a second.  
  
Hearing it again got it into Robin's head, and her excitement turned to nervousness. "Why?" she demanded. "Did she say something bad?"  
  
"No, no," Steve assured her. "Nothing bad. Just something interesting that I think you should hear from her."  
  
What did that even mean? She needed to talk to Nancy immediately. "Thanks again, Steve," she said quickly, not even noticing that she had used his first name. "Talk to you later." With that, she hung up the phone, then picked it up again, dialing Nancy's number. The phone rang a few times, then a woman's voice answered.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Robin put on her best polite voice. "Hello, Mrs. Wheeler, is Nancy there?"  
  
"She just left. Can I ask who's calling?"  
  
"It's Robin Buckley. Can you have her call me when she gets back?"  
  
"Of course." They said their goodbyes, then Robin sat back on the bed, letting out a frustrated sigh. Where had Nancy gone so early in the morning? Hopefully she wasn't out running again.  
  
Actually, now that she thought about it, she was worried that that was exactly what she was doing. She hated that Nancy abused her body like that, forcing herself to burn calories that she had no intention of replacing. And with her history, there was a real risk of someone finding her collapsed in a ditch if she kept it up. Desperately not wanting that to happen, Robin got up and went to go get dressed. She'd just drive around Nancy's neighborhood quickly, make sure she was okay, then, if she wasn't out there, she'd leave her alone and just wait for her to call.  
  
She was just heading down the hall, however, when there was a knock at the door. "Coming!" she called, picking up her pace. When she opened the door, she was surprised to see Nancy standing there, not out of breath, dressed in a bright yellow-striped sundress rather than athletic clothes. Her car was in the driveway, and Robin was relieved to realize that she had not been out running, she had been driving to see her.  
  
"Hey," Nancy greeted. She seemed almost nervous, a little drawn into herself.  
  
"Hey," Robin replied, a mix of curiosity and caution in her voice.  
  
Nancy paused for a second, looking just over Robin's shoulder, into the house. "Can I come in?" she asked finally.  
  
Robin opened the door a little wider to allow Nancy to come in, then the two went into the living room and to the couch. "Steve told me he talked to you," Robin offered, deciding not to make Nancy say it.  
  
"Yeah, he did," she replied as she sat down. Her next words seemed practiced, like she had rehearsed them. "I just wanted you to know that it's okay. I know that some people can be... judgmental about stuff like this, but I'm not. Actually, I..." Her voice choked, and she stopped. Robin almost yelled at her to keep going, desperately wanting to know what she had to say, but she held herself back and just waited.  
  
Finally, Nancy continued. "Barb was gay," she said, a little hesitantly. "She didn't want me to tell anyone, but... Steve said it would make you feel better to know."  
  
Robin's eyes widened. She had had her suspicions about Nancy's friend - she liked to think she had pretty good 'gaydar', as a gay woman herself - but she had never expected to have those suspicions confirmed after her death. Not that it had ever really mattered to her back then, but it seemed like a huge deal in that moment. Steve was right, it did make her feel better to know that she wasn't Nancy's first gay friend, that she was used to the idea and could keep it a secret for safety purposes.  
  
She realized that they hadn't been speaking for some time, but Nancy broke the silence. "She was terrified of people finding out," she said. "Her parents would have kicked her out if they knew."  
  
Robin nodded. "You're a good friend for not telling anyone for so long, then," she offered. She thought it was a compliment, but as soon as the words left her lips, tears formed in Nancy's eyes.  
  
"I wasn't, though," she said, her voice filled to the brim with remorse.  
  
"Nance, we've been over this, you were just-"  
  
"Not that," Nancy cut in, shaking her head. The movement caused some of the moisture that had gathered in her eyes to finally fall, leaving a streak down her cheek. Robin wanted to ask what else she could have meant, but she held herself back, letting her compose herself first. Meanwhile, Nancy worked her jaw, apparently trying to decide exactly what to say. Eventually, she let out a shaky breath and blinked to allow more tears to fall.  
  
"She loved me. We- we loved each other. But I left her."  
  
Robin was dumbfounded. Did Nancy really mean what she had just said? If she had been in love with Barb, that changed everything. It meant... She pulled her mind off of what it meant. It wasn't the time to be thinking of her own feelings towards Nancy, not while she was obviously suffering. "What do you mean 'you left her'?"  
  
"We were together, kind of," Nancy admitted with a sniffle. "But I didn't want to have to hide my relationship anymore, so when Steve started showing interest, I left her for someone I could be in public with. And she ended up dead because of it." Her whole body was shaking by then, and Robin realized that it must have been the first time she had ever admitted out loud to being with Barb. From the looks of it, saying it wasn't bringing her any peace. She reached out to touch her friend's back, but as soon as she made contact, Nancy's closed fist shot up and she struck herself in the side of the head. Startled, Robin quickly grabbed her wrists and pinned her hands down before she could do it again.  
  
"Why'd you do that?" she asked, her voice high pitched with worry and fear.  
  
Nancy trembled, her eyes glassy and her gaze distant. "I deserve it," she sobbed. "I deserve to hurt. I killed Barb."  
  
"You didn't!" Robin found herself swept up in the emotion of the moment. Keeping Nancy's wrists pinned with one hand, she wrapped her free arm around her and pulled her close. Nancy didn't put up a fight, just leaned to the side so that she was laying across Robin's lap, still sobbing.  
  
Hoping she wasn't going to try to hurt herself again, Robin released her hands and gently parted her hair where she had struck herself. The skin beneath her hair was reddened, and she flinched slightly when Robin brushed it with her fingers. "That's going to leave a bruise," Robin assessed. "Shit, Nancy."  
  
"I'm sorry," Nancy gasped between sobs. "I just... can't take it anymore. I miss her so much."  
  
"I know you do," Robin soothed. Absently, she wondered how they had gotten there; Beautiful, strong Nancy Wheeler was breaking down in her arms. It made no sense, but there was nothing to be done about it. She'd just have to keep her safe from herself until she was back to her senses. She removed her hands from her hair and placed one on her back, rubbing soothing circles over her ribcage as she cried it out.  
  
They were there for a long time, but slowly, Nancy started to come down from her emotional high. Her sobs turned to sniffles, and her body stopped shaking until she was just laying there, breathing softly. Robin thought she might have fallen asleep, exhausted from her outburst, but she proved her wrong by speaking.  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered, for the second time. "I just get so caught up..."  
  
"It's okay," Robin assured her. "I get it. You've been through a lot."  
  
"I don't deserve your kindness."  
  
"You've gotta stop saying stuff like that," Her tone was pleading. "I wish you could see how much you do deserve."  
  
Nancy didn't reply to that, just shook her head. There was another long silence, then she slowly, painstakingly sat up. "I should go home," she said quietly. "I'm sorry that you had to see me like that."  
  
Robin frowned. "I kinda don't wanna let you be alone right now," she worried aloud. "Can you just stay here for a little bit? Just so I know you're safe?"  
  
Nancy hesitated, but nodded. "Okay," she said softly. "Is it okay if I just take a nap, though?"  
  
"Yeah, you must have worn yourself out," Robin said, nodding. Actually, she could have used a nap herself, despite how recently she had gotten up. Strong emotions were draining. "I don't suppose I can convince you to eat anything before I let you rest, can I?"  
  
Nancy shook her head and Robin immediately backed off. "Okay," she said. "Let's go to my room. That way when my parents get up they won't wake you." She received a nod as an answer, then helped her to her feet before leading her down the hallway to the bedroom. For the third time, Nancy Wheeler laid down on her bed, this time curling herself into a little ball before drifting into a fitful slumber.  
  
Robin lay down beside her, but she was slower to sleep. She couldn't stop replaying the scene in her mind, the look in Nancy's eyes as she struck herself. It was such a horrible moment, but it had shown Robin exactly how Nancy was feeling. She had felt self loathing before, but never to the degree which Nancy was experiencing it. Never to the point of physically hurting herself.  
  
She rolled onto her side, gazing at the back of Nancy's head. She had known that things were bad, but she couldn't have guessed just how bad they were.


	13. Chapter 13

Robin awoke a couple hours later, but found that Nancy was still sleeping. At some point, the smaller girl had stretched out a little bit, out of her defensive curl and a little more relaxed. She seemed to be doing a little better than she had been earlier that morning, at least as far as Robin could tell. There was no more trembling, and the tears had dried from her face. Perhaps it was just because she was asleep, but Robin hoped that she truly was feeling better. She hated to see her hurting.  
  
Carefully, she scooted over closer to her and looked at the spot just above her ear. The area where she had hit herself was still red, and she wondered absently how long it would take to turn dark. God, she wished she hadn't done that. It wasn't like she hadn't known that Nancy was troubled, but this seemed so much more active and immediate than anything else she was doing to hurt herself. Though, it probably wasn't as damaging as the self starvation, she reasoned to herself.  
  
She was still leaned in, looking at her head, when Nancy rolled over onto her back and blinked her eyes open to find that their noses were nearly touching. Robin pulled back, embarrassed.  
  
"Hey?" Nancy said, her tone indicating a question.  
  
"Sorry," Robin said quickly. "I was just checking..." She touched the side of her own head to indicate what she meant.  
  
"Oh." Nancy's tone was dark as she remembered what had happened. "Yeah, sorry. I shouldn't have done that."  
  
"I mean, you're right, you shouldn't have, but I'm not sure you were totally in control," Robin reasoned. "You were pretty much panicking."  
  
Nancy's lips pursed together. "I guess," she replied. "Sorry for that, too. Freaking out that is. I just... I had never said some of those things out loud before, and it brought up so many emotions."  
  
Robin nodded. "I get that," she said. "I mean, I've never lost a secret girlfriend to an inter-dimensional monster before, but..." Startled by hearing it put so bluntly, Nancy stifled a noise in her throat. Robin shifted in her seat. "Sorry."  
  
"No, it's okay." Nancy shook her head. "I'm just not used to talking about what really happened. I only just got used to talking about the cover story."  
  
Robin frowned a bit. After a couple moments of silence, she ventured to ask, "You gonna be okay?"  
  
"As okay as I've ever been." Nancy offered a weak smile at that.  
  
"I guess that's all I can ask for, for now." Robin paused. "It's about 10 now, can I interest you in breakfast yet?" Nancy shrugged, but the tightness in her lips hinted at a 'no'. Robin sighed. "Please?"  
  
Nancy looked uncomfortable, but Robin held her gaze, as much as it hurt to do so. Finally, Nancy let out a breath and nodded. "Fine. Sure. Do you still have any of that yogurt in your fridge?"  
  
Robin grinned widely. "Yeah," she said, relieved. "I do." She led her to the kitchen and got out the tub of yogurt, spooning some into a bowl for each of them. Setting one of the bowls in front of Nancy, she caught her gaze. "Thank you," she said.  
  
"For what?" Nancy asked, breaking eye contact to look into the bowl.  
  
Robin gestured vaguely towards her. "It makes me feel a lot better to see you eat," she explained. "So thanks for humoring me."  
  
Nancy gave a tight-lipped smile, looking down. "Sorry I don't humor you more often, then" she said softly. As Robin handed her a spoon, she stirred it around in the bowl thoughtfully. Fighting the urge to watch her, Robin looked into her own bowl and took a spoonful into her mouth. It was just plain vanilla yogurt, and she thought to herself that it could have been improved with some granola or berries. She would have gotten up to get some, but she wasn't sure she even had any. She looked to Nancy to lament this fact, only to find that she was still just spooning her yogurt around and had yet to actually take a bite.  
  
"Hey," Robin said, trying to be soft. "You good?"  
  
Nancy looked up, as if broken from a trance. "Oh," she started. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just thinking."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"I don't know. A lot." Nancy's shoulders raised in a shrug and she avoided eye contact. Robin narrowed her eyes briefly, wondering if she should push further. Eventually, she decided to just let her be; She didn't want to cause anymore drama that morning.  
  
"Well, I'd stop that if I were you, Wheeler," she said lightly. "Thinking, that is. Seems dangerous."  
  
Success. Nancy chuckled a little bit and shook her head as she finally raised a spoonful of yogurt out of her bowl and to her lips. "I'll try," she replied. "It's hard though, it feels like my brain is always spinning."  
  
"I get that," Robin replied. They lapsed into silence, each eating their yogurt at their own pace. Robin tried not to watch Nancy eat, but did occasionally steal glances out of the corner of her eye. She wondered if she would finish the bowl, or leave it half eaten like she had so many other things since they had started hanging out.  
  
After a while of quiet, Nancy spoke up, changing the topic of discussion. "That book you're reading," she started. "The Italian one. Do you just, like, read in Italian for the fun of it?"  
  
"Sometimes," Robin replied, shrugging. "But that one's for a class."  
  
Nancy was confused. "But didn't you just graduate?" she asked, brow slightly furrowed.  
  
"It's for college." Robin was about to take another bite of yogurt, but she suddenly felt the mood shift. Anxiety was practically radiating off of Nancy's body, and she couldn't fathom why.  
  
"You're going to college?" Nancy asked, putting her spoon down.  
  
Now it was Robin's turn to furrow her brow. "Yeah, in August," she explained. "Indiana University East in Richmond. I'm gonna major in music, but I'm taking a couple foreign language classes, too."  
  
"You're going all the way to Richmond," Nancy repeated. "That's far away."  
  
"Not that far," Robin argued. "Still in Indiana." She paused, trying to decipher exactly what was getting her friend worked up again. Eventually, she remembered what she had said the night she had come over after breaking up with Jonathan.  
  
'You're the closest thing I have to a female friend.'  
  
In the short period of time since then, they had become closer, and she realized that Nancy had begun to rely on her a little bit. She must have scared of losing one of her only remaining friends.  
  
"Hey," Robin said, her voice gentle. "We still have a month left to hang out, and I'll come back and visit sometimes even once the semester's started."  
  
"Okay," was all Nancy said in response. Robin felt weighed down. She knew she couldn't just skip going to college, not when she was already all set to go. Not even for a girl. But she also knew that Nancy needed her, in a way, and that was going to make it hard to part from her. Suddenly, she got an idea, but she wasn't sure how she was going to respond to it.  
  
"Have you ever thought of going to college?" she asked, tipping her head slightly. "You're more than smart enough."  
  
Nancy shrugged. "That used to be the plan," she said distantly. "I was going to go to NYU with Jonathan once he saved up enough money. Guess that's not happening."  
  
"Are you going to go somewhere else, then?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Nancy let out a deep sigh. "I don't wanna leave Hawkins," she admitted. "I feel like the second I leave, shit's going to go down again."  
  
Robin frowned. Not for the first time, she tried to imagine how Nancy felt. Three years of fighting against the Upside Down. Having something like that repeat three years in a row... No wonder she was preparing for it to happen again. "It's not going to happen again," she offered, though she knew she couldn't promise that. "And even if it does... It's not your responsibility. You're allowed to live a normal life."  
  
"I don't know," Nancy repeated, unconvinced.  
  
"If Joyce, Jonathan, Will, and even El can leave Hawkins, so can you," Robin insisted. "You can't put the whole world on your shoulders, Nance. Come to IUE with me. You'll definitely get in, and maybe you'll feel better once you're away from this place."  
  
Nancy put her head back, and Robin felt a flutter of anxiety in her stomach. She had just invited the girl she liked to leave town with her. That was bold. It seemed like her response was taking forever to come, and she wanted to just run away before she could say no.  
  
"Maybe," Nancy replied finally. "I don't know. I'll think about it."  
  
That was as good an answer as Robin could have hoped for. "Okay," she replied, nodding, then looked at their bowls. Hers was empty by then, but Nancy's was still half full. "Are you finished?" she asked, nodding to it.  
  
"Yeah," Nancy replied, a little self consciously. Robin thought about imploring her to have just another couple bites, but decided that she had already asked enough of her. So, she just took both bowls to the sink without making an argument of it. As she was rinsing them, Nancy suddenly spoke up again.  
  
"I think I'm gonna head home," she announced. "Thanks for everything, Robin. I'll see you again soon, okay?"  
  
Robin was a little surprised, but she supposed she shouldn't be. Nancy was on her way to becoming queen of sudden departures. "Is anyone else at your house?" she asked, still not totally comfortable with the idea of Nancy being alone that day.  
  
"My mom. And Mike."  
  
"Alright, then. Drive safe, okay?"  
  
Nancy nodded and got to her feet, then headed out the door. Robin watched her go, then went back to her room to get some more reading done. As she opened the book, she absently hoped that Nancy would decide to at least apply to college. It would be fun to have a friend there and, what's more, it would allow her to keep an eye on her to make sure she wasn't spiraling alone. Because, as she had quickly learned, that girl could spiral _fast._  
  
Slowly, she stopped thinking about it, and settled into her book. Hopefully she'd have an answer soon.


	14. Chapter 14

That night, Nancy sat at the dinner table with her family, pushing casserole around on her plate and spreading it out to make it look more eaten than it was. It was a tactic she used often, sometimes to an end result of being scolded for 'playing with her food', but rarely did her family catch on that she wasn't actually eating. Mike was talking about something nerdy, she was sure, but she wasn't actually listening hard enough to know exactly what he was saying. She felt bad about that, actually. She and Mike had grown a little closer since their respective significant others had moved away, but then had grown apart again. It made sense that they wouldn't hang out with each other, really. She was four years older, and he had other friends to fill his time.  
  
She pulled her thoughts away from her brother and tried to get herself back on task. She had one goal for this dinner, and it wasn't related to the food or Mike. She waited for a lull in the conversation and then spoke up.  
  
"So, I've been thinking about college," she said as casually as she could muster.  
  
Her mother glanced at her, brow raised. "Oh?" she questioned. Nancy had told her parents that she wasn't going to go after she and Jonathan broke up, and Karen hadn't been ecstatic about it. She had lectured Nancy about wasting her intelligence and about having too much free time, since she wasn't working. But now that Nancy was bringing it up again, there was hope in her eyes.  
  
"Yeah," Nancy continued. "I might go to IUE. I don't know, I haven't decided yet."  
  
"Well, you've got time," Ted chimed in with a mouth full of casserole. "Spring semester doesn't start until January."  
  
"I was thinking of going for fall semester," Nancy corrected, looking down at her plate.  
  
Karen's eyes widened. "Well, that doesn't give you a lot of time to apply," she said, her voice a little high pitched. "Are they even still accepting applications?"  
  
Nancy shrugged. "I think so," she said. "With my transcript, I'm sure I'll get in. I don't know. It's just an idea."  
  
"What's the rush?" Ted asked. "It'd be much easier to get ready for spring semester."  
  
Nancy didn't know how to respond to that. She didn't want to say that she was pretty much only going to stay near Robin, a girl who she had only become real friends with days ago, but had wanted to be close to for much longer. "Everyone starts fall semester," she said after a moment. "I just wanna be on the same schedule as everyone else."  
  
"Most people go their first year after high school, so you're already a year behind schedule," Karen pointed out. "What's another semester on top of that?"  
  
"I don't know," Nancy mumbled. She was beginning to feel overwhelmed with the conversation, and part of her wished she hadn't brought it up.  
  
Mike must have caught onto her discomfort, because he spoke up. "I'd wanna go fall semester, too," he agreed with her. "That way you're getting the feel for the school year alongside everyone else, right?"  
  
Nancy looked at him thankfully, glad to be no longer outnumbered. Absently, she thought to herself about how she needed to appreciate her brother more. "Right," she said simply, motioning to him.  
  
Karen sighed. "Well, you're an adult now, so I suppose it's up to you. I just worry about you taking on too much too fast."  
  
Ignoring the second sentence, Nancy sat back, relieved. She still didn't know if she even wanted to go, but if she was going, it would be fall semester, she was sure about that. Dinner continued on uneventfully. She ate a few bites here and there to convince her parents that nothing was wrong, as well as to stave off the hunger pangs that often haunted her through the nights. Not that it would be enough, it never was. She had just learned to sleep through it, for the most part.  
  
Once everyone had finished eating and the table was cleared, Nancy wandered off to her room. Her head ached vaguely, but she supposed that was her own fault. Absently, she touched the spot just above her ear, flinching just slightly. Robin was right, it was definitely going to bruise. Luckily, the dark spot would be hidden by her hair, so hopefully her family wouldn't notice. Actually, they definitely wouldn't notice. If they hadn't noticed Mike hiding El in the basement or any of the other weird shit that had gone on over the years, certainly they were too oblivious to notice a little bruise.  
  
She settled down and started racking her brain for activities to pass the time until bedtime. She could read, but she didn't feel like focusing that hard on anything, not after the day she'd had. She could call Steve or, better, Robin, but she didn't want to bother either of them if they were busy. She could go for another run...  
  
It was tempting, the idea of running. It would help relieve the stress of the day, and burn off the few calories she had consumed at the same time. But she knew how Robin and Steve felt about her participating in that activity; They didn't need to tell her for her to see the worry in their eyes every time they discovered what she was doing. She felt like she was already disappointing them so much with her inability to take care of herself, she didn't want to upset them even further.  
  
But the longer she sat there, the stronger the urge to get moving became. Finally giving in, she got up from her bed and stripped off her house clothes, avoiding looking at herself in the mirror as she passed it to get her running clothes. She couldn't help it, though, she doubled back and stared for a moment. The self loathing she felt looking at herself only strengthened her resolve to get outside and run off as much of herself as she could, and she tore her gaze away with a disgusted look on her face. When she pulled on her running shorts, however, she found that they were loose, and that made her feel a little better. At least she was getting somewhere.  
  
Tying off a section of the shorts with a hairband to make them tighter, she put on a sports bra and an old t shirt, then went back downstairs, passing her parents in the living room on her way out the front door. Trying to avoid conversation, she kept her gaze straight, but her mother called out to her, anyways.  
  
"Don't stay out too long," she requested. "I don't want you running after dark."  
  
Nancy just gave her a thumbs up, then went out the door. She stretched in the yard, as usual, then started slowly. All usual. Just as usual was the ache in her legs, the tightness in her chest, and the fog in her brain. She felt like death, but she kept going. Absently, she questioned why she liked the activity so much if it made her feel so horrible. More consciously, she acknowledged that it was probably the pain that she liked, in a way. Though her breath came in gasps, she made it to the end of Maple Street without incident, then turned back and ran back to the house. On most days, she'd go farther, but her body felt even weaker than normal and even she realized that there were going to be consequences if she didn't stop.  
  
When she entered the house, she found that her parents were still in the living room, and she put on her well-practiced 'I'm fine' face to greet them. Her mother, apparently not quite as oblivious as she thought, didn't buy it for a second.  
  
"Nancy, dear, come sit down," she instructed, her brow furrowed. "You look like hell."  
  
Nancy hesitated. She really just wanted to go to her room and lay down there, but her mother was fussing and she wanted to show her that she was alright. So, after a moment, she went and sat on the couch, leaning back against the cushions and silently marveling at just how much better she felt not having to support her own weight.  
  
She hoped that would be the end of it, that she could just sit for a minute and then go upstairs, but her mother stood in front of her with her arms folded.  
  
"I think we need to have a talk."  
  
Those were the worst words Nancy could have heard, and she immediately glanced around the room for an escape. No such luck. She decided that her best option was just to play dumb.  
  
"About what?"  
  
Karen sighed. "You go out on these runs and you come back half dead," she said worriedly. "I really think you should take it easy on yourself. You're going to end up as nothing but skin and bones, the way you're going."  
  
Nancy merely shrugged, knowing she couldn't tell her mother that that's what she wanted. "Sorry, mom, I'll be more careful," she said after a moment. She wouldn't, but she'd be better at hiding it. "Can I go now?"  
  
Karen's eyes flashed with an emotion Nancy couldn't quite place, but she eventually let out a breath and waved her off. "Go on," she said. As Nancy got to her feet and turned her back to go up the stairs, however, she could hear her turn and talk to Ted.  
  
"I'm worried about her."  
  
Pretending she hadn't heard that, Nancy returned to her room and shut the door behind her before flopping onto her bed. She felt ill, and not from the overexertion. She knew Robin was worried, Steve was worried, and now her family. She wished they wouldn't be. She didn't want people to worry about her, or even really think about her. She just wanted to be left alone to self destruct.  
  
Sighing, she settled into her pillows and began waiting for her heart to slow again. She reached to her bedside table and grabbed a magazine, flipping through it aimlessly without really looking at the pictures, and certainly without reading any of the words. She wondered if Robin was reading her book. Her _Italian_ book, because she spoke Italian, and two other foreign languages, which was a fact that Nancy still couldn't wrap her head around. She wondered if she should sign up for Italian class if she ended up going to college with Robin, just to be sure they had a class together. It occurred to her that that wouldn't work, Robin was probably in an advanced class if she was already reading entire books in the language, and Nancy would need the absolute beginner's course. Back to the drawing board on that one.  
  
She spent the rest of the night like that, absently flipping through a magazine while her mind was elsewhere, mostly on Robin, until, still clad in her athletic clothes, she eventually fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Robin started work early in the morning the next day, Steve alongside her. They weren't always scheduled together, but it happened more often than not, much to their relief. Work was far more bearable together. They were the first shift of the day, so they split up and started their opening chores. Once done, Steve flipped the 'Closed' sign to 'Open' and the two of them took their seats behind the counter to just wait.  
  
"So," Steve said, leaning onto his elbows on the counter. "Did you talk to Nancy?" It seemed that all of their conversations had become about the girl, but Robin certainly didn't mind. Most of her thoughts had become about her, too. She just hoped Steve didn't mind the repetitive topic.  
  
"Yeah, we talked," she confirmed. "It was... intense."  
  
"So she told you about Barb?"  
  
"Yeah," she replied, wondering just how much he knew. She knew that he knew Barb was gay, but had Nancy mentioned their relationship to him? It had really felt like the first time she had ever said it when she brought it up to her, and she couldn't imagine Nancy letting Steve know that he had unwittingly broken up a happy relationship. Or, at least, relatively happy. Maybe 'loving' was the better word, because if they had been completely happy, Nancy would have stayed with her.  
  
"It's crazy," Steve said. "I had no idea."  
  
Robin shrugged. "I kind of knew. I mean, I had a hunch." About Barb, that was, not Nancy. Though she wouldn't specify that to Steve.  
  
"Oh yeah? How'd you know?"  
  
"The way she dressed, mostly."  
  
Steve was scandalized. "You can't tell someone's sexuality by the way they dress!" he exclaimed.  
  
"No, _you_ can't," Robin corrected him. "I can, because it's a superpower you get as a gay person." Steve seemed unsure, which caused Robin to scoff. "I'm kidding, dingus," she explained.  
  
Moving on, Steve took his elbows off the counter and leaned back a bit. "What was so intense about it?" he asked. When Robin didn't answer right away, he clarified. "You said that you guys talked, and that is was intense."  
  
"Right," she said, glancing away from him for a second. She didn't know how much she should say, how much Nancy would want to keep private. She had already told Steve about her eating, or lack thereof, without permission, she didn't want to betray her trust again. "I don't know," she eventually said, shrugging. "She got worked up. She still thinks she killed Barb." There, no secrets there; Steve already knew about Nancy's guilt.  
  
He frowned. "She's gotta snap out of that," he lamented. "No wonder she's struggling."  
  
Robin nodded, falling silent in thought. At that point, a customer came in and Robin got up to advise on potential movies to rent - her specialty, unless she deemed the customer to be a 'dumbass', in which case Steve would have a better idea of their tastes. As it turned out, this particular customer already knew exactly what he was coming in for, so Robin returned to the counter to wait for him to get what he needed and check out. In her absence, however, Steve had gone to put some music on, which Robin definitely wouldn't argue against.  
  
Customer checked out, music playing, and store empty again, the two of them sat back down in their spots. Trying to remember where they left off in their conversation, Robin suddenly remembered something else.  
  
"Oh, she didn't realize that I was going to college," she said. "I tried to get her to go with me. She said 'maybe', but I don't know how serious she was."  
  
Steve furrowed his brow. "Why not? She's smart, she probably should go to college. Not that I want _both_ of you to leave me, but..." He was kidding, for the most part. He would certainly sad to see Robin, and now possibly Nancy, leave, but he also knew it was what was best for them.  
  
"She's scared to leave Hawkins. She thinks that she needs to be here if weird stuff starts happening again. You know, to help save the world."  
  
"So, in her opinion, not only is Barb's death her responsibility, but the fate of the entire world?" Steve clarified. He let that sit for a second, then pushed his hair back with an exhale. "That's too much. I don't know how she's still alive, that'd kill me."  
  
That sent an unpleasant jolt through Robin's body. "Don't say that," she ordered. She didn't like thinking of Nancy dying, even if it was a metaphorical death.  
  
"Sorry," Steve replied, removing his hand from his hair. "But yeah, I think she should definitely go in that case. She can't stay here if she's gonna put that much pressure on herself."  
  
"Then tell her that," Robin mumbled, settling back into her seat. A couple moments passed, then she looked at him through her peripheral. "Are you really worried about me leaving?" she asked, remembering what he had said just moments before.  
  
He shrugged. "I mean, it's gonna suck, yeah," he said. "But, like, you gotta go."  
  
"You could come to," Robin offered. "You're not as dumb as I say you are, you know. You could probably get in. Or if you can't, you could just live and work there instead of in Hawkins. It's probably too late for Nancy to get in the dorms, anyways, so maybe you two could rent a house together?" The more she talked, the more she liked the idea. It wasn't like she wanted to leave Steve, either; He had become her best friend over the year since they had met. "I don't know, think about it."  
  
He seemed to like the idea too, sitting up a little straighter as she talked. "You think Nancy would go for that, living with me?" he asked. "Like, we're friends, but she's also my ex, remember."  
  
Robin shrugged. "You'd have separate rooms," she said. "I don't know, we could always ask her. And if she doesn't wanna do that, you could still come and find a house with a bunch of guys or something."  
  
Steve liked that idea, too, and they took to talking about what life might be like living away from Hawkins. Robin was excited to find more people 'like her' while Steve envisioned parties and basketball games. This lasted for a good chunk of time, but their conversation soon phased into other things, then got cut off during busy hours. Eventually, their shift ended and they passed it off to the next crew.  
  
Outside, Robin turned to Steve. "I'm gonna swing by Nancy's and see if she's around," she said. "You wanna come?"  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, sounds like fun. We can tell her our college ideas."  
  
Robin shrugged. "If she wants to hear them." She did worry about overwhelming the girl before she had even made a decision.  
  
That decided, they got in Steve's car and drove to Nancy's house. From the absence of her parents' cars in the driveway and the presence of hers, it seemed likely that she was home alone, which gave Robin a pang of anxiety. She knew that Nancy was an adult who should be allowed to be alone, but she worried about her. There were too many things that could go wrong.  
  
Luckily, when they knocked on the door, Nancy answered completely unharmed, though perhaps a little groggy, which quelled Robin's worries.  
  
"Sorry," Robin said, noting her bleary eyes. "Were you napping?"  
  
She nodded. "Yeah, but that's okay," she yawned. "It was about time for me to get up, anyways."  
  
"Y'wanna hang out, then?" Steve interjected, putting his hands in his pockets.  
  
Nancy nodded and opened the door wider to let them in. The three went up to her room, where Nancy instinctively turned the radio on as background noise. Steve sat in the chair at her desk, while the girls sat beside each other on the edge on the bed. Absently, he looked over the desk, eyes falling on an open notebook, the visible page almost filled with neat handwriting in black ink.  
  
"What's this?" he asked, holding it up.  
  
"It's an essay for my application to IUE," she explained. Robin's heart leaped.  
  
"So you're going?" she asked, a little too hurriedly.  
  
"I still haven't decided," Nancy replied. "But I figured I should at least apply as fast as possible so that I have the option."  
  
"Shit, I guess I should do that, too," Steve said, putting the notebook back down. Nancy looked mildly surprised.  
  
"You're thinking of going?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, maybe," he replied. "Robin and I talked about it. I think it'd be fun, all three of us out there. And she suggested that you and I could maybe get a house together, if you can't get into the dorms?"  
  
Nancy didn't look so sure about that. "We'll see about that," she said. "I don't want you to throw a party and then leave me to clean it up."  
  
He put his hands up. "I'd never!" he assured her. "If you were co-hosting, maybe we'd do it together, but otherwise, on my honor I would never make you clean up after _my_ party." He crossed his heart at that last bit.  
  
"Alright, alright," Nancy waved him off. "We'll see. Hey, maybe we should all drive down there sometime and check out the campus? Take a little roadtrip?"  
  
Robin brightened, glad to hear that Nancy was actually serious about possibly going. "Sounds fun," she said. "I'm off work on Saturday." She didn't know how serious Nancy was about this roadtrip, but she wanted to set a date and make it a reality. "We could split a hotel room three ways and stay overnight."  
  
Steve nodded, seeming equally excited. "I'm off then, too. Were you serious, Wheeler? Because we could make this happen."  
  
Nancy shrugged. "I'd have to ask my parents," she said. "But I could probably do Saturday."  
  
"Parents, right," Steve groaned. "I forgot about asking parents." He paused for a second, then relaxed again. "Mine'll probably be cool, actually. They'll just be excited that I'm applying to college."  
  
"Mine'll be cool, too," Robin said. "They basically let me do whatever now that I've graduated."  
  
Nancy seemed less sure. "My mom's been doing a lot of lecturing lately," she said. "I'm actually not totally sure she'll let me go. But I can try."  
  
With that, the three began talking and planning not only their possible roadtrip, but everything beyond it. Robin couldn't help but steal glances at Nancy as the day went on. It was nice to have light conversation with her, rather than the heavy stuff they'd been talking about, and she was glad to see her smile and laugh. Just like if things were normal.


	16. Chapter 16

Steve and Robin both easily got permission from their parents, as expected, but Nancy had to work a little bit for it. She first brought it up at the dinner table, where all important discussions occurred.  
  
"So, Steve and Robin are going to Richmond to check out IUE," she said casually, nibbling a piece of bread. "I was thinking of going with them, if that's cool with you guys?"  
  
Karen looked up from her plate. "When is this?" she asked, staring at Nancy in a way that made her put down her bread. Even if it was family, she did not like to be watched while she was eating.  
  
"Saturday," she replied, trying not to betray her nervousness.  
  
"That's kind of short notice, don't you think?" Ted said.  
  
"Well, we wanted to go soon so that Steve and I could get our applications in with enough time for them to be checked. And to see if I could still get into the dorms."  
  
It was Karen's turn again. "What time would you get home?"  
  
"We were thinking of staying the night, we'd split a hotel room."  
  
"You want to spend the night in a hotel room, hours away, with Steve Harrington?"  
  
"Robin would be there too," she reasoned, though didn't know if that'd help at all. "If we get a room with two queens, Robin and I can share one bed and Steve can have the other. Easy."  
  
"Well, it's up to your mother," Ted said, stuffing a forkful of pasta into his mouth.  
  
"I'll think about it," Karen said. Nancy knew that was the best answer she could expect at that moment, so she let the subject drop. Once a new conversation had been started and the attention was off her, she went back to her bread, focusing on it for the rest of the meal.  
  
It didn't come up again until the following night, when Karen came up to Nancy's room to talk to her. Nancy had been at her desk, reworking her essay while absently listening to the radio. The knock on her door startled her, and she had her hand over her heart when her mother entered.  
  
"Sorry, dear," she said, noting her frazzled state. "Your father and I talked about this trip to Richmond."  
  
Nancy sat up a little straighter, lowering her hand to her side. "Yeah?" she asked, trying not to sound overeager. "What did you decide?"  
  
"The short answer is that you can go," Karen started. Nancy brightened. "But you need to call from the hotel so we know you got there okay, alright? And don't split up, all three of you need to stay together at all times. I don't want you running around a strange town alone."  
  
Nancy nodded. "Okay, thanks Mom."  
  
"And don't do anything dumb, okay? No drinking or anything like that."  
  
"Of course not." Nancy knew full well that they'd be bringing a bottle of wine, and Robin was going to try her best to get some weed; It had been discussed the previous day when they had all been hanging out in Nancy's room. But she wasn't going to tell her mom that.  
  
Eventually, Karen left and Nancy went back to her essay, but she couldn't stop thinking about the roadtrip. She was actually a little worried about Robin's contribution. She had never smoked anything before, weed or otherwise, so she was a little intimidated by the idea of trying it for the first time in a hotel, where they might get caught. She knew Steve had tried it before, and Robin smoked on occasion, so she'd be the only one of the three for whom it would be a new experience. But she certainly wasn't going to chicken out.  
  
The trio hung out almost every day leading up to the trip, talking about it and making plans and even helping each other pack the few items they'd need for a one night trip near the end. Saturday morning, Steve got in his car and went to pick the girls up. As promised, a bottle of wine was hidden under a blanket in the trunk - accompanied by a bottle of gin that he had not originally planned on bringing, but had changed his mind about last minute. When Robin got in, she presented a ziploc baggie, and hid it with the alcohol. Nancy was the last one in the car, taking her spot in the center of the backseat.  
  
"We have everything?" she asked as she buckled her seatbelt.  
  
"Everything important," Robin replied. And with that, they were off. They chatted through the ride, just joking around and chuckling. Just outside of Hawkins, they passed a horse pasture, which Robin pointed out.  
  
"I used to take riding lessons there," she said. "When I was a kid."  
  
Nancy was intrigued. "You rode horses?"  
  
"Yeah, for a bunch of years during the summers. It was fun, probably the most athletic thing I did as a kid. Either of you ever ridden?"  
  
Steve and Nancy both shook their heads. "I think I did, like, pony rides at the fair as a kid, if that counts," Nancy offered.  
  
"It doesn't," Robin chuckled, looking back at her. "Someday I'll have to get you guys on horseback. It's great, I promise."  
  
Nancy was impressed. From speaking four languages to playing an instrument to riding horses, it seemed like there was nothing Robin couldn't do. Briefly, she felt a little self conscious, inferior almost, but she pushed the feeling aside. That would have to be a goal of hers in college - pick up some hobbies, become a more well rounded person.  
  
She realized that she was beginning to think about college as a definite - not the 'maybe' it had been. She was just assuming that she'd be going, and was already beginning to prepare mentally. Huh.  
  
"Hey guys," she mused aloud. "I think that, if I get in, I'm definitely gonna go."  
  
That caused Robin to break into a grin. "Hell yeah, Wheeler," she praised. "And considering that you're definitely getting in, I'm excited to be going to school with you."  
  
Steve smiled too, but didn't say anything. Nancy hoped for a second that he might follow her lead and declare his commitment, too, but no such luck. She supposed he still needed to make sure he had the money; His parents weren't as willing to pay for education as hers were. Either way, she sat back in her seat, pleased with her decision.  
  
"Let's buy matching sweatshirts from the bookstore while we're there," Robin suggested, turning around in her seat to look at Nancy. "At least you and I - Steve will have to decide if he wants to commit before he goes spending money on apparel." She was teasing at that last bit, but Steve wrinkled his nose.  
  
"I'm still deciding, just give me some time," he protested. Robin elbowed him gently.  
  
"I know. But I hope you decide to go; It'd be more fun with all three of us there."  
  
"Well, let's just say I do go," Steve said. "Have you decided if you wanna share a house, Nance?"  
  
Nancy shrugged. She still didn't know how comfortable she was with that. "I don't know," she said cryptically. "Maybe we can walk around near campus and see if there are even any two bedroom houses to rent. That might make our decision for us."  
  
Robin could hear the hesitancy in her voice. "You could also each live in different houses with strangers," she suggested, not for the first time. "We can check the bulletin board in the student union to see if there are any all-girl houses and any all-guy houses." Knowing what she knew about Nancy's relationship history, she didn't know if she'd be any more comfortable sharing a house with a bunch of girls, but she figured it might be better than sharing a house with her ex.  
  
"Yeah, maybe," Nancy said. "My first choice would be to stay in the dorms, honestly, so hopefully I can get in there."  
  
"Why the dorms?" Steve asked. "In a house, you get your own bathroom, and you get to drink."  
  
"It's cheaper and closer to campus," she reasoned. "Plus then you get access to the caf."  
  
Steve snorted at the irony of her wanting to use the cafeteria, and Robin shot him a look as Nancy shrank back a little. "Sorry," he said, looking at her through the rearview mirror to make sure he hadn't hurt her feelings too badly. "Sorry, that was rude."  
  
"No shit, dingus," Robin scolded. She, too, looked back at Nancy, appraising her expression. She looked like she had been stung by something, but her face quickly returned to neutral.  
  
"It's fine," she said shaking her head. "Don't worry about it." There was a brief awkward silence, but she quickly broke it. "So, when we get to Richmond, are we going to the hotel first, or straight to campus?"  
  
"Probably to the hotel," Steve replied. "Don't your parents want you to call them?"  
  
"Yeah, but screw 'em." Robin looked back to her again in shock. "What? We're already gonna be drinking and smoking against their wishes, so what's another broken rule?"  
  
Steve shook his head. "You are a much different girl than you were in high school, Nancy Wheeler."  
  
She merely shrugged. "A lot has changed since then."  
  
"If that isn't the truth..." Steve mumbled.  
  
"So, that being said, hotel or campus first?"  
  
"Probably still the hotel," Robin chimed in. "So that we can unload all our stuff before going to campus. I don't want them to find booze and weed on us and get kicked out of college before the semester even starts." Steve pointed at her in agreement.  
  
Nancy seemed satisfied with that reasoning. "Okay, so hotel, campus, then what? Check out the nearby houses, or save that for tomorrow?"  
  
"We can play it by ear," Steve suggested. Nancy wrinkled her nose at that, an expression which he caught in the mirror. "What? We don't need to plan every second, Wheeler." Then, after a pause, he grinned. "Guess not everything has changed since high school."  
  
Nancy was indignant. "I like to be organized," she argued. "That's not a crime."  
  
"Well, to answer your question," Robin broke in. "I think we should save house hunting for tomorrow. That'll give us more time for rule breaking tonight." Steve nodded in agreement, and Nancy relaxed a little, glad to have a plan.  
  
The rest of the ride was spent in bouts of conversation, wandering from one topic to the next and occasionally lapsing into comfortable silence. During those pauses, Nancy would look out the window, letting her train of thought meander between a variety of subjects even more vast than what they was being said aloud. Around 1 in the afternoon, they stopped for lunch at McDonald's, where Steve inhaled a Big Mac and fries, Robin enjoyed a cheeseburger, and Nancy picked at some chicken nuggets. Robin was glad to see her eat even that much, as she had been worried that she would use the time away from her parents as an excuse to fast completely.   
  
Eventually, they made it to the hotel, where Robin had called ahead to make a reservation. Nancy, given the opportunity, called her parents to let them know they made it, and Steve teased her for not being as much a rebel as she had acted in the car. After unloading their bags, they got back in the car and began the next leg of their journey: the trip to campus.


	17. Chapter 17

"Hey, look!"  
  
Robin looked up from where she was standing by the bulletin board, turning her attention towards Steve, who had spoken up in a bright tone. Nancy, who was sitting off to the side filling out an application, also turned her head. The trio had done a quick, self directed tour of campus and talked to a couple people, and were now just hanging out in the Student Union, lazily looking for housing options and filling out paperwork.  
  
"Two bedroom house for rent," Steve announced. "That's a sign, Wheeler."  
  
Nancy got up from her seat and came to look at the advertisement. She had to admit, it looked pretty perfect. Good price, the picture didn't make it look run down, utilities included. As unsure as she was about living with Steve and only Steve, it seemed stupid to turn such a great house down. Maybe he was right; It was a sign.  
  
"Write the address down," she instructed. "We can go visit it tomorrow."  
  
She returned to her application. Robin and Steve wrote down a couple other addresses as well, just to have options, but all three of them knew which house they'd really be looking at. Eventually, Steve abandoned the bulletin board and went to get started on his own application. Unlike Nancy, he would not be able to turn it in that day, as he had not written an essay ahead of time, but he figured there was nothing wrong with starting it while the girls were around to help him.  
  
Soon, Nancy turned in her essay and application and they returned to the hotel. It was about 4 in the afternoon at that point, which Robin declared to be too early for drinking. Steve pointed out that it wasn't too early for smoking, however, so the three of them sat in a circle on the floor while Robin packed her pipe. Nancy found herself increasingly anxious.  
  
"What about the smell?" she asked nervously. "I don't wanna get caught."  
  
Steve held up a package of cigarettes. "It's a smoking room," he said. "So we'll just cover the weed smell with tobacco smell."  
  
"Besides," Robin added. "It's a shitty hotel. We're not the first people to blaze up in here, they won't even care."  
  
Nancy couldn't argue with that. She watched as Robin took the first hit, then passed it to Steve. Before she knew it, it was her turn.  
  
"How do I even do this?" she asked self-consciously.  
  
"Inhale until you feel it in your lungs," Robin instructed. "Don't hold it in, since it's your first time. Here-" She scooted closer. "I'll corner it for you." She took the lighter from Nancy's hand and lit a corner of the bowl. Nancy took a deep inhale.  
  
"Don't hold it in," Robin reminded her. She held it in, causing Robin to repeat herself a little more authoritatively. "Don't hold it in!" Across from them, Steve laughed.  
  
Finally, Nancy exhaled, then immediately started coughing. "Ow," she choked out. "That burns." Steve laughed a little harder, patting his lap. Robin couldn't help but grin, too.  
  
"Yeah," she said with a nod. "I bet it does. Do you feel it?"  
  
Nancy wasn't sure; She didn't know what exactly she was supposed to be feeling. Her head felt light, maybe that was it? "I don't know," she admitted finally.  
  
"Okay, well, just give it a second then. You should feel it by the time it comes back to you."  
  
"I have to do it again?"  
  
Steve all but cackled, making Nancy shrink back a bit. A twinkle in her eye, Robin chuckled as she responded. "You don't have to if you don't want to," she assured her. "But yeah, you generally hit it a few times."  
  
Nancy was surprised. She had expected it to be a one-and-done type of thing, but if Robin said she was supposed to do it more, that's what she'd do. They passed the pipe around a few more times, and Nancy found herself loosening up with time, laughing hysterically at jokes she barely understood. Eventually, 5 o'clock rolled around, and Robin declared it officially late enough to drink. So, they poured wine into the plastic cups provided by the hotel, and mimicked clinking glasses before each putting their cups to their lips and drinking at varying speeds.  
  
Nancy found her mouth to be incredibly dry and cottony, a symptom she had not noticed until liquid touched her tongue, and she drank thirstily until the cup was empty. When she lowered it from her lips, both Robin and Steve were staring at her, amusement in their gazes. She felt self-conscious again, but that feeling went away quickly as the wine infiltrated her brain. She broke into laughter, and the other two joined her.  
  
Time passed, and they found themselves lounging around the room. Nancy sat in the armchair in the corner, Robin in the desk chair, and Steve on the edge of the nearest bed, pouring drinks.  
  
"Bottle's empty," he announced, shaking out the last few drops of wine into a cup. Then, after a pause, "Wanna play spin the bottle?"  
  
"Hey dingus?" Robin spoke up, mildly annoyed. "One, there's only three of us. And two, in what combination would any two of us kissing not be incredibly awkward?"  
  
Nancy hummed, swaying in her seat with a glassy look in her eye. Clearly, she was much further gone than the other two.  
  
"Right. Then truth or dare?" Steve suggested.  
  
Robin snorted. "Are we twelve?"  
  
Steve ignored her. "Nancy, truth or dare?" he questioned, turning to her.  
  
"Truth," Nancy replied, her voice drunk-nasally. Robin let out an exasperated sigh.  
  
"Do you wish you were still with Jonathan?"  
  
Robin nearly had a heart attack before Nancy even had the chance to respond. No, no, she did not want to know the answer to that question, and she did not want Nancy to have to think about it. She was about to cut in and put a stop to it, when Nancy spoke up.  
  
"No."  
  
Robin's brain suddenly flipped. That was good, that was so good. Nancy was honestly over Jonathan, that meant she could move on, right? She was so stuck on that thought that she almost didn't notice as Nancy turned to her.  
  
"Robin, truth or dare?" she slurred, tipping forward precariously in her seat. Robin almost lunged forward to keep her from falling on her face, but she tipped back just in time.  
  
Hesitating, Robin fidgeted in her seat. Finally, she decided to play. "Dare."  
  
"Trade shirts with Steve." She motioned between the two of them with a clumsy hand. Robin gave Steve a sideways glance, unsure, but he was already removing his shirt, so she sighed and pulled hers off, too. Briefly, she felt self conscious under Nancy's eye, but a quick look at the girl showed that she had taken to swaying with her eyes closed for the moment. Quickly, she pulled on Steve's tee, obviously big on her, and cringed as the seams of hers stretched on Steve's man-body. Well, looked like she wouldn't be able to wear that shirt again.  
  
Now that she was committed to the game, she turned to Steve and asked the sacred question. "Truth or dare?"  
  
"Truth."  
  
The game went on a few more rounds, most of the questions and tasks relatively benign. The pipe was passed around once more, then put away for the night as Steve handed out cigarettes to mask the smell. At some point, someone opened the bottle of gin and there was a brief argument about whether or not it was 'okay' to drink it straight without mixers. In the end, it was decided that it was okay if it was consumed in the form of shots. Perhaps that was a bad idea, but none of them were sober enough to really think about it. The game got progressively more slurred and incoherent, and eventually turned into 'Truth or Truth', because no one was physically capable of completing any more dares.  
  
"Nancy," Steve addressed pointedly.  
  
"Mhm," Nancy mumbled in response, her eyes closed as she leaned against the back of her chair. Robin wondered how much longer the girl would make it before she'd fall asleep where she sat. Certainly she wouldn't have the cognitive ability to move to the bed.  
  
"Tell the truth," Steve started, as they had taken to doing for each question. "When you first met Robin, what did you think?"  
  
"Mm," Nancy mumbled through a languid smile. "Kinda weird. Sh'talked 'bout a broken bone 'r somethin'?" She paused, and Robin thought she was done talking. Well, that was underwhelming and a little disappointing. She wished she had left a better impression, but- Nancy started talking again. "She's real pretty though."  
  
Steve gave Robin the drunken-version of a sly look, which Nancy missed due to her still-closed eyes. Robin's heart fluttered. Nancy thought she was pretty? That was important, that meant a lot. She was about to say so, but Nancy spoke again.  
  
"Birdie, tell the truth." Robin knew that 'Birdie' must have referred to her, but she had never heard Nancy call her that. Either way, she didn't mind the nickname, it was kind of endearing. She waited for the question, but after a few moments, it didn't come.  
  
"Y'got a question for me, Wheeler?" she prompted her.  
  
"'M'gonna throw up," Nancy announced suddenly, eyes shooting open for the first time in a long time.  
  
Steve, as the least fucked up of the three, stepped in. "Okay, let's get you to the bathroom, then," he suggested, helping her to her feet. She swayed dramatically, but he steadied her. Robin followed the pair to the little bathroom, and held back Nancy's hair as she knelt over the toilet. When she was finished, she leaned back, then immediately slumped against Robin's legs.  
  
"I think she's done for the night," Robin commented, holding the girl at least somewhat upright by her armpits. "We should put her to bed."  
  
Steve nodded, and together they lifted Nancy to her feet and half-walked-half-dragged her to the bed that had been designated 'The Girls Bed'. They placed her in the recovery position just to be safe, then Robin laid down next to her as Steve turned off the lights and got in the other bed. The room spun, but Robin didn't find it that unpleasant and, lulled by the sound of Nancy's deep breathing, she fell into the kind of deep sleep that only booze and weed could help her achieve.


	18. Chapter 18

Everyone was still breathing the next morning, which was honestly a little bit of a shock. Robin woke first to find Nancy exactly how they left her: facing the wall in the recovery position, her sides rising and falling rhythmically as she slept. She decided to leave her there for the time being, she'd probably be happier asleep. After all, she'd gotten pretty hungover the last time Robin had seen her drink, and she had been much further gone the previous night than then. Robin wondered, not for the first time, what the girl's intentions were for going as hard as she did. She knew that Steve and herself were in it to have fun, but Nancy certainly couldn't be having fun while she was blacked out and throwing up, right? Or maybe not remembering anything was her idea of fun.  
  
She groaned, her head aching too much to think about it anymore. Rolling over, she looked to Steve, who was laying spread eagle on his belly, head turned to the side so that he could breath through his gaping mouth. If Robin had been feeling better, she would have snuck over there and put something gross - maybe a sock - in that mouth just to mess with him, but she didn't feel like it at that moment. Instead, she just stared at the ceiling, mentally making pictures out of the little kernels that decorated it.  
  
Nancy was the next to wake, but she didn't seem too happy about it. Robin watched out of the corner of her eye as she jolted, sat up a bit, groaned, then curled into a ball with her hands over her face. After a few long moments, she slowly uncurled herself, looking around the room as if to remind herself where she even was. A few seconds of that, then she got out of bed, not looking over at Robin, and trudged to the bathroom. Soon, Robin could hear her throwing up again. Probably for the best, she reasoned. All those toxins had to come out somehow.  
  
Soon, Nancy returned to the main room and noticed for the first time that Robin was awake. 'Hey,' she mouthed, not actually making any noise. Robin wasn't sure if it was because she didn't want to wake Steve, or if it was to keep the sound from pounding in her head. Either way, she returned to the bed and laid back down on her side, facing Robin and looking pitifully up at her. Unable to help herself, Robin reached out and petted the top of her head, causing her to briefly close her eyes until her hand drew back.  
  
Finally, Robin spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "You doing okay?"  
  
"I'm dying," Nancy replied in an equally soft manner, her voice cracking slightly. "But otherwise alright."  
  
"Of the three of us, you weigh the least, ate the least, and drank the most," Robin admonished quietly. "So yeah, I believe that you're dying."  
  
Nancy hummed lightly, closing her eyes again. "I drank the most?" she asked, furrowing her brow without opening her eyes. "More than Steve?"  
  
"Oh yeah, way more than Steve," Robin assured her. "Plus, you never turned down a toke when it was your turn, so you smoked as much as either of us with no tolerance."  
  
"Why didn't you stop me?" Nancy groaned.  
  
"Gotta be in control of your own life, Wheeler." She reached over her to pat her back. "You'll survive though. Are you excited to go house hunting with a hangover?"  
  
Nancy groaned again, this time unintelligibly.  
  
"We gotta do it," Robin said, trying to rally her. "We're not gonna be up here again anytime soon."  
  
"I know," Nancy replied, dragging out the words. "Ugh. We should have stayed another night. Or not been so wild last night."  
  
"We could see if we could get the hotel another night." Robin startled as she heard Steve's words from behind her. "Sorry," he said.  
  
"Can't do another night," Robin said, sounding slightly disappointed. "I work on Monday."  
  
Steve snapped his fingers as if remembering something. Apparently the noise was a little loud for Nancy, as she covered her ears and groaned. "Right, work," he said. "Yeah, I work Monday, too."  
  
"You're lucky I reminded you, dingus," Robin admonished.  
  
He waved her off. "This hotel has a continental breakfast, right?" he asked. Robin nodded. "Rad. I'm gonna go get some food. You guys coming?"  
  
Robin nodded and started to get up, but Nancy stayed put. "Come on, Wheeler," Robin prompted. "Let's go eat."  
  
"If I eat I'll throw up again," Nancy excused.  
  
Robin frowned. "But your head'll feel better if you eat," she reasoned. "Besides, we might be walking around today if we look at multiple houses. You need food in you."  
  
"I'm fine." There was finality in her voice; There would be no more arguments. Robin sighed, patted her shoulder to try and show that there were no hard feelings, then turned to Steve.  
  
"Looks like it's just you and me," she said, trying to keep the grouchiness out of her voice. She knew Nancy couldn't help it, but it was just so frustrating to watch her neglect her own body. Especially when she had gotten it in her head that she was starting to get better. After all, had she not just eaten over half of her chicken nuggets just the previous day?  
  
Her heart sank as she realized how low the bar was set for 'better'.  
  
She and Steve took turns using the bathroom to get dressed and ready, then mumbled goodbyes to Nancy and exited the room. Left alone, Nancy laid in the bed awhile longer, then slowly got up and began puttering around the room, cleaning up spills and other debris from the previous night. It appeared that they had ordered Chinese food at some point, but she had absolutely no memory of the event. Really, she had no memories at all, but if she had been as far gone as Robin claimed, that wasn't surprising. She just hoped she hadn't partaken in the food, but from the empty feeling in her stomach and the slight, familiar dizziness in her head, she didn't think she had.  
  
Throwing a half-finished carton of rice in the trash, she deemed the room to be clean enough and went to go take a shower. She wanted to wash at least some of the smoke-smell from her hair before going home later that day. She turned the water on, adjusted the temperature to her liking, then got in and immediately lowered herself to sit on the floor of the shower, her back to the stream. Even not hungover, she usually sat in the shower those days; It might have been odd, but it was better than trying to stand through it and then waking up on the floor when the hot water inevitably caused her blood pressure to drop.  
  
So, sitting crosslegged, she washed her hair and most of her body, then closed her eyes and took a moment just to feel the water on her back. Her head still pounded, but it at least relieved some of the ache from her muscles. She must have spent a long time just sitting there, because she eventually heard the faint sound of Steve and Robin returning to the room. Taking that as her cue to get out, she used the side of the tub to help herself slowly get to her feet, ignoring the stars in her vision as she stood fully. Once adjusted, she turned the water off and stepped out to dry off.  
  
When she opened the bathroom door, she found Steve and Robin sitting on separate beds, looking her way almost expectantly as she emerged. She gave a tight smile, and Robin grabbed something from beside her and held it up.  
  
"We brought you a bagel," she offered. "In case you changed your mind."  
  
"Thanks." Robin must have taken that to mean she was going to eat it, because she brightened. Nancy felt a little bad when she clarified, "I'll save it for later."  
  
Robin deflated again, and it hurt Nancy to see her mood fall so quickly. She hated disappointing people, but she really just... She couldn't do it. She didn't have the strength to overcome her own brain in that moment. Avoiding eye contact with either of her companions, she did her best to speak without betraying her internal conflict. "Let's head out," she suggested. "We don't wanna get charged for late checkout, and we need to look at those houses before we head back to Hawkins."  
  
Robin and Steve agreed, and they got their stuff together and went to the front desk to check out. That done, they got in the car and drove around until they found the street the house was on, then slowly cruised down it, looking at the house numbers until they found the correct one.  
  
"This is it," Nancy said, scooting over in the backseat to look at it through the window. She had to admit, it seemed just as perfect in person. She would have a hard time turning it down. Maybe she was destined to cohabitate with Steve Harrington after all.  
  
They couldn't go inside the house - they didn't have a scheduled showing and the current tenants appeared to still be living there. But they sat in the car and talked about it.  
  
"I don't know," Nancy said. "Should we just... go for it? Go to the housing office and fill out an application?" She twisted her hands together uncertainly as she suggested it.  
  
"I mean, yeah, probably," Steve replied. "You're the one on the fence, Wheeler. It's up to you."  
  
She groaned at the prospect of being the sole decision-maker, leaning back and closing her eyes tight to allow herself to think. What was the worst that could happen? What exactly was she so afraid of? She could think of a few answers, but none of them seemed compelling enough to deter her. "Fuck it, fine," she said, allowing her eyes to open again. "Yeah, let's go to the housing office. Let's be roommates."  
  
Steve grinned. "Hell yeah, Wheeler," he said, going in for a high five. She brought a hand up and meekly reciprocated so as to not leave him hanging, but there was no gusto behind it. She was still unsure.  
  
They went to the housing office and were surprised to end up signing a lease on the spot. Nancy read through the lease to make sure there was nothing questionable in it, while Robin read Steve's copy and Steve stood behind them with his hands shoved in his pockets. "Looks good to me," Nancy eventually announced, and with that they signed and were given a move-in date.  
  
"I can't believe I just did that," she said once they were back in the car. "I haven't been accepted into school yet and I already put down a deposit? Steve, you haven't even actually applied yet. Are we being stupid?"  
  
"Well, look at it this way," Robin offered. "Even if you don't end up going to school, you still get to live near me while you work." She gave a cheeky smile at that, then added, "Or you could always sublease if something doesn't go right. But I'm sure it'll be fine."  
  
Nancy nodded in agreement, slightly reassured. Now she just needed to tell her parents.


	19. Chapter 19

Nancy waved goodbye to her friends as she got out of the car and started walking up to her house. Her head was finally starting to feel a little better - she had been drinking copious amounts of water through the entire car ride - but her muscles felt weak and achy from the combination of still being somewhat hungover and having eaten only a partial bagel several hours before. She ignored it, though, as she always ignored her body, because she knew she'd be having dinner with her family in an hour or so and she figured that she might feel better then.  
  
Stepping inside the house, she found her father in front of the TV and her mother cleaning up the kitchen, getting ready to make dinner. Both looked up as she entered, her father putting a hand up in a half-wave and her mother coming over.  
  
"How was it?" Karen asked as she approached. As she got close, however, she wrinkled her nose, her eyes flashing. "You smell like smoke."  
  
Nancy silently cursed. "We accidentally got a smoking room at the hotel, the smell from the sheets must have stuck," she lied. "It was good, though. I put a deposit down on a rental house."  
  
"You did what?" Karen was shocked, so shocked she forgot all about the smoke-smell. "Nancy, you don't even know if you're going yet! Why would you do that?"  
  
Nancy shrugged, not shrinking back at her mother's tone. "I guess I decided to go for sure," she said. "Even if I don't even get in to school, I can still go there and work."  
  
Karen was dumbfounded. "It's been less than 48 hours since the last time I saw you, and you've already made a huge, life altering decision," she scolded. "You should have called and asked."  
  
"Why?" Nancy asked, a little annoyed. "It's my money and my life, why would I need to ask?"  
  
"We're paying for your school, so you need to meet us halfway."  
  
Nancy didn't know how to argue with that, so she just conceded. "Yeah, I guess," she mumbled. "Sorry. It's already done, though, so."  
  
Karen sighed. "I guess it is," she said. And with that, she went back to the kitchen, leaving Nancy to go up to her room, feeling even weaker and achier than when she came in. Her heart strained as she climbed the stairs, and she had to stop for a second when she reached the top. Fuck, she really needed to eat something, even she knew that. She'd just wait, though, she didn't want to waste calories when she was just going to be eating again soon.  
  
She made it to her room and to her bed, deciding to lay down for just a second to give her body a break. The next thing she knew, however, her mother was calling her for dinner. She sat up groggily, not immediately realizing that she had fallen asleep, until she glanced at the clock and realized it had been an hour. Huh. It appeared that her body had needed more sleep just as much as it still needed food. Slowly, she made her way back downstairs and sat next to Mike at the dinner table.  
  
Mike wrinkled his nose, just as his mother had earlier. "You smell like a whole pack of cigarettes," he commented. Nancy merely repeated her lie, almost word for word, and it was forgotten again.  
  
Dinner was mostly quiet, and she ate a little more than she usually would in an attempt to make her next trip up the stairs a little less treacherous. By the end of dinner, though, she was already regretting that decision. The feeling of the food just sitting in her stomach... It felt like there was something rotting inside her, and she hated it. She shifted in her seat, unable to get comfortable for the rest of the meal.  
  
She had a decision to make. She knew what she _wanted_ to do about it; She _wanted_ to change into her athletic clothes and run it off. She just didn't know if she physically _could._ If she could barely get upstairs to change clothes, certainly she couldn't manage to run long enough to actually have an effect. No, it wouldn't work.  
  
As she surmounted the stairs again, she came up with another idea. It wouldn't fix the problem, but maybe it would make her feel a little better. She lay back on her bed and picked up the phone, reaching over to dial.  
  
Robin picked up on the third ring. "Hello?"  
  
"Hey," Nancy said, somewhat self-consciously. She was already beginning to wonder if she shouldn't have called. It was such a weird situation, and she didn't know if she would be overstepping any boundaries with what she was about to ask.  
  
"Wheeler? What's up?" Robin seemed a little confused - they had taken to talking on the phone relatively often, but they had just seen each other a couple hours before. It seemed odd that Nancy would be calling already.  
  
"I just..." God, she didn't even know what to say. "I need some reassurance, I guess?"  
  
There was a long pause. "Reassurance about what?" Robin asked finally, hesitantly. Nancy could hear that she had made her nervous, and she wished she had gone with a different approach to spare her friend the anxiety.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said automatically. "I just... I ate too much at dinner and now I'm feeling shitty about it, but my stupid body is too weak to run, so I guess I'm just calling you so that you'll tell me that I'm not gonna get fat."  
  
Robin made a little sound that Nancy interpreted as a dark amusement. "Well, I can promise you're not going to get fat," she said. "It'd take a lot more than just one meal to get you anywhere near there, judging by where you're at right now."  
  
Nancy breathed a sigh of relief. She had known that, consciously, but she had needed to hear it from someone she trusted.  
  
Robin continued. "But you know what I'm going to say, right?"  
  
Nancy didn't. "What?"  
  
"Even if you did gain some weight, it wouldn't be a bad thing. First of all, in your case it'd probably be healthier. Second of all, you're not defined by your weight, Wheeler."  
  
Nancy was quiet at that. Again, she knew Robin was right, but she had a hard time actually applying that information. She was silent for long enough that Robin just continued without a response.  
  
"When you say you ate too much, do you mean you ate too much for the average person, or you ate too much for Nancy Wheeler?"  
  
"For me." She had still eaten the least out of any of her family members.  
  
"Okay, yeah. Then you're definitely not gonna gain any weight, because that's nothing. Is that enough reassurance for you?"  
  
"Yeah. Thanks, Robin."  
  
"So, how are you doing otherwise? You said you were too weak to run, what's that about?"  
  
Nancy shook her head, even though she knew Robin couldn't see her. "It's nothing, I think I'm just still a little hungover from last night." As soon as she said it, she looked at her door in fear that her mom might have been listening in, but no one barged into her room, so she figured she was safe.  
  
"Well, I'm glad you decided not to run through it," Robin said. "That's, like, the closest to taking care of yourself I've seen you get."  
  
Nancy cringed. "I'm not that bad to myself," she protested.  
  
"I've literally seen you drink vodka from the bottle on an empty stomach, pass out from not eating, and run until you were sick. You treat your body like it wronged you." Robin's voice wasn't scolding, but it was serious. Nancy sighed.  
  
"Okay, yeah. But you know I, like, really can't help it, right?"  
  
"I know." Robin sighed, too. "It's compulsive or whatever. But don't pretend like it's not happening, okay?"  
  
Nancy pursed her lips. "Okay, sorry," she said. "Thanks for, like, understanding though. That I can't help it."  
  
"Yeah, well, I feel like there's only two reasons a person would act like you do. Either they can't help it or they're trying to die." Nancy couldn't stifle a shudder at Robin's words. She wouldn't say it to Robin, but she might have fit into that second category a little, too. Maybe, she didn't really know. It wasn't that she necessarily was out to die, but she... Fuck, she really didn't know. It was too heavy to think about, it made her brain hurt and her chest feel tight.  
  
"You still there?" At Robin's voice, she shook her head to stop her dark train of thought.  
  
"Yeah, sorry," she mumbled. "I've gotta go. Thanks again." With that, she hung up and let out a long, shaky breath. After a moment or two of staring at the wall, she finally got up and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She'd gotten onto a bad brainwave, the only way to stop it was to just go to bed, even if it was early. She avoided the mirror in the bathroom, then returned to her room and changed into her pajamas.  
  
It took her a long time to get her brain clear enough, but after some time, she managed to fall into a fitful sleep. Her dreams offered no reprieve, however. Almost immediately after leaving the waking world, she found herself face to face with one of the monsters that she had become oh so familiar with. This time it was the Mindflayer's thrall from the hospital the previous year. Part of her knew it was a dream; She even absently wondered if the demogorgon would be joining them, too. The other, larger part of her, however, was scared anyways. Especially when she found that her muscles were even weaker in the dream world, and she fell to the floor, unable to get back up. The monster closed in on her and she rolled onto her stomach, trying to pull herself away with her arms. But they were just as weak as her legs, and she quickly realized that she wasn't getting anywhere. There was a time where she would have fought through it, but in that moment, she felt too weak, too tired. She pressed her forehead against the floor and squeezed her eyes shut, just waiting to feel it's legs in her back.


	20. Chapter 20

The next day, Robin invited Nancy over to hang out after work, but she complained of feeling sick and 'out of it' and decided to stay home. The day after that, she said she felt even worse, and that she thought she was coming down with something. On the third day, her mother picked up the phone and said that she had taken very ill and was sleeping, but that she'd have her call back when she woke up. She never called back.  
  
On the fourth day, Robin decided to just go over there, armed with movies she had snagged up from work and tea bags from her kitchen. She wasn't sure how Nancy would feel about a surprise visit, but maybe she'd be okay with it when she found out that her friend was only there to try and make her feel better. If worse came to worse and she didn't want her there, she could just leave.  
  
When she knocked on the door, Karen let her in. "I think she's still asleep," she said, frowning sympathetically at the mention of her ailing daughter. "Go ahead and wake her up, though. I haven't heard her moving around since yesterday afternoon, and she'll probably appreciate a friend to keep her company."  
  
"Do you mind if I use your stove to make some tea first?" Robin asked politely. "I thought it might make her feel better."  
  
"That's sweet of you," Karen replied. "Sure, go ahead."  
  
Robin thanked her, then put a kettle on the stove. Soon, the tea was steeping and she carried a mug of it as she went up the stairs to Nancy's room. She knocked on the door with her free hand, but got no response, so she slowly entered after a couple moments.  
  
The sight she was met with broke her heart. Nancy was laying on her side, facing the edge of the bed, curled under her blankets with her hair in her face. She would have looked peaceful, except that her skin was so pale it was almost gray, and she somehow looked even tinier than the last time Robin had laid eyes on her. What's more, she was absolutely soaked in sweat. Yeah, she hadn't been lying. She was definitely ill.  
  
Robin approached and sat on the edge of the bed, near her stomach. She moved to brush her hair back, but paused for a second, unsure if that was too tender an action for their platonic relationship. Eventually deciding that she was just overthinking it, she reached out and did it, her fingers briefly running across her forehead. She had expected her to be warm to the touch, fevered, but instead she was absolutely freezing. That was the first moment in which she started to think something more might be wrong.  
  
Furrowing her brow, she put a hand on Nancy's shoulder and gently shook her. "Nance," she said quietly. "Wake up. I brought you some tea." When Nancy didn't move, she shook her again, a little more firmly this time. She also spoke a little louder. "Hey. Nancy." She had to admit to herself, she was getting nervous. It was hard to keep her voice quiet as she pleaded with her. "Please wake up."  
  
Setting the tea on the counter, she used both of her hands to shakily roll her friend off of her side and onto her back. The side of her face that had been against the pillow was striped with red lines from the creases of the pillowcase; She had been there for a while. Drawing in deep breaths to try and calm herself, she put a hand on the side of the girl's neck and watched her chest for breathing. She found a pulse, weak and rapid, while her breaths were coming shallowly.  
  
That was the last straw for Robin, she turned towards the door and called out through the house. "Mrs. Wheeler!"  
  
Hearing the desperation in her voice, Karen showed up at the door in seconds. "What? What's going on?" she asked, looking between Robin and Nancy.  
  
"She won't wake up. I think something's really wrong."  
  
Karen closed the distance between herself and her daughter quickly, gently tapping a hand on the girl's cold, sweaty cheek to check for herself. "Nance? Nancy, darling?" When there was no response, she made a fist and dragged her knuckles hard down her sternum in a way that would surely cause enough discomfort to wake her, if she could be woken. When that didn't work, she reached for the phone by the bedside. Robin anxiously gripped one of Nancy's hands as Karen dialed 911 and began relaying information to the dispatcher.  
  
"My daughter, she's been ill for a few days and now she won't wake up." Karen's voice was desperate, and Robin couldn't help but squeeze Nancy's hand a little tighter to comfort herself. "She was complaining of muscle aches, weakness, nausea... I don't know what else. No, she's not diabetic. She-"  
  
The conversation went on from there, Karen answering every question as best she could while Robin sat dutifully nearby, her jaw set tight as she stared at Nancy's face. She had to fight the urge to take her into her arms; It wouldn't be appropriate, no matter how much she just wanted to hold and protect her in that moment.  
  
Eventually, the paramedics arrived and came upstairs. Robin got off the bed at that point, positioning herself against the wall to be out of the way while they assessed Nancy's condition. She found her heart to be racing; Not only was she worried about Nancy, but she was mentally preparing for a trip to the hospital. She hated it there, hated the sterile smell and all the doctors, but it wasn't like she could just not go; She needed to be there for her friend.  
  
Karen rode in the ambulance to answer questions on Nancy's behalf, while Robin got back in her car and followed. Once at the hospital, she sat in the waiting room alone, as Karen was still with Nancy. After a few minutes of just ruminating in her own thoughts, she got to her feet and went to the payphone. She needed to distract herself.  
  
She put a couple of coins in and dialed. A few rings later, Steve picked up.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
She cut right to the chase. "Steve, it's Robin. I'm at the hospital."  
  
"What the fuck?" There was an immediate anxiety in his voice.  
  
"It's Nancy. I went over to her house this morning, but she wouldn't wake up."  
  
"Fuck."  
  
"I know."  
  
There was a long silence before Steve spoke again. "Do you want me to drive over there?"  
  
"If you want. I don't know." She paused. "Actually, yeah. I could use the company. I fucking hate it here, and I'm kinda freaking out."  
  
"Yeah, okay. I'm on my way."  
  
With that, Steve hung up the phone, and soon was walking into the waiting room. They greeted each other lowly, then he sat in the chair next to her, running a hand through his hair.  
  
"Do you think it's because of...?"  
  
"I don't know." Robin sighed, putting her face in her hands for a second before looking up again. "She was sick for a few days, but I don't know. It could be both."  
  
They sat there in silence for a long while before Karen Wheeler appeared, looking exhausted. Robin got to her feet immediately at the sight of her, Steve following suit.  
  
"Is she awake?" Robin asked, brow furrowed.  
  
"Not yet," Karen replied. "But you can come see her now." She didn't seem to notice Steve, or at least didn't say anything about him being there. Robin could see that she had been through a lot in the short time since they last saw each other, and that didn't bode well for Nancy's condition. Now even more anxious than she had been before, Robin followed the woman, Steve behind.  
  
As they entered the room, Robin's shoulders sagged. Karen had said that she wasn't conscious yet, but part of her had hoped that that would change by the time they got to the room. She stared for a moment, trying not to comment on just how frail she looked laying there, then looked to Karen for any sort of explanation.  
  
"They said it's a non-diabetic hypoglycemic coma," she said. Robin's eyes widened at the word 'coma', which Karen seemed to notice as she continued. "She should come out of it very soon, though," she assured her. "Hopefully within the hour. They treated the hypoglycemia, and now we're just waiting. The problem is that this sort of thing is fairly rare and means there's an underlying problem. They're trying to figure out what that problem is."  
  
Robin looked at Steve, who had his jaw set tight. They both knew what at least part of the problem was, but neither wanted to say it. So neither of them did, not yet at least. They all took seats around the bed as Karen continued to speak.  
  
"They said it could be a heart, liver, or kidney disease," she said. "Or possibly a tumor. Just... any number of things, but it's something." Her voice was wavering by then, and Robin knew she had to say something. She let out a shaky sigh, then spoke.  
  
"Mrs. Wheeler..." she began. "She hasn't been eating." That caused Karen's head to jerk to look at her as she continued. "For, like, a long time, I think. I don't know about all that other stuff, but... If low blood sugar is the problem, then it's probably because she's been starving herself."  
  
"That's not true," the woman said, confused. "She eats dinner with us."  
  
"Yeah, well..." Robin looked to Steve for help, deeply uncomfortable with baring Nancy's secrets to her mother. "It's not enough. Sometimes that's all she eats, and sometimes not even that."  
  
Karen thought on that for a while, putting puzzle pieces together in her head. "She's gotten so thin..." she said finally.  
  
Steve nodded. "It's been like this for a long time," he said. "But it's gotten worse over time."  
  
"Why? Why would she do that to herself?" Karen asked, her voice shaking slightly. It had been bad enough to see her daughter so ill, but to know it was a self-imposed illness was almost too much.  
  
Robin shrugged, looking down. She wished she had an answer for that, it would make her feel much better to fully understand, but she didn't. Quietly, she offered what she did know. "She says it's, like, compulsive. She can't help it."  
  
Karen didn't seem to buy that. "But of course she can help it," she said, desperation in her voice. "She just needs to... I don't know. I don't know."  
  
Robin frowned and glanced at Steve, who had crossed his arms. She knew that Karen just wanted things to be simple so that she could fix them, but that's just not how things were. If they were, Robin would have taken care of it herself by then. God knows she wanted to.  
  
Steve looked like he was about to speak next, but he cut off and turned his head sharply towards Nancy, causing Robin and Karen to follow his gaze. What Robin saw made her heart jump: a little twitch of her hand, a little scrunch of her face. She was waking up.


	21. Chapter 21

Karen all but lunged for her daughter, putting a hand on her cheek.  
  
"Nancy? Baby?" Karen cooed. Everything was tense as she stopped moving again, and Robin's heart sunk. She had really thought that she was coming out of it.  
  
And then, suddenly, her eyes flickered open and she glanced around the room without moving her head. Her eyebrows furrowed and it was obvious that she was confused; After all, she had gone to sleep alone in her bed and woken up surrounded by her mother and two of her friends in the hospital.  
  
"...What...?" she murmured, squeezing her eyes shut for a second as if that would make things make sense. Karen let her hand slide off her cheek, down her arm and to her hand.  
  
"You're in the hospital, honey," Karen explained gently. She paused for a long moment, letting her daughter get adjusted back into wakefulness. "You were in a coma."  
  
Nancy's eyes opened again at that, a slight alarm glazing her pupils. "How long?" she asked, looking between the three.  
  
"We don't know exactly," Karen replied. "Since sometime between yesterday afternoon and this morning. Less than a day."  
  
Relaxing again, Nancy glanced at her mother through half-lidded eyes. "That's not a coma," she mumbled. "Less than a day isn't a coma."  
  
"Well, that's not what the doctor said," Karen said, losing a little of the gentleness from her voice. "Nancy, this is serious. Your friends told me what's been going on with you and I'm worried."  
  
Robin and Steve exchanged a glance, worried about how Nancy might react to the fact that they had told her mother. It had become necessary, obviously, but they didn't know if she would see that.  
  
However, to Robin's surprise, Nancy didn't even flinch, just rolled her head to the side, breaking eye contact with any of them. "I can't talk about this right now," she said weakly. "Just give me a minute, please."  
  
Robin cut in before Karen could say anything. "Yeah, totally," she said, looking at the other two to make sure they agreed. The girl obviously needed to rest before she was interrogated, she had only just woken up. Karen looked between Steve and Robin, then got to her feet.  
  
"I need to use the ladies' room," she said, but there was a catch in her voice. "I'll be right back." Robin was surprised to see her go so suddenly, but quickly realized by looking into her face that it was because she was about to cry. She felt for the woman; She kinda felt like crying, too, and Nancy wasn't even her daughter, just her friend. Well, her friend and unrequited-love, but that was a different story.  
  
Once Karen was out of the room, she looked back to the girl in the bed. "I'm glad you're okay," she offered. "You scared the shit out of me."  
  
Nancy laid her head back deeper in her pillow. "Sorry," she mumbled. "What even happened?"  
  
Robin settled in to explain. "You apparently went to bed yesterday afternoon and just... didn't wake up. I came over to hang out and try to make you feel better, but..." She gestured to the position she was in, as if that completed the story. "Your mom said it was a non-diabetic hypoglycemic coma. Which is pretty rare so, unless there's another medical condition we don't know about, I'm taking it to mean you weren't kind to yourself in the time since I last saw you."  
  
Nancy flinched a bit at that. "I was sick," she said, a little defensively. "So I wasn't eating a lot."  
  
Robin tried to be as gentle as possible as she could as she asked, "Were you eating anything at all?"  
  
"Robin..." Nancy's voice was pleading, and her eyes were tired. Robin backed off immediately, not wanting to push her.  
  
"We can talk about it later," she said quietly. "Sorry." However, she knew what the non-answer meant. She wondered exactly how long she had gone without eating. She had called to say that she had overeaten on Sunday night, had she had anything since then? God, she wanted to know, but she wasn't going to make her tell her right then.  
  
At that point, there was a knock on the door, then it opened. A doctor entered, armed with a clipboard. He looked a little surprised as he laid eyes on his patient.  
  
"You're awake," he said, pleased. "That's good, looks like the glucagon shot did you well. How are you feeling?"  
  
Nancy smiled feebly at that, instinctively crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm tired," she said, sounding the part. "And still feeling ill. But I guess I could be worse."  
  
"Well, you have good reason to be feeling ill," he said, making Robin tense up a little bit. What was that supposed to mean? "Your labs came back, is it okay if I have your friends step out of the room so we can talk about them?"  
  
She nodded. "Yeah, that's fine." Robin and Steve got up and moved towards the door. As they shut the door behind them and stood in the hall, Steve turned to Robin.  
  
"Shit," he said breathily, and Robin could see that he was overwhelmed. That made sense; She was too.  
  
"It's a lot to deal with," she sympathized. "It's an intense situation."  
  
"Were we right to, like, tell her mom about what's been going on with her?"  
  
Robin shrugged, looking away from him for a second. "It's gotten so bad," she said lowly. "She could have died. If nothing changes, it's just gonna happen again. Maybe her mom can get her real help."  
  
Steve didn't seem convinced, but he nodded. "I hope she can," he said simply.  
  
Inside the room, Nancy painstakingly sat herself up a little while the doctor showed her the lab results on the clipboard. "Basically, what we're seeing is anemia, dehydration, low platelets... Just signs of malnutrition across the board."  
  
Nancy frowned a bit, fixating her gaze on the clipboard as if she understood any of what she was looking at. She didn't speak, not quite sure what she'd even say if she did. Of course she knew she was malnourished, she wasn't oblivious to the consequences of her actions. But she didn't know if she wanted to be open about those actions.  
  
After a few seconds of silence, the doctor spoke again. "Your BMI puts you in the 'severely underweight' range, and judging by your records, you got to this point fairly rapidly. I have my theories about that, but I need you to talk to me. Can you do that?"  
  
Nancy pursed her lips tightly, feeling a pressure in her chest. Her ears buzzed, and she wasn't sure she could talk if she wanted to. It had been hard enough to tell Robin about her struggles, and that was a person she trusted. To bare herself to a stranger, even a doctor... It wouldn't be easy. A large part of her wanted to lie and say she had no idea why she had lost so much weight or why her labs were so abnormal, but before she could verbalize that lie, she thought of her friends in the hallway. They'd be so disappointed in her if she let herself go untreated for what was obviously, even to her, becoming such a big problem. So, she sighed, lay her head back momentarily, then spoke. "I've been having... troubles. With food," she admitted.  
  
Back outside, Karen approached from the direction of the waiting room. "Why are we in the hall?" she asked, pretending as if there weren't lines in her foundation from where tears had cleared it away.  
  
"The doctor's talking to Nancy," Steve explained.  
  
"Oh," she replied, nodding. "Well, I called Ted. He's going to grab Mike from Lucas's house and come here. You two can go home if you'd like, she'll have plenty of people here for her."  
  
Robin and Steve looked at each other, then shook their heads. "No," Robin said. "I think we both want to be here, too."  
  
Karen hesitated, but accepted that. All three were silent as they waited for the doctor to leave and let them back into the room. They waited for a long time, long enough that Ted and Mike got there before they were let in. Once they were there, Karen explained the situation.  
  
Her voice was hoarse as she got to the end. "...And apparently, according to these two, it's because she's been st..." She stopped, unable to say it right away, and swallowed hard. "Starving herself," she finally managed.  
  
"Why would she do that?" Ted asked, deeply confused.  
  
"I don't know," Karen replied quietly.  
  
At that point, the doctor opened the door of Nancy's room, nodding to the visitors in the hallway before walking towards the next room on his list. Taking that to mean they could go in, the group started filing into the little room one by one. Robin was the last to enter, and as soon as she stepped in she could see that Nancy was too worn out for that many people. The bags under her eyes were even darker and more pronounced than usual, and her head was leaned so far back that her throat was left exposed. She wasn't smiling; The conversation with the doctor had apparently been difficult.  
  
"Well?" Karen asked. She, Ted, and Mike took the three seats around the bed, while Robin and Steve stood by the door. "What did the doctor have to say?"  
  
"No tumors or anything," Nancy replied weakly. "Labs are kinda... bad. They wanna keep me for monitoring."  
  
"How long?"  
  
"At least for tonight, it'll depend on how things go, I guess." Her voice cracked a bit, and Robin didn't know whether she wanted to pull her into a hug or leave to avoid ever hearing her sound so weak again.  
  
Karen frowned. "Do you want your father or I to stay with you?"  
  
She shook her head. "He said I can only have one person stay the night," she said. "I was hoping it'd be Robin."  
  
A jolt went through Robin's body. She didn't know how to respond to that; She didn't want to say 'no' to Nancy in any circumstance, especially not one like this, but she really, really hated hospitals. She had held herself together so far for Nancy's sake, but she didn't know how much longer she could be there.  
  
She didn't get the chance to make a decision before Karen spoke. "Honey, this isn't a sleepover with a friend," she said. "You're seriously ill, you should have one of your parents to help take care of you."  
  
"I know," Nancy replied, her voice becoming a little stronger as she tried to argue. "But I feel more comfortable talking about... _stuff_ with her." Robin was touched to hear that, but she cursed silently as she realized that it meant she _had_ to be the one to stay. If Nancy needed her, she couldn't say no.  
  
"More comfortable with her than your own parents?" Karen sounded a little hurt at that.  
  
"Mom..." Nancy's voice was tired again. "It's not that I'm not comfortable with you, it's just... It's easier to talk to someone my own age?" Her pitched raised in a question at the end, as if she weren't totally sure in what she was saying.  
  
Karen held her gaze for a few moments, then sighed. "Fine," she said, waving a hand. "If your friend wants to stay, I suppose that's okay."  
  
Nancy looked to Robin, who had already begrudgingly made her decision. However, she wouldn't show Nancy just how hard a decision it had been. "Yeah," she said with a casual shrug. "I'll have to let my parents know, but I can probably stay."  
  
"Thank you," Nancy breathed, laying her head back deeper in her pillow, her eyes half shut. She looked as if she were about to fall asleep, and Robin didn't blame her. Though she had 'slept' for over 20 hours and had only been awake for less than an hour since then, it had already been a huge day for her, and Robin suspected that being in a coma wasn't as restful as it seemed.  
  
"Hey, I'm gonna go to the caf and get lunch, anyone wanna come with?" she suggested, looking for a way to get everyone to leave Nancy alone so that she could rest.  
  
Steve nodded. "Yeah, I'll go," he agreed, putting a hand on the doorknob. Mike got up from his seat to join them, as did Ted, leaving Karen to be the last one to reluctantly agree. As they all left the room and started walking down the hall, Robin stretched her neck out and looked up at the ceiling. She felt as though she was partially responsible for the situation, as if she had been complicit in Nancy's illness and had let her get to that point. But there was nothing she could do to change that. And, even if she hadn't been able to stop her from getting bad, she was sure as hell going to try and help her get better.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't the most forward moving or compelling one yet, but please bear with me! We'll be pushing ahead soon!

Robin finished her lunch quickly, finding that the high emotions of the morning had left her famished. She beat Steve by a small margin, which was surprising. The boy had always been a good eater, and usually could wolf down whatever was put in front of him before Robin even got halfway finished. As soon as he was done, Robin shot him a sideways glance then tipped her head very slightly towards the hallway. Seeming to understand exactly what she meant, Steve began looking for an opening in the conversation.   
  
"Hey Robin, do you wanna go to your house and get a change of clothes and stuff, since you're staying overnight?" he suggested at the next lull.  
  
That hadn't been exactly what Robin meant, but it would work. She just wanted to get away from Nancy's family for a bit so that she and Steve could talk in private. She nodded.  
  
"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," she agreed. She turned back to the Wheeler's. "If she wakes up again before we're back, tell her we won't be long." They agreed, and Steve and Robin got to their feet and began heading down the hallway towards the parking lot. They were quiet until they got into Robin's car, then Steve broke the silence as she put the key in the ignition.  
  
"So you're going to stay overnight at the hospital?" he said, sightly disbelieving.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Even though you'd rather die than stay if it was anyone else in that bed."  
  
"I'd stay for you, too," she argued, looking behind her as she pulled out of her parking space.  
  
"No you wouldn't, you'd tell me to go to hell." He was joking, but there was a little seriousness behind it. Maybe he was wrong, maybe she would have stayed for him, but it certainly would have taken some convincing. She had rolled over quickly and easily for Nancy without arguing at all, despite the fact that they both knew she had reservations. "Third time's a charm, Buckley," he said. "I'm gonna ask you again; Are you sure you're not in love with Nancy Wheeler?"  
  
Robin groaned, and she would have covered her face if she didn't have to watch the road. "Okay, fine," she said finally. "Yeah, I like her a lot. Maybe I love her, I don't know. But don't say I need to tell her, because it's such a bad time for that. She's already going through enough without me jumping in and ruining our friendship like that."  
  
Steve ran a hand through his hair, and Robin could practically see his brain working overtime in his head. "Well, I wouldn't tell her right this second," he said slowly. "But I don't think it would ruin your friendship if you did tell her eventually. She's not the type to let something like that cause problems, I don't think."  
  
Robin merely shrugged. The prospect of ruining their friendship wasn't all that was stopping her, though. It had almost been easier when she thought Nancy was straight, because then she knew exactly what the answer would be. Now that she knew that she had dated Barb... She had a chance with her, and that would make it all the more painful to be rejected. If Nancy didn't like her back, it was because there was something wrong with her, she couldn't hide behind the idea that it was because of her gender.  
  
But then there was the other possible outcome. What if Nancy did like her back? Did that mean they would start dating? What would that even be like; Would they have to keep it a secret like Nancy and Barb? Could Robin stand to keep it a secret?  
  
There were so many questions. She found herself so overwhelmed that she almost ran a red light, but slammed on her breaks when Steve warned her.  
  
"Jesus, sorry," she mumbled.  
  
"Don't get us killed, Buckley," Steve joked, a little worriedly.  
  
"I won't," she said, waving him off.  
  
Soon, they got to Robin's house and she went inside with a short list of things to gather: clothes, toiletries, and her book. She didn't know how much time she'd have to read, but she wanted to have something to entertain herself with if Nancy just slept the rest of the day. Actually, now that she thought about it, she wondered if Nancy would need anything to entertain herself, too, if she didn't just sleep. Just in case, she grabbed another couple of random books off of her shelf. All her necessary belongings shoved into a backpack, she came down the hall just in time to find her father coming in the front door.  
  
"Where are you going?" he asked, eyeing her.  
  
"Nancy's in the hospital," she explained. "I'm gonna spend the night with her."  
  
He blinked, confused. "But you hate hospitals?"  
  
"Yeah," she said, letting out a breath. "I do. But... yeah. Is that okay?"  
  
"I suppose."  
  
And with that, she was out the door and back in the car with Steve.  
  
Back at the hospital, there was a knock at Nancy's door, ripping the girl from a deep sleep and leaving her groggy and confused. Just as she started to get her bearings, the door opened and a nurse entered with a tray of food. "Lunch is here," she chirped. Nancy shifted where she lay, averting her gaze instinctively. She knew she should eat something after what she had just been through, but it still felt uncomfortable. Especially when she had no way to count the calories, to know exactly how much she was eating and how much she could still eat. Usually, she logged that information in a little notebook she kept hidden in her room, keeping the numbers in her brain until she had the chance to write them down. But she didn't have her little notebook with her, of course, and she wasn't completely sure when she'd be able to get back to it.  
  
The nurse must have noticed her discomfort, because she lowered her voice to a gentle tone. "You need to eat to get better," she explained. "Otherwise you're just going to end up right back where you started."  
  
Nancy shrugged, partially to herself, and the nurse approached, sitting down in one of the chairs and setting the tray down on the little table next to the bed. Nancy furrowed her eyebrows. "Are you staying?" she asked.  
  
"Dr. Bernard wants your meals monitored," she explained. Nancy put her head back at that, letting out a breath. She should have expected that; After all the things she had told him, of course he didn't trust her to eat unattended. But she didn't know how she was supposed to eat anything while being watched, by a stranger no less.  
  
She pushed through, though, starting with the steamed broccoli. It was almost unbearably bland, but it seemed like the lowest calorie item on the tray, as long as she didn't dip into the cheese sauce, which she didn't. Once done with that, she looked at the nurse to see if she could be finished with the entire meal, then let out a shaky breath when she motioned for her to go on. She stared down at the tray, then forced herself to continue.  
  
When Steve and Robin arrived back at the hospital fifteen minutes later, they found the Wheeler family standing outside Nancy's door.  
  
"She's eating," Karen explained, seeing the quizzical looks on their faces. "We're not allowed in until she's done." The woman seemed more serene than she had been earlier, perhaps stepping away for a minute had done her well. Or perhaps she was comforted by the idea of her daughter getting food into her body, now that she knew she hadn't been eating prior to that.  
  
Robin had to admit, it made her feel a little better, too. That is, until the minutes started ticking by. The group stood out in the hallway for what felt like forever, getting slowly more antsy as they wondered what in the world could be taking so long. Mike eventually sat down on the floor, his back against the wall, and Robin followed his lead. She was beginning to think about getting out her book to pass the time.  
  
Finally, the nurse came out, looking a little grim as she carried a half-empty tray. Robin and Mike got back to their feet, and Karen led the parade back into the room.  
  
Robin frowned deeply when she laid eyes on Nancy. She seemed a little more alert and even offered a little smile as everyone entered, but her eyelashes were clumped together and her eyes a little red. She had been crying, and Robin could easily guess why. Not for the first time of the day, she suppressed the urge to wrap her in a hug.  
  
The Wheeler family took the chairs again, while Steve and Robin stood on the opposite side of the bed. The next hour or so was spent in sporadic conversation, mostly initiated by Karen asking a question and Nancy vaguely answering. Robin kept quiet through most of it, feeling a little out of place in the room. Steve must have felt the same way, because he eventually got closer to Nancy and patted her shoulder. "Is it okay if I head out?" he asked, and Robin could see that he was trying to be sensitive about the question. He wanted an honest answer. "Like, I'll stay if you want, but-"  
  
Nancy cut him off with a wave of her hand. "You can go," she assured him. "If anyone else wants to leave, that's okay, too. The room's kinda crowded, anyways."  
  
There was a hesitation, then Karen looked towards her husband. "One of us should get Holly from daycare," she suggested. "You and Mike can go."  
  
With some hugs and goodbyes, only Karen and Robin were left in the room with Nancy. A few hours after that, Karen left as well, citing the need to go make dinner for the rest of the family, but promising to be back early the next day. Nancy and Robin were alone.  
  
"How you feeling?" Robin asked uncertainly, not sure what else to say. She'd been pretty quiet for the last few hours, mostly letting Karen talk to her daughter.  
  
"Better now," Nancy replied. She must have noticed the way Robin tipped her head, because she explained. "Mom was kinda stressing me out."  
  
"She's worried about you," Robin said gently. "We all are, but she is especially, because I don't think she even knew anything was wrong before now."  
  
Nancy shrugged. "I guess that's kinda what upsets me," she said. "She's so oblivious sometimes. She never noticed when things were starting to get bad, and now suddenly she wants to act like she cares."  
  
"She does care," Robin reasoned. "Just because she didn't realize doesn't mean she doesn't care."  
  
Nancy sighed, putting her head back. "I guess," she said quietly. "Sorry, it's just been a hard day."  
  
Robin stifled a laugh. "Well, if that isn't an understatement..." she said quietly. Tentatively, she reached out and touched Nancy's shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. To her surprise, Nancy responded by leaning over towards her a little, leaning her head to the side to rest her cheek on her hand. Both girls lingered for a moment, then Nancy picked her head up and Robin pulled her hand away. It was decidedly an affectionate moment, but Robin passed it off as a platonic affection. They had grown to be very close since that first time Nancy had stayed at her house, a little physical contact wasn't out of the ordinary.  
  
Neither of them spoke for a second, then Robin broke the silence. "I brought a couple books for you," she offered. "In case you got bored."  
  
"Are they in English?" Nancy asked, teasing slightly.  
  
Robin chuckled. "Yeah," she assured her. "The ones I brought for you are, at least. I still haven't finished the one for my class."  
  
"Shit, still? You had, like, days while I was sick, should have used your time better."  
  
Robin nudged her lightly with a hand. "I was too busy worrying about you," she protested. She paused for a second, then decided she had to ask the question on her mind, even if it would darken the mood. "When you weren't letting me come over because you were sick... Were you actually sick, or were you avoiding me so I wouldn't make you eat?"   
  
"I was sick," Nancy insisted. "I'd never avoid you. I like hanging out with you too much." Her words were meaningful and sent a chill down Robin's spine. She remembered her conversation with Steve. She had thought she wouldn't tell Nancy about her feelings while she was in the hospital, if she told her about them at all. But could that have been the right time after all?  
  
She didn't get the chance. There was a knock at the door, and Nancy called for whoever it was to come in, only to immediately wish she hadn't. "Dinner!" a new nurse said, carrying another tray. Robin looked up at the clock, surprised to see that it was already 5 o'clock.  
  
"Do you want me to leave?" Robin asked, looking back to Nancy, who had suddenly become tense with anxiety. She shook her head stiffly.  
  
"You can stay," she replied, her voice strained. Robin looked to the nurse for confirmation, receiving a nod. She settled back in her chair, watching as the nurse put the tray next to Nancy. It was a long, slow process that took a lot of coaxing from Robin and a couple warnings about feeding tubes from the nurse. The latter really bothered Robin, but she didn't argue, because she was sure the threats would be carried out if necessary. Nancy seemed to go through an entire spectrum of emotions, but unfortunately they were all negative. She was nervous, sad, angry... Seemingly everything at the same time. By the time the nurse left, the tray still half full, she was crying again, and Robin felt like joining her. Things were tough, that was for sure. They just seemed to get tougher with every passing moment.


	23. Chapter 23

Sniffles and sobs settled over the room as Nancy cried, her face hidden behind her hands. It had been nearly an hour since the nurse left, and she still hadn’t calmed down, despite Robin’s gentle murmuring and grounding grip on her shoulder. Robin was trying her best, but her friend could not be pacified. At some point during her hysterics, Nancy rolled onto her side, turning her back to Robin and curling into a ball. Not sure what else to do, Robin took to gently petting between her shoulders and down her spine, trying a new tactic to soothe her. Evidently, that seemed to work, because in a couple minutes, Nancy’s shoulders stopped shaking and she was silent and still. Robin didn’t dare stop at first, just rubbed her back and let her murmurs turn to whispers, but eventually she decided to check on her.

“You gonna be okay?” she asked gently, patting her back.

There was no response. Slowly, Robin rose to her feet and peaked over Nancy’s shoulder to see her face. She couldn’t help but let the corners of her lips twitch into a tiny smile of adoration at the sight of her slumbering expression. Her eyelids settled gently over her eyes, and her lips were slightly parted to let air filter through. Her cheeks were still tear-stained, but she looked peaceful. Tenderly, Robin brushed her hair back, then sat back in her chair to just watch her breathe for a while.

After a few minutes, Robin decided that her staring was getting to be too involved, and decided to busy herself until her friend woke. She retrieved her book, a highlighter, and a pen and went to work reading, marking up the pages as she went. Soon bored of that, however, she turned on the television on the wall, set it to mute so as to not wake Nancy, then sat back and watched whatever what was on, doing her best to make out the storylines even without sound. She was only marginally successful.

By nine o’clock, Robin was bored of television and everything else, but Nancy still had yet to wake. Briefly, Robin felt a pang of worry. She’d been asleep for a long time, what if she had slipped back into her coma? Trembling just slightly, she leaned over her body again, studying her face. She wasn’t as pale or drenched in sweat as she had been that morning, but that didn’t really quell Robin’s worries. Tentatively, she shook her shoulder, once gently, then again a little harder.

Nancy groaned and batted at her hand, sending warm relief through her veins. “Sorry, go back to sleep,” she murmured. “Just checking on you.”

There was no dispute. Immediately, Nancy’s hand fell back to the mattress and she was asleep again. Robin sat back in her chair, stilling herself for a moment to fend off the last lingering shreds of anxiety in her stomach. Once she felt completely calm again, she decided that she’d better sleep as well. It wasn’t like there was anything better to do.

Taking her bag with her, she went to the restroom to brush her teeth, wash her face, and change into pajamas, then returned to Nancy’s room to set up the cot that had been dropped off for her some time before. It wasn’t comfortable, she quickly found, but it was better than lying on the floor. Head down on the pillow and blanket pulled up to her chin, she did her best to clear her mind and soon drifted off to sleep.

The clock ticked on the wall, seeming to move at a breakneck pace with no one watching it. Three hours later, Nancy woke to find herself in a dark and unfamiliar room. Instantly, she sat up and pulled her knees to her chest, disoriented and more than a little scared. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw creeping vines on the walls, and she was immediately pulled back to that horrible moment years ago, when she had entered the Upside Down. Her breathing quickened, and she felt panic beginning to wash over her.

Then, something caught her eye. As her vision adjusted, she spotted Robin on a cot on the floor, sleeping peacefully. Calmed slightly by her presence, she looked around the room again to realize that the shapes she had interpreted as vines were actually wires attached to hospital equipment. She let out a breath, remembering. She was at the hospital. Not an evil alternate dimension, the hospital.

She lay back down. Rolling onto her side, she looked back to Robin, studying her sleeping face. She was so pretty with her light freckles and her gentle jawline… She found herself feeling incredibly fond, comforted by her presence. How lucky she was to have her near, how fortunate she was to gaze upon her. In her drowsy mind, she couldn’t help but muse on all the things they had been through together. Even in the difficult moments, when Nancy’s emotions got the best of her, Robin was there for her. Scenes kept playing in her head as she gently drifted off, back to sleep.

As she dozed, the factual images in her mind became warped by dreams, twisting together in an abstract mural of the beautiful and grotesque. She found herself back in that very hospital, being chased by that horrible thing, but this time it was Robin by her side instead of Jonathan. She remembered Barb’s funeral, Robin’s arm around her waist. God, Barb. She had slept with Robin as Barb died…

She jerked awake again, the pictures clearing from her mind. In the brief moment where she could still remember her dreams, she felt embarrassed by them. Had her subconscious really replaced Jonathan and Steve with Robin? Had she really just dreamed about herself sleeping with Robin?

The memories fluttered out of her brain, as dreams tend to do. In their absence, she glanced around the room, realizing that morning had arrived, and Robin had disappeared. At first, she was anxious, but as if on cue, the door opened and her friend slipped in, holding a bottle of water.

“Good morning,” Robin greeted. Her tone was tentatively cheery as she eyed the girl in the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright,” Nancy replied with a yawn. She decided not to be anymore specific, not wanting to reveal anything about the night she’d had. She sat up a little. “What time is it?”

“About 7:30,” Robin replied. She cracked a little smile. “So I hope you’re rested, you’ve been asleep over twelve hours.”

Aside from the moment she had been awake in the night, that was true, Nancy realized. Briefly, she felt a tightness in her chest. “I need to get out of here,” she groaned. “I can’t be this still for this long. I need to-”

“If you say ‘run’, I’m going to physically restrain you,” Robin warned. “Seriously, relax. Give your body some time to heal, okay?”

“Okay,” Nancy grumbled. She let out a sigh, relaxing her shoulders. “Sorry.”

Robin cocked an eyebrow. “For what?”

“I don’t know.”

Carefully, Robin took a seat on the edge of Nancy’s bed. “Don’t apologize for nothing,” she pointed out. “That’s a bad habit.”

Nancy chuckled a little, shaking her head. “I have a lot of bad habits. Good luck breaking them all.”

Robin eyed her for a moment, then let a little smile play across her lips. She was glad that Nancy could joke at her own expense. However, a question nipped at the back of her mind. The smile fell from her face. “Do you want those habits to change?”

For a moment, Nancy’s expression was unreadable as she tried to determine how serious Robin was. Seeing that she wanted a thoughtful answer, she crossed her arms over her chest and frowned slightly. “You want them to change,” she replied.

“That wasn’t the question, though.” Suddenly, Robin’s voice was nearly pleading. “Nancy, I want you to get better, but I want you to want to get better. If you’re just doing it for me, it’s not going to stick.”

Nancy’s lips pursed into a tight line, and Robin could see her beginning to shut down. She wasn’t expecting to get a response at all, but soon Nancy spoke just above a whisper. “Right now, it’s either get better for you or don’t get better at all. I can’t do any more than that.”

Robin’s heart shattered in her chest, and she realized that she had to change the topic of conversation soon, or they were both going to end up in tears. “Oh…” she mumbled, looking away. “Okay. I’m sorry to push.”

“It’s fine.” Nancy’s gaze was fixed on her feet. To Robin’s surprise, however, she spoke again. “I know you care about me, and it really means a lot to me. I care about you too, it’s just hard for me to care about myself.”

Her head bobbing in a nod, Robin tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “I understand,” she replied. “Let’s talk about something else, okay? I don’t want to upset you any more.”

“Yeah,” Nancy rasped quietly. “Let’s.”


	24. Chapter 24

By that afternoon, Nancy’s doctor had determined her condition to be stable and given his blessing for her to go home. As her parents walked her out to the car, Robin followed quietly, wondering to herself if she would be invited to their residence to make sure that her friend settled in alright. However, Karen assured her that she and Ted would be able to handle their daughter on their own, and instead offered to give her a ride to her own house. She begrudgingly accepted.

By the time Robin was dropped off and Nancy walked through her front door, she felt weak. Her body was still healing from all the damage she had done, and would be for some time. She just wanted to go up to her room and rest, but as she started towards the stairs, Karen stopped her.

“Why don’t you stay down here?” she suggested gently. Nancy could tell from the look in her eyes that she was afraid to leave her alone, which only made her more anxious. Even worse, however, was what she said next. “I’ll make lunch.”

Nancy didn’t want lunch. Nancy wanted to sleep. But she couldn’t bring herself to say so, not when she was exhausted beyond the point of arguing, not when her mother was staring at her with pleading eyes. “Yeah, okay,” she murmured instead. Falling silent, she wandered towards the kitchen, took a seat, and tried not to look to miserable as she leaned her elbows against the surface of the table. As Karen puttered between the cabinets and stove, Nancy remained quiet her head slightly bowed. The wood-pattern of the table seemed to dance before her tired eyes, and she was mesmerized by it. Her head drooped lower and lower as her shoulders sagged, and she thought about falling asleep right there.

“Soup?” Karen suggested, pulling her out of her stupor. Seeing that her daughter was confused by the question, she tried again. “Do you want soup?”

“Oh,” Nancy replied, shaking her head. “Yeah, sure.” Soup was good, she tried to tell herself. She could handle soup. Tomato soup only had… She stopped herself with a quick shake of her head. Reciting previously-memorized calorie counts wasn’t going to help her feel any better, it was just going to stress her out.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her father sinking into his recliner in the living room, Holly playing with a spread of toys on the floor in front of him. Mike was nowhere to be seen, but Nancy assumed he was around somewhere, probably the basement, but she wasn’t sure. Not that it mattered. Slowly, it began to dawn on her just how distant she had grown from her family. Perhaps it was a self-imposed distance, a way to keep them from figuring out that she was struggling, but it still left an ache in her chest. Had she been a bad sister? A bad daughter?

Apparently, her thoughts had consumed her for longer than she realized, because suddenly her mother was placing a steaming bowl of soup in front of her. “Eat what you can,” she prompted, sounding surprisingly understanding. “We can put the rest in the fridge, it won’t go to waste.”

Nancy’s head bobbed in a nod until she looked into the bowl and froze. It wasn’t tomato soup, like she had expected. It was chicken noodle. That was more, maybe not a lot more, but…

Karen noticed the look of distress on her face. “Darling…”

“It’s fine,” Nancy said quickly, shaking her head. She dipped her spoon into the bowl and gently blew on it before bringing it to her lips. The liquid was warm and slightly salty and should have been soothing, if she wasn’t so anxious about it. She swallowed a tiny bit, then glanced up at her mother. “How much is in here?” she asked, already doing rough math in her head.

“What do you mean?” Karen asked, studying her.

“Like, how many cups or grams or whatever?”

Shoulders falling, Karen sighed. “I just scooped it with a ladle, dear. I don’t know exact numbers. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

Nancy’s ribs were suddenly crushing her lungs. She couldn’t breathe. There was no way she could just ‘not worry about it’. It was so ingrained in her to be suspicious of everything she ate, she couldn’t possibly take another bite unless she knew exactly how many calories were in the bowl. Her spoon clattered on the table as she let go with it and sat back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. A quick glance at her mother revealed that she had broken her heart.

“Nancy…”

“I’m sorry.” And it was true. She was sorry She hated the fact that she was hurting her mother, and she wished that her brain would release her from her internal torture and just let her eat. “I promise, I’ll get better at this. By the time I leave for college…”

“College?” Karen’s tone suddenly changed to one of bewilderment. “You think you’re still going to college?”

Nancy couldn’t understand what she meant, and her ribs tightened their hold on her lungs. “Mom, I’ve already committed and I put a deposit down on the house. I-”

“Nancy, you were in a coma,” Karen reminded her, exasperated. “You nearly destroyed your own body. I’m never letting you out of my sight again!”

Unable to make eye contact, Nancy shrugged and spoke in a low voice. “It was barely a coma,” she mumbled. “I was awake in, like, hours.”

Flames filled Karen’s eyes. “Only because your friend was smart enough to figure out that something was wrong,” she argued. “If she had just let you ‘sleep’… If she hadn’t gotten you help, you could have been dead by now.”

Still not looking at her mother, Nancy’s shoulders raised in a heavy shrug. Her lips remained stitched shut, because she knew there was nothing she could say or do that would calm her mother. Karen continued.

“I just want you to be safe.” Her voice had taken on a slightly more gentle quality. “And if I can’t trust that you’ll be okay on your own, then you can’t be on your own.”

“It’s not like I’m any safer here.” The words escaped Nancy’s lips before she could swallow them. “You say I nearly destroyed my own body, and maybe that’s true, but it’s not like you even noticed. How are you going to keep me safe when you’re so oblivious?”

Karen’s face held the expression of a woman who had just been struck, and Nancy couldn’t bring herself to look at the hurt in her eyes, the pain she had caused with her words. Instead, she continued, her each consonant an intensely quiet staccato.

“I’m an adult, you can’t keep me here. I’m going, and you can’t stop me.”

“It’s my money paying your tuition, and my car that’s taking you there. I won’t let you have either.”

Nancy had expected that. “That’s fine,” she replied evenly. “I’m still going to Richmond with Robin and Steve, even if I can’t pay for school. I have enough money left from last summer to cover a few months of rent, and I’ll get a job for when that runs out.

“Nancy,” Karen begged. She looked out into the living room for her husband’s help, but found him asleep on his recliner. She turned back to her daughter. “Please understand… I’m not trying to control you, I just want what’s best for you…”

“Yeah, well.” Nancy’s words cut in sharply, coldly. “I’ll figure that out for myself, thanks.”

“You say you’re an adult but you’re acting like a child!”

Nancy shrugged. She didn’t have a response to that, but it didn’t matter. Her mind was made up, and she wasn’t going to change it. Slowly to avoid becoming lightheaded, she got up from her seat and started wordlessly towards the stairs.

“Where are you going?” Karen called after her.

“To pack!”

Nancy disappeared up the stairs, and with that, she was gone. Karen rounded the kitchen table and sat down in the seat her daughter had just left behind, putting her elbows on the table and burying her face in her hands. In just moments, her shoulders started shaking as she broke down into tears. After everything that had happened, after everything that she had been through, that she had let Nancy go through, she didn’t want to fight. She just wanted to protect her oldest daughter. Why wouldn’t she let her?


End file.
